In the Next Seven Years
by Will2Meaning
Summary: Before the hardships of the First Wizarding War there were less menacing troubles that followed the Marauders around. The first seven years of their lives together were full of awkward first meetings, budding romances, and lots of mischief. Remus was never weak, James never more smitten, Sirius always troublesome, and Peter almost likable. Warning: Lots of SLASH (RL/SB LE/JP)
1. First Year - Part One

**First Year- Part One**

* * *

Sirius scowled under his breath as his mother urgently nudged him forward.

"Come on now Sirius, I don't have all day." She said with annoyance. Sirius had heard from his cousins and other Black family members that he had to run through a wall in order to get to platform nine and three quarters, but now as he stared at the solid brick he couldn't help but be skeptical. He wasn't entirely sure if his cousins had tricked him in some way. He certainly wouldn't put it past them.

"For Merlin's sake, would you get going! I have to meet your father before work." Mrs. Black yelled from behind him, giving him another rough shove forward.

Not willing to test the boundaries of his mother's patience any longer, Sirius quickly closed his eyes, ran forward, and disappeared before he had a chance to think about what he was doing.

Realizing that the smack of brick against his face never happened as he had been expecting, Sirius slowly opened his eyes only to catch his breath in astonishment at where the wall had brought him. The sight of smoke, bustling people, and laughing children caught his attention as a giant red train sat idle on the tracks. Steam spewed from underneath it, giving the impression that it was anxious and growing impatient for it's journey. Sirius watched star-struck as older wizards in uniforms guided clueless school children onto the shiny locomotive. Being sheltered in the dark and dreary house of Grimmaulds seemed to be in pitiful comparison to the magnificence of the place in front of him. He was sure that if this was only the train station, then where the train went was sure to be an adventure of its own kind.

He stared in awe, an excitement building up in him. As his eyes danced across the unknown place, he felt empowered somehow.

He had been privately tutored for years, lectured on the proper etiquette of his 'kind' and how to use it to his advantage. Besides boasting pride for their bloodline and riches, there was nothing the Blacks valued more in their children then success in the magically world. It had been drilled into Sirius for as long as he could remember that his heritage was special and had to be preserved through him. _Toujours Pur, _as his father so often reminded him. Once his letter came from Hogwarts his parents had sat him down numerous times before the beginning of the school year to relay the importance of a good and productive first year. They had already told him whom he should associate with and whom he shouldn't, what teachers he should become friends with and what teachers were worthless in connections. Sirius' initial excitement over the whole thing seemed to slowly fade away with every conversation he had with them. What had seemed like something that was new and adventurous to him in the beginning, quickly turned to look like it would be just another way his parents could control him.

But now, looking at his surrounding area, something stirred within him. Something brilliant and he loved it, whatever it was. Like a gust of knowledge, he suddenly realized that his parents would not be able to have the strict control they supplied so readily at Grimmaulds, and that it was his choice whether he followed any of their advice or not.

Of course, it was already perfectly clear to him that he wouldn't.

Especially the part about mudbloods, he thought instantly.

Having heard so much about their disgusting, filthy ways, Sirius had a keen interest in discovering just how much was true from what he learned about them. He had seen them from afar; at a bank with his mother, or walking around the area with his father and brother, but never was he allowed to interact with them. The most he'd seen his parents say to one was a curt 'hullo'. Half bloods and muggles seemed to be the number one topic of conversation in his house and yet he never had a chance to associate with them himself. They certainly didn't look dirty to him. He would take Hogwarts as the opportunity of a lifetime and strike up as many conversations with as many that were willing.

He smiled mischievously thinking of the face his father would make if he ever found out about his intentions.

"Move along now, there are people behind us Sirius." His mother said curtly.

Sirius made his way quickly towards the train, practically skipping with joy at the thought of his newly discovered independence.

"Sirius, I don't want to hear of any nonsense, do you hear me? If I get one word of you acting up, you're coming home immediately and will be privately tutored for the rest of your days. Do you understand?"

Sirius had only been paying attention to half of what she was saying as he continued to glance around the train station.

"Sirius! Did you hear me?" his mother cried at him.

"Yes, mother." He said obediently, a childhood instinct. His mother angrily bent down to meet his eyes and grabbed his arm with a tight squeeze, yanking him forward.

"You better have…" she whispered hoarsely. "This isn't home, where all you get is a scolding. This is the start of you becoming a man. Like your father."

It took almost all of him not to roll his eyes. Who ever said Sirius wanted to be like _him_?

He could never understand why so many people admired his father. Whenever Sirius saw him he was cold and distant, most of the time cruel and yelling at Regulus and him to stop acting like children. Sirius was sure that Orion Black could simply stand in a room and some how make it colder. His mother's wrath was nothing to the old man's stare if you defied him. Although Sirius would never admit it, his father terrified him and if going to Hogwarts meant turning into him then he didn't want to go anymore.

His mother continued to glare at him sternly, making sure her point was made. When she finally let go and straightened herself up, she gave him one last glance as if to see if he was presentable enough to board the train.

"Make sure you watch out for the blood traitors too. They can be quite deceiving if your not careful, but I'm sure you'll spot them a mile away. Narissa should be on the train by now, find her and I'm sure she'll show you the ropes."

"Great." Sirius answered sarcastically. He was sure that'd he'd do anything possible not to see his dreadful cousin, but nodded solemnly to his mother, reassuring her.

She stood still for a moment and looked down on him as if waiting for something. Sirius wasn't sure what he should do. He knew his mother wasn't one for intimate contact but for some reason it seemed like he should hug her. All the other kids around him were doing it. He hesitated, afraid that if he did try to hold her she'd scold him for not being strong enough.

"Well? Are you getting on the train or not boy?" she scowled at him, interrupting his contemplation.

I guess that answers it then, Sirius thought as he turned around to hop on the train, dragging his bag along with him.

When he turned around to wave good-bye to his mother, he found that she had already walked away, loss in the mass of people still on the platform. He should've probably felt some sting of remorse at the obvious neglect, but a smile crossed Sirius' face instead, thinking about all the ways he was determined to ruin the Black reputation. Hogwarts had no idea what it was in for.

**XxxxX**

"Mum, please." Remus begged as his mother continued to pull and tug at his jacket. He lightly tried to swat her hand away, but she was insistent in her task. He looked over to his father as a desperate plea for help, but his father merely shrugged at him, already knowing that there was no chance in stopping the woman.

Mr. Lupin stood rather slumped next to his family, feeling as though this could possibly be the second worst mistake of his life. It had taken Dumbledore five visits, and countless fights with his wife before he agreed to allow his only son entry to Hogwarts. He looked around nervously, scared that someone might recognize him and connect the horror story that read in the Daily Prophet years ago with his son. God forbid anyone ever find out, he thought, staring at Remus with worry.

"Be a good boy Remus. No trouble okay? Dumbledores' been very accommodating and you should never be ungrateful for it." Mrs. Lupin preached as she wrestled lightly with her son. She finished fastening the buttons of his jacket and took a hold of his shoulders to look him over one last time. She gave a watery smile and blinking back tears, pulled him into a tight hug. Mr. Lupin put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, lets get you on that train Remus." Mr. Lupin said half-heartedly as Mrs. Lupin released him.

Remus, glad to be rid of his weeping mother, ducked under her hands and quickly grabbed his suitcase. He was nervous as anything, but even more so excited. Being what he was, his parents had an overprotective tendency towards what he could and could not do. Even though Remus would have to be extremely careful with his condition, he still saw this venture as a means of doing what _he_ wanted, instead of what his parents wanted. It was all so liberating.

Just as he was about to step onto the train, his mother's hand pulled him back.

"Remus, please be careful who you make friends with." She whispered warningly.

"Mum, I already know." He said exhausted with the repeated conversation.

He had already promised to himself to stay away from the other students. He was young, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware of the prejudices that followed him. He knew that going to Hogwarts meant his only chance at integrating within the wizarding community and he would risk nothing to jeopardize that chance. Up until a few months ago Hogwarts had only been a dream to him. He didn't care if he made friends or not, he had books. And all things considered, he had always been an introvert anyway, preferring to stay inside with a cozy read instead of venturing out to socialize. Friends were something he was sure he could do without because a future was what he looked forward to the most.

"Just, be careful. And for heaven's sake please,_ please_ don't tell anyone. I don't care how nice they are to you or how much you think they're your friends. Some things are best kept unsaid, okay?" She gave him a half smile as he nodded at her. Mrs. Lupin reached to give her son one last kiss on the cheek before the last whistle of the train blew.

After quickly climbing onto the train's standing, Remus turned around and gave a giant wave to his parents. As the train began to slowly haul itself forward, Remus turned away from the two concerned faces and went inside to find a compartment. He went all the way to the very back, practicing his social avoidance, before he found one that was empty. He sighed with relief as he pulled the door open and made his way through it.

Twenty minutes later he was sitting quietly by himself, with 'Hogwarts: A History' out on his lap and was comfortably lost in it. Being a fiend for knowledge, Remus wanted to learn all about where he was going and what to expect. He had heard so little about it. His parents tended to ignore conversations revolving around what Remus was most likely going to miss out on. But now that the impossibilities had become possible, he felt he had a lot to catch up on. He was reading about the line of Headmasters when a young girl slid the door open and distracted him.

"Hullo!" She said cheery, "Do you mind if we join you?" Remus had almost been about to object, but without hearing any answer at all she quickly made her way inside, smiling warmly at him. Another young boy with long black hair followed in after her, although he was looking rather frustrated.

"All the other ones were full, sorry." The red-haired girl said as she moved to put her bag in the overhang. The boy sat down with a rough grunt, avoiding meeting Remus' eyes while the girl sat down next to him, still beaming. "There were other boys in another compartment who were being very cruel, so we figured we'd try and find another spot. Thanks for letting us stay."

Remus only blinked at her and tried to remember when he had said anything about inviting them to stay.

"I'm Lily Evans." She said extending a hand.

Out of the politeness his mother had always forced on him, he shook her hand and smiled.

"Remus Lupin." He replied, trying not to be too friendly.

"Lupin?" asked the boy curiously. He poked his head up from his slumped position. "I'm not familiar with that surname. Are you a pureblood?"

The question seemed extremely odd to Remus, nobody had ever asked him this before and he wondered if there was a right or wrong answer.

"Erm…I'm a half-blood. My mum's a muggle." He said unsure of himself. The black haired boy seemed significantly unimpressed by this information and sunk back into the cushions. "You?" Remus asked for some reason, not really caring but feeling as though maybe he ought to.

"I'm a Snape." The boy said sadly, as if that was enough information.

"Well I'm from a complete muggle family." Lily said, still smiling and seeming proud of the fact. "First one in the family!" Remus couldn't help but smile back at her. She was very pretty, with long red hair and bright green eyes, and she radiated happiness that seemed to penetrate right through him.

It was going to be very hard to ignore her, he thought to himself.

"She's brilliant too." Snape added hastily, smiling crooked teeth at his red-haired friend. Lily only blushed in reply.

The boy seemed much more reserved than Lily was and had black greasy hair at odd angles. It was comforting to note that he also was wearing as shabby of clothes as Remus. It was clear that the girl and boy came from similar economic backgrounds as him, which was a relief to Remus, since he practically came from nothing.

Suddenly remembering his promise to himself and his mother, he quietly retreated back into his book, ignoring the other two inside the compartment. It only lasted a few minutes before Lily interrupted him once again.

"Do you have a pet?" she asked innocently, not noticing Remus' avoidance. He looked up, slightly put off by her overly friendly nature.

"No." he said shortly, hoping she would take the hint and leave him alone.

She didn't.

"Oh neither does Severus, but I was lucky enough to grab an owl. Her names Migda. Wanna pet her?" Lily held out the cage she was holding on her lap and moved it towards him. When Remus hesitated to grip onto it, she stood up and sat extremely close to him, invading what Remus considered all sorts of personal boundaries. From the expression on Severus' face from watching them, Remus felt as though he thought the same thing.

"She won't bite, here." Lily said, opening the cage and grabbing Remus' hand to move it forcefully inside. Remus couldn't help but feel a blush creep up his face.

She was extremely forthcoming, wasn't she? He thought to himself rather embarrassed.

Severus eyed him with envy and Remus thought how strange it was that he seemed to be making both an enemy and a friend at the same time. In all reality he wanted neither.

Just before Remus thought it wise to withdraw his hand, a loud bunch of boys came tumbling quickly in through the compartment door, scrambling over each other to gain entry. Two of the boys, one holding large amounts of candy in his hands and the other clinging to the other ones leg, lost their balance and ended up falling onto the seat where Severus was. A loud arrange of screeches, curses, and name calling came from their direction as the three boys ended up falling from the seat to the floor. Remus looked up to see the last boy still peering through the glass window of the compartment.

"I think we lost her." He said gleefully and turned around to reveal an armful of chocolate frogs. He barked a loud laugh when he saw what happened to his comrades. "You two done cuddling? I'd like to split these spoils of war up."

Severus stood up from the floor angrily and ruffled out his robes before taking his seat again, obviously humiliated by the whole ordeal. The boy standing at the door gave a loud whistle, finally realizing that there were other people in the compartment besides himself and his friends.

"Oi! Potter, look. It's the two wanna be Slytherins." He said slyly and gave Lily, still next to Remus, a wink. Another boy, presumably Potter, lifted his head up from the floor to see for himself.

"So it seems Sirius…" he said mischievously.

"Ah, and the ginger's already found herself a boyfriend I see…" Sirius replied, eyeing Lily's hand still on Remus'. Remus, feeling extremely uncomfortable with that idea quickly removed his hand from hers and shoved it under his thigh. He heard a loud scoff of disapproval from Lily.

"What do _you_ want?" she said to Sirius, who was now making his way over to them. He rudely shoved his body between the two of them, forcing his way into a seat.

"No need to be rude. I might just share some chocolates with you." He replied and began happily digging into the candy now sprawled across his thighs.

"You mean the ones you _stole_?" Lily said disgusted, trying hard to sit as far away as possible from the boy. It was a rather pointless task, since she had to squish her body against the window in order to not touch him.

"Yup!" replied Potter, who had finally stood up along with the third boy and now sat opposite them, near Severus. Snape's face was a perfect mimic of the scowl Lily had on. "Want some?" Potter offered Lily, oblivious to Snape's aggravation.

"No." she replied shortly and turned her face away from him.

The boy shrugged his shoulders and continued to share his stealings with the plumper boy next to him. Remus watched in slight envy. He loved chocolate.

"You're a Black." hissed Severus from the corner. "Don't you have enough money to buy out the whole trolley?"

Sirius snapped his head up and stared daggers at the boy across from him. Something he had said seemed to offend him, though Remus couldn't think of what. Surely it was not an insult to call someone rich? If it was, Remus was going to be very popular.

"Yes, but where's the fun in that?" Sirius replied and suddenly turned to look at Remus, as if just noticing him. "Pureblood or Muggle?" he asked abruptly.

"Sorry?" Remus replied, not understanding the question.

"Are you a pureblood or a muggle?" he said again, as if it was obvious.

"Oh, ah neither. I'm half. Dad's a wizard, Mum's a muggle." He said quickly. Remus was beginning to get the picture that this bloodline thing was a much bigger deal than he originally thought. He waited for the disappointed face his answer had brought Severus' just moments ago.

"Brilliant!" Sirius replied excited, and Remus was thrown into further confusion. Maybe there was no right answer, he thought. "Want a chocolate frog?" Sirius asked, already thrusting it into his hands.

Remus knew that in order for him to keep his promise he shouldn't have accepted it. But it was _chocolate_, for Merlin's sake, and he felt that he was quite powerless against the stuff. He hardly ever got to have it at home and so he took the candy from Sirius' hand and indulged himself.

Just this once, he told himself as he began opening the wrapper.

The rest of the train ride seemed to last forever. Every conversation started only thickened the animosity that traveled between the two groups. At first Lily argued that the three boys should leave, since Severus and herself had to leave last time. This of course was dismissed as nonsense by Sirius, saying that they would be caught the moment they stepped out of the compartment. Lily didn't seem to mind this idea, but Potter and Peter (who Remus found out was the name of the third boy) did. When it was finally realized that neither parties would remove themselves, the dialog turned into which Hogwarts House was better. Remus, not caring or knowing much about what each house stood for, simply sat back and listened to the endless bickering. He thought about removing himself from the compartment alone, but found that it would prove difficult since Sirius' arm was now comfortably draped around his shoulder, as if they had been best mates forever. He silently contemplated how the fates had some how put him in the company of the most rowdy, opinionated, and _invading_ group of people.

He was thankful when the ride ended, feeling as though he could finally escape their arguments and be on his own once again. The first years were shuffled off together and brought to boats, where he tried hard to lose the tailing group behind him. Just as he was about to get into a boat that looked like it had room for one more, he felt a tug on his robes.

"Remus, you can come with us." said a smiling Lily, with Snape close behind her. Before he could politely decline her offer, Potter interrupted them.

"Nonsense. Remus doesn't want to go with a _girl_. He's coming with us. Aren't you Remus?" he asked, nudging Lily roughly away from him.

"Er… actually," Remus began, but Lily, gaining her stance, came up behind Potter and harshly shoved him back, making Potter fall to the ground with a loud 'umph'. Remus heard Sirius' barking laugh next to them and James glared up at the young girl with hatred in his eyes.

"Serves you right, you… you… arse!" she yelled at him. As soon as she said it she clamped a hand over her mouth and looked around, panicked that a professor might have heard her. She quickly grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him away from the fallen boy, Severus following behind them. Once they found an unoccupied boat, all three of them bustled into it and took off towards the school.

Yes, it was going to be very hard to ignore her, Remus thought again to himself.

**XxxxX**

"Sirius Black!" called out a middle-aged professor from the front of the Great Hall. Sirius felt himself gulp as he began stepping forward. His palms began to sweat and he was suddenly very jealous of James' confidence a moment ago when he had proudly bounded up to the sorting hat. James had gotten into Gryffindor, just as he said he would, but Sirius could not be so confident. He was, after all, a pureblood from a very long line of Slytherins. He wasn't sure if he was more afraid of getting into Slytherin and being that much closer into becoming like his father, or _not_ getting into Slytherin and being that much closer to getting punished by his father.

When he finally sat down, a hush ran through the Hall again as Professor McGonagall placed the hat atop his head.

Almost immediately the hat began speaking to him in quick, hushed sentences.

"Umm, another Black eh?" it said and Sirius closed his eyes, feeling slightly ill.

"Certainly not like the others though...no certainly not." Sirius opened his eyes.

_That was a good thing, right?_ He looked over at the Slytherin table and saw Narissa sitting there.

_Yes, that was definitely a good thing._

"Brave, very brave. Passionate too, hrmm...but what anger..." It paused for a second, contemplating. " Well, I can't put you there...no, no, no... much too different...Suppose you'll be the first one..."

_Oh Merlin, what did that mean?_ Sirius wondered, panicking.

"Stop your worrying, there's been worse things...Yes, it's very clear indeed…going to have to be…GRYFFINDOR!"

Sirius practically jumped off the chair in excitement, feeling elevated. But his initial happiness was met with awkward silence and coughs throughout the room. A wave of remorse went through him at the realization of what this meant. He was the first Black to ever be sorted into something other than Slytherin. Even Andromeda, who was supposedly the more eccentric one of the family members, was in Slytherin. That "preserving the honorable Black heritage" speech he'd gotten from his parents a month ago seemed to echo inside of him. He was going to be in very big trouble.

A loud, single clap, interrupted his thoughts and he looked over to where James Potter was sitting at the Gryffindor table. James' one clap turned into several, until the entire Gryffindor table finally stood up in excited cheering. Sirius sighed with relief, feeling eternally grateful to the young boy he now made his way too.

"Remus Lupin!" Professor McGonagall called as soon as Sirius had sat himself down next to James and Peter.

Sirius watched as the young boy from the train, who had so readily took his chocolate, marched up to the stand. Once the hat was on him the crowd waited patiently in anticipation. One minute passed, than another. The moments seemed to tick by and soon students began becoming restless. Remus' sorting was the longest of the day and every second that passed was making Sirius become increasingly more curious as to what the hat was contemplating over.

"Officially a Hatstaller!" whispered a boy excitedly next to him to another across the table. They apparently had both been timing it.

Sirius watched as Remus opened and closed his eyes at whatever the Sorting Hat was whispering. Remus shook and nodded his head a various points, arguing or agreeing with whatever their conversation was about. Finally, after what seemed like forever the hat finally cried out "GRYFFINDOR!" and Sirius' table sprang up once again in cheers.

Remus, who seemed to be blushing with embarrassment made his way over to the table. When his eyes met Sirius', Sirius quickly moved over to make room for him on the bench and smiled politely. But after seeing Sirius' gesture, the boy quickly turned away and headed to the opposite end of the table.

_What's his problem?_, Sirius thought to himself, not sure when or if he had offended the young boy. He had a habit of doing such things without realizing.

After that it was Lily Evans turn. The hat didn't seem to be on for more than two seconds before it declared her a Gryffindor as well. Her face fell at the announcement and Sirius watched as her eyes met Severus', who sat across the Hall at the Slytherin table. She quietly made her way over to the Gryffindor side and Sirius mockingly patted the seat next to him, wiggling his eyebrows at her. She gave him a loud huff of a reply and loudly marched past, finding where Remus had sat. Once realizing where she was marching to, Remus' eyes popped out and he quickly tried to duck his head out of view, but she had already spotted him and she smiled as she squeezed her way next to the boy. Sirius laughed as he saw Remus' forehead hit the table in disbelief.

Better him than me, he thought humorously.

Through-out dinner and much to his enjoyment, Sirius found out that almost everyone surrounding him was muggle born or half-blood. Only a few seemed to come from pureblood families like James was and none of them seemed to care either way. None of them were dirty, or filthy as his mother had described. And despite the fact that his parents said he would be able to tell right away, Sirius had a very hard time seeing the difference in any of them. He was beginning to wonder if his parents were perhaps bonkers and made the entire thing up in their heads. It would make a lot of sense, now that he thought of it.

As dinner ended and the group rose to find their quarters, a voice stopped James, Peter, and him in his tracks.

"Planning to bring the entire Black legacy down single-handed are we?" the girl's sharp voice rang through their ears.

Sirius turned around to find Bellatrix standing about a foot taller than him and with a wicked smile on her face. Sirius merely grinned back. He'd been playing this game for far too long.

"Try not to be too jealous Bella." Sirius replied lightly. James and Peter gave small laughs behind him, but Bellatrix' smile only widened.

"It's all laughs now little Siri, but wait til your father hears…" she gave her last words in a sing-song voice and then spewed out a loud laugh before spinning on her heels to head toward her own dorms. Sirius felt the blood drain from his face as he watched her go. She was right.

"Don't listen to her." Peter said from behind him, noticing the drop in Sirius' face. "Nobody cares about that stuff anymore anyway."

"You haven't met my parents." was all Sirius could muster back before following them up the stairs to join the rest of the Gryffindors.

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**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	2. First Year- Part Two

**First Year- Part Two**

* * *

Sirius rolled over in his bed uncomfortably. The small noises from his other dorm mates were disturbing his sleep.

"Have you seen my other shoe Peter?" he heard from somewhere on his left.

"No." was the reply. A large bang of a drawer shutting followed the statement, forcing Sirius to throw a pillow over his head.

"Would you two pipe down, I'm trying to sleep over here!" he grumbled loudly through the soft fabrics. His angry plea was met with sudden silence and Sirius happily sank back into his bed, a smile of satisfaction playing on his face.

Finally, he thought to himself.

Mere seconds later and the curtains of his four poster were thrown back as the two other boys in the room jumped on top of him. Caught unaware, Sirius gasped for breath as James and Peter continued to pounce all over him, laughing hysterically from Sirius' muffled cries of protest.

"Get 'Roff, you pansies!" Sirius screeched. He realized that an arm had managed to evade the entrapment and so he grabbed a pillow from underneath him and launched himself up at the nearest culprit. James got a face full of feathers and as he leaned back from the blow, bumped into Peter, causing the smaller boy to fall backside first off the bed. Seeing his chance, Sirius quickly scrambled to stand up before the other two had a moment to recover.

"About time you woke up," James laughed as he blew a feather from his mouth. Peter groaned from the floor and Sirius saw a hand begin to stretch upwards, gripping to the edge of his bed.

"Why is it I always end up on the floor?" He complained, trying to stand up.

"Maybe because you're the easiest to push." Sirius jested back at him. James laughed as Peter gave him a look of contempt. "Remus in the bathroom?" Sirius asked, already grabbing his towel to wash up.

"Nah, the bloke took off before I could even say good morning. Weird one, he is." James responded, slowly making his way to the edge of Sirius' bed.

"Do you think he doesn't like us?" Peter asked, dusting off his robes.

"Nonsense," Sirius responded, "Who doesn't like _us_? He's probably just shy."

James gave a loud scoff of disagreement and sat upright to look at his two friends.

"_Shy?_ Please. I swear he literally goes out of his way to avoid us. Always changing in the bathroom and disappearing at weird points. Remember last month when he was gone for three days and nobody would tell us anything?"

Sirius and Peter nodded, reflecting back when they had asked Professor McGonagall if she knew anything. She evaded their questions, only telling them that Remus would be returning soon and not to worry.

"Someone said he was sick." Peter chimed in, remembering the rumors that had circled the tower. "He looked sick when he came back too."

"Still, you can't deny he's awfully dodgy." James countered. "Plus, he's always with that Lily girl."

Sirius mumbled a quiet agreement. Thinking back to the last few months he seemed to remember Remus being randomly absent numerous times. His head danced around the thought before he glanced at the clock.

"Bollocks! We're going to miss breakfast!" He cried out frantically and ran over to his dresser. All thoughts of Remus' disappearances were forgotten as Sirius rummaged through his drawers.

"_You're_ going to miss breakfast. Peter and I are already ready." James added smugly and began making his way to the door. "Come on Peter, I want to make sure I get some eggs this time 'round." Peter jumped up to join him and they both gave Sirius wicked grins before closing the door behind them.

"Prats…" Sirius mumbled as the two left him alone in the room.

By the time Sirius had made it down to the Great Hall, there weren't any eggs _or_ pumpkin juice left and he had scolded James for eating all of it. The Hall was already half empty, as most of the students were now readying for classes. The trio sat grouped at the end of the giant table talking amongst themselves. James had apparently had a run in with Lily Evans on his way down to breakfast and was still up in a frenzy about it.

"And then she said, ' You started it!'," James mocked. "Me? She blamed _me_, can you believe it?" He forked his sausage with unnecessary force as Sirius tried hard not to laugh. A little more than three months of school had gone by and James and Lily had already declared each other sworn enemies. There didn't seem to be one day without one of them screaming at the other in between classes or in the common room. Within the classes there had emerged an unspoken rivalry between the two. Every time they were in Potions, it was a contest to see who could brew theirs the fastest, and in Transfigurations, it was who could answer the most questions. The game continued in all of their lessons, usually Lily winning most of them. To be fair, she was always teamed up with Severus, who proved himself a genius in most cases. James had the misfortune of being stuck with either Peter, who struggled through almost every class, or Sirius, who just didn't care enough to participate. It was very amusing to watch, Sirius thought, but Lily had gotten under James' skin, and he wasn't someone to let things go easily.

"I say we get her back." James added in between chews and looked up at Sirius. Sirius smiled, he loved causing a little bit of trouble and James seemed to be the best at initiating it.

"What do you have in mind?" Sirius asked, and both him and Peter leaned in closer to hear.

"Well, I was thinking…we could go into the girl dormitories and cast a spell on her bed. Something simple, like making her blankets freezing cold all the time. I don't know many spells yet, but I'm sure we could look up something good enough."

"Freezing blankets, eh?," Sirius mused. It sounded too plain for him. If you're going to do a prank, you should make it good, he thought to himself. "How about we charm _all_ of the girl's clothes to run away from them? That way they'll have to only wear their robes to class?" Sirius started laughing, already thinking of the idea of Lily Evans going commando under her robes.

His laugh was interrupted by a small scoff to the side of them. Sirius turned his head to see Remus Lupin sitting only a few seats down, quietly enjoying his meal alone.

As if feeling their eyes on him, Remus turned up his head to see the group of boys now eyeing him suspiciously. He blushed, realizing that they had all heard him and he darted his head back to his food, hoping they would leave him alone.

"Got a better idea then?" Sirius asked, sliding his way closer to the boy. Remus gave him a quick glance and shrugged his shoulders, not wishing to get any further involved.

"Let's hear it then, if you think our idea is such rubbish." James enticed, also sliding up next to him. Peter soon followed and Remus, realizing he was trapped by his own stupidity finally looked up to face them all properly. Sirius watched as the young boy cleared his throat before responding.

"It _is_ a rubbish idea," he said matter-of-factly, excepting James' challenge. He straightened himself up and gave a quick roll of the eyes, as if what he was about to tell them was common knowledge and they were all too daft to notice. "The magic is way beyond you and you'll never get into the girl's dorms anyway."

"Why not?" asked Peter, interested.

"It's charmed." Remus responded simply. "Boys can't get up there, the stairs will collapse on you."

"And how do _you_ know that?" James asked, "Already try to get to Lily have you?"

"No." Remus said shortly, pursing his lips tightly. " I read it." He reached into his bag and pulled out 'Howarts: A History' and slammed it on the table in front of them. "Page three hundred and twelve." he replied crossing his arms, as if daring them to prove him wrong.

Sirius couldn't help but smile at the boy across from him. As James and Peter's faces scrunched up in annoyance, Sirius only tilted his head in amusement.

They'd entirely misread Remus' character. He wasn't shy. He was surprisingly bold and Sirius wondered where this persona had been hiding all these months.

He gave Remus a playful grin before picking up the book and thumbing through the pages himself. About half way through page three hundred and twelve, in the second paragraph, Sirius found what he was talking about. He gave a barking laugh before handing it over to James and Peter to see.

"He's right," Sirius said still smiling, impressed by the boy's knowledge of such things. "It's written right there." and he pointed a finger to the sentence.

"Based on common knowledge of the adolescent behavior of young boys, Hogwarts founder, Godric Gryffindor enchanted the female dormitories to keep wandering males out." James read aloud.

Peter hunched over his shoulder to see for himself.

"He was famously quoted saying that, 'Should a boy find the need to venture up to the girl's dormitories, he will find himself sliding back down it."

"See?," Remus said "You won't be able to get up there."

"Bugger," James responded, closing the book in defeat. Without too much loss of pride he handed the book back to Remus.

"If it was me, I'd go for the Slytherin's bathroom instead." Remus added as an after thought, carefully packing his book away.

Thinking that the conversation was over, Sirius watched him return back to eating his food, ready to ignore the three of them once again. But as Remus took another bite from his meal and looked up, he stopped mid chew and realized that he had sparked something. Sirius, Peter, and James all stared back at him, pleading with their eyes for more information. Sirius heard him swallow loudly.

"Well…I mean," He started, looking unsure of what he was getting himself into. "It's located on the fifth floor, which is pretty far from where Filch takes his usually stroll, and their Head of House is so old, he can barely see anything anymore." He paused, glancing between each of their faces and waiting for a response. When there was only shocked silence in reply, his face scrunched up in annoyance from what Sirius imagined was the three dumbfounded faces staring back at him.

"Merlin, you're brilliant." Sirius finally breathed out.

He watched as Remus' stern expression slackened, obviously not expecting the compliment. A light blush creeped up the boy's face as James and Peter nodded in agreement.

"Not really," He protested, suddenly humble. "I'm just observant."

"I'd love to get the Slytherins," James interjected, now smiling at the thought. "We are Gryffindors after all, aren't we? It's our duty to continue the ongoing rivalry!"

Peter laughed and agreed that it would be well worth it and Sirius and James began contemplating with him how and when and what they should do. They chatted animatedly with each other as Remus sat very quietly next to them, avoiding any more of the conversation. After several minutes of conspiring, Sirius saw Remus stand up from the corner of his eye and begin packing up his books as if getting ready for class. The other three immediately stopped talking and looked up at him.

"Where are you going?" asked Peter.

"We haven't finished deciding what we're going to do yet." added Sirius.

Remus' face contorted with what Sirius determined to be half confusion and half amusement.

"Ah..." he started to say.

"Merlin, he's right!" James suddenly jumped in. "Classes are starting in ten minutes and our books are still in the dorms!" He quickly stood up next to Remus, taking one last swig of his juice. Using his sleeve to wipe his mouth, James set the cup down and quickly began jogging towards the doorway, not bothering to see if the others were behind him. Sirius and Peter soon followed his example, scrambling to get ahead of each other.

With a wayward glance, Sirius noticed that Remus still was rooted next to the table, staring after the three anxious boys with a curious expression on his face.

"Aren't you coming?" Sirius asked, stopping in his tracks and turning around.

Remus stare at him for a moment, as if trying to decide something. Sirius watched in curiosity as he sighed heavily and relaxed his shoulders.

"Sure," he said with a shrug.

**XxxxX**

Fumbling with the three large books he had just checked out of the library, Remus slowly began to walk down the darkened hallway towards Gryffindor tower. Curfew was almost up and most of the students had already headed back into their dorms. If he didn't hurry, he was sure to be caught by Filch wandering the halls.

He had met with Lily earlier at the library to go over the up coming exam in Transfiguration, but Severus had shown up about an hour in and Lily had been utterly distracted with his company. Remus figured he'd leave and begin his charms homework instead, not wanting to even try and attempt to include himself in the two's inside jokes. They seemed to have a personal bond that was impenetrable.

Remus had tried for the past two months to ignore Lily as best he could, yet she had never seemed to notice this. At first he would just let her sit next to him and talk, eventually deciding that one day she'd realize he wasn't responding and she'd find some more interesting friends to converse instead of leaving his company, she'd only clung harder, continuing to sit down next to him, day after day and trying to indulge him in conversation.

Once Remus realized she wasn't easily dissuaded, he changed tactics and tried to hide from her instead. Unfortunately, she was in all of his classes and in the same house, which meant they shared the same common room. It was nearly impossible for him not to be seen. The only time she wasn't around him, was when she paired up with Severus during class assignments. Remus had seen these moments as a break from the chatter-box of a girl she was, but Lily always apologized before she did it, saying "I'd love to be your partner Remus, but …well you know." And then she'd leave to sit by Snape.

After a while though, Remus couldn't help but begin talking back. Lily was smart and extremely kind. She seemed to see the best in everyone. Well, except maybe James Potter.

Talking with her always proved interesting and to be full of laughs. One day Remus finally realized that he really liked Lily, quite a bit actually. They had a lot of things in common and despite his efforts, he had found a very good friend in her. He felt bad for breaking his promise, but eventually concluded that it was okay since he didn't plan on telling her what he was and it was only _one_ friend. One friend couldn't hurt, right?

Remus slowed his walk slightly, realizing something.

But he hadn't made just one friend. He'd made several.

Sirius and his friends had proven just as impossible to ignore as Lily had. They had left him alone for a while, but as soon as Remus had helped them in their destructive plans, they instantly included him within their group.

At first Remus assumed it was because they thought him to be some sort of genius, since none of them seemed very clever themselves. But this theory was disproven when Sirius began insisting that he pair up with Remus in every lesson. He soon found that Sirius had a magnificent amount of magical talent and knowledge all on his own. He would watch Sirius sleep through-out the entire lecture, then when startled awake by a professor that called on him to demonstrate the spell or answer a question, he'd drone out the incantation or word and always get it spot on. It actually frustrated Remus how much Sirius didn't try and yet got the same grades as him. James Potter, Remus also realized, was much the same, yet at least he stayed awake in class and didn't seem to get nearly as bored as Sirius did.

Peter was another story, but Remus couldn't help but like him also. He was kind and whenever Sirius and James started acting up, he'd reassure Remus not to worry. Peter also took the other two's bullying remarks in stride and Remus wished he could absorb some of that attitude. As good as he was with covering up his reactions to some of their more crude comments, Remus would sometimes silently take offense to them.

Yet more often than not Remus would find himself laughing so hard his stomach hurt. He didn't think he'd laughed so much within the few short months of knowing the boys then in his entire life. The trios combined jovial demeanors and light-heartedness slowly won Remus over, until he once again found himself making friends.

He didn't even try and find them, it was as if they had all found him.

Not knowing what time it was, Remus began quickening his pace, nervous to be caught after hours. He was nearing the gargoyle statue on the third floor when he suddenly watched it leap aside. He stopped in his tracks, eyeing the statue curiously from afar when he heard voices coming from ahead of him somewhere. Remus quickly ducked himself against the dark side of the wall as several people came out from where the statue had just stood. He silently prayed he wouldn't be seen and tried to lessen his breathing to the utmost minimum.

A very tall and broad man stepped out from the wall looking rather flushed. He had thick black hair to his shoulders and seemed to be in his late thirties. Remus stared in awe at the man. He had a certain presence about him that demanded respect, yet there was something more sinister behind it and Remus felt chills creep up his back.

"I find it utterly unbelievable." Remus heard the man say, as another lady stepped out next to him. She radiated beauty, with pale skin that was amplified by her raven hair. Her face was scrunched up in repulsion though and Remus thought that it took immense amounts of detail away from her good looks.

"I'm extremely sorry, but as I've said. There is nothing to be done." Said a calm and soothing voice. Remus watched as Headmaster Dumbledore also stepped out into the hallway, by his side stood a petrified looking Sirius.

A lightening bolt of understanding shot through Remus as he realized that the other two adults must be Sirius' parents. Looking closer, Remus saw that Sirius was the spitting image of his father, although several feet shorter and without any grey hairs yet.

"This is absurd. Sirius does not belong with their kind! You must understand that?" The woman shrilled back at him.

"I understand that you have certain expectations for your young boy, but please be assured that Sirius can achieve those things whether he be in Slytherin _or_ Gryffindor. He's a very smart boy." Dumbledore said and he smiled down at Sirius. His kindness did nothing to ease the boy's nervousness and Sirius continued to look pale with fright.

"I don't know what kind of place you think you're running here Albus, letting muggles run around these school grounds, but I'm telling you now that I have friends in very high places that could easily destroy your standing within this school." Mr. Black said harshly, inching closer to the old man. "If you do not do what we ask, I'll be forced to act against you."

Remus practically trembled from where he was standing, the threat chilling his bones to the core, but Dumbledore merely stood still, smiling back kindly.

"Mr. Black, I'm being completely honest when I say there's nothing I can do. The Hat has spoken and it is under enchantment. You are a smart man, surely you know that?"

Mr. Black took a step back and huffed with anger, offended by the statement.

"I will not have my child boarding with mudbloods!" shrieked the woman suddenly. The word seemed to make the Headmaster cringe slightly and before he could reply to her rude comment, Sirius stepped out in front of him.

"But they're my friends!" he wailed back at her. Remus watched as the red in Mrs. Black's face darkened. Her hand swung back behind her before slapping it across Sirius' face violently.

"They're nobody's friends!" she screamed back at him, shaking with anger.

Dumbledore quickly grabbed ahold of Sirius' shoulder and forced him to move back by his side once again. He looked at the two parents with a much more stern expression, the smile now gone.

"Mrs. Black, I understand you may have ways of dealing with Sirius at home, but I ask that you refrain from using these methods within Hogwarts' boundaries."

The two parents looked ready to jump the old man down into an early grave, but Dumbledore seemed unfazed.

"As for Sirius' house, there is no changing it. Perhaps you may find Beauxbatons or Durmstrang Institute more to your liking, but as we both know, there are muggle-born wizards at Beauxbaton also and Hogwarts has out ranked Durmstrang for centuries."

Dumbledore took a daring step closer towards Mr. Black.

"Now if you two would be so kind, Sirius is past curfew and needs to return to his chambers. Are we quite done here?"

The hall fell silent as Mr. Black seemed to struggle for words at Dumbledore's brusque nature. He, along with his wife, seemed to ultimately give up and recollect themselves before leaving.

"You'll regret this." Mr. Black said coolly before giving Sirius one last warning glance. Remus wasn't sure if he had said it at Dumbledore or at Sirius. They both turned and stomped loudly down the hall.

Once they disappeared, Remus felt himself release the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He looked over to see Sirius with his head hung and felt an immense amount of pity for the young boy. Sirius' parents seemed awful, and to fight with the Headmaster, he thought to himself. It was unspeakable to him.

"Sirius, do not fret over your parent's preferences." Remus heard Dumbledore say. "I promise you that I will take care of everything myself. You needn't worry. My only concern is if _you_ want to be in Gryffindor or not," Dumbledore paused, eyeing the small boy standing in front of him. "I take it that you do, am I correct in my assumption?"

Sirius nodded his head slowly yes, not daring to speak.

"Well then, all is settled. Now if you could quickly return to your dorm before Filch sees you, I'd be most grateful. Perhaps Mr. Lupin can accompany you?"

Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that Dumbledore had said his name. He didn't think that he was visible in the dark, but once he saw that Dumbledore's eye were looking straight at him, he quietly stepped out into the hall's light, embarrassed to have been caught listening to such a private conversation.

Sirius turned around slowly, at first not understanding Dumbledore's meaning, but when he saw Remus behind him, a deep red flushed his face and he averted his eyes from the other boys.

"Good night then." Dumbledore said before turning on the gargoyle. "Sugar quills." He said to it, and Remus watched the statue once again leap to the side, letting Dumbledore pass. Once the gargoyle retreated back into its normal spot, Remus and Sirius stood still, not sure how to overcome the awkwardness of the situation. Remus was watching his feet shuffle underneath him when Sirius finally broke the silence.

"I suppose we should head back now." He mumbled quietly, and began moving towards the tower. Remus quickly followed, repositioning his books in front of him. They had become awfully heavy, standing there and holding them the whole time.

The walk from the third floor hallway to Gryffindor tower never seemed so long. Both boys were lost in their own thoughts, uncomfortable being near eachother. After what had seemed like forever Remus couldn't take the silence any longer and finally decided to say something.

"So…," he started. "Those were your parents?" He could've smacked himself for asking such an obvious question, but he couldn't think of anything else. Sirius only nodded back at him, maintaining the silence. They walked a few more paces before he even bothered to look at Remus.

"Did you see," he paused a moment, piercing his lips together. "everything?"

Remus knew he was asking if he saw him get slapped and he blushed, feeling ashamed.

"Yes." Remus replied in a small voice.

Sirius quickly looked away again.

When they made it to the portrait of the Fat Lady, Remus quickly mumbled the password, letting the two of them pass. The Common room was dark and empty of students. Most had shuffled off to their beds by now. The two of them took heavy steps up the stairs, one by one, until they had finally reached their dorm.

Based on the loud snoring coming from both beds, James and Peter had already dozed off happily. Without taking another look at Sirius, Remus quickly went to his bed and removed his robes. He had been changing in the bathrooms to hide several hideous scars that ran along his chest and back, but he figured that since the lights were off and Sirius was probably still too embarrassed to even glance his way, that it was a safe bet to change in the open tonight.

Once out of his uniform and in his pajamas, he looked over to find Sirius already lying down in his bed, looking back over at him. The moon glimmered through the room in slits of light, and Remus could just make out the outline of Sirius' face.

"Hey Remus?" Sirius whispered and Remus took a few steps closer to hear him properly.

"Yea?" he replied in hushed tones.

"Don't tell James and Peter okay?"

"Sure." Remus responded automatically.

He didn't question why Sirius needed to keep a secret from his two best friends. He understood all too well what it meant to keep a part of yourself hidden from others. He turned around once again to hop into his bed and just as he was removing the sheets to jump in, he remembered the stern face of Mr. Black looming over his shorter son.

"You were really brave to stand up to them." He said suddenly, whipping back around to face Sirius' bed.

It was true. Remus would have never been able to say a word to Sirius' parents. Just their proximity had terrified him enough to stop breathing.

He saw Sirius' teeth flash a smile and heard a small chuckle come from his bed.

"You're a good friend Remus." He heard him say before he saw the other boy turn over.

Remus felt himself smile at the response. As he finally climbed into his own bed, he couldn't help but laugh lightly to himself.

I guess I am, he thought and quickly fell asleep with the idea still floating inside his head.

**XxxxX**

Remus recoiled as he pulled the last Mandrake out of it's pot. The small creatures piercing cry was muffled by his earplugs and he tried to hold it as far away from him as possible. Sirius Black stood behind him, curiously observing his work. His head was rested obnoxiously on Remus' shoulder and Remus had tried several times before to nudge him off, but the blacked haired boy refused to budge.

It was noticed early on how Sirius loved to invade personal space. Remus figured it was just another way he enjoyed making people uncomfortable.

To Remus' horror, he saw Sirius beginning to inch his hand over his shoulder, aiming towards the creatures' mouth. With the hand not holding onto the leafy heads of the plant, Remus roughly smack his arm away and gave him a look of reproach. Sirius grinned gleefully in reply and turned around to grab the new pot. He quickly returned and placed the larger pot underneath where Remus was holding the plant up. A few moments later and Remus had successfully patted down the last remaining dirt, ending the plants useless cries.

Removing his earplugs, Remus turned to eye Sirius. The other boy had now found himself in the back of the greenhouse, trying to open two glass cabinet doors marked: Fifth Year Herbology: Dangerous and Lethal Plants.

"Do you mind helping me clean up now Sirius? This_ is_ all your fault after all." Remus said, not trying to hide the aggravation in his tone.

"Just as soon as I find out what a Fanged Ger-an-knee-um is." Sirius replied, reading one of the labels through the glass. He continued to struggle to open the doors and Remus rolled his eyes at his friend's constant knack for disobedience. He silently thanked Professor Sprout for having enough sense to put a strong spell on the doors.

The two boys had paired together for their morning Herbology class, which had continued to be lessons on innocent enough plants for the most part of the year. Professor Sprout had no sooner passed out earplugs and explained that a Mandrakes immature cry could knock a person unconscious, then did Sirius swiftly let his hands slip behind Severus' head to remove the boy's earplugs. As Professor Sprout yanked out her Mandrake to demonstrate, Severus had hit the floor hard, unable to retrieve his property from Sirius' taunting hands in time.

Naturally, Sirius was caught red-handed and Remus was accused of as an accomplice to the whole thing. Professor Sprout had punished them by tasking them with re-plotting every single mandrake in the classroom and then cleaning up the supplies afterwards. As if that hadn't been enough to drive Remus mad with anger, Professor McGonagall appeared half-way through their assignment, having seen Severus on the way to the hospital wing, and added on one of her own detentions at the end of the week.

Remus grunted in resentment over how unfair it was and began begrudgingly sweeping up the dirt from the floor. The greenhouse had become so hot that Sirius and him had removed their black robes long ago and discarded them onto their desks. Even with his robe off the greenhouse still seemed unbearably hot. He wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve and grumble under his breathe.

The sooner this was over, the better, he thought.

Then he realized that once he would return to the Common Room he'd be forced to face the wrath of Lily, who was sure to be livid with him. He groaned loudly from the thought.

Sirius turned around at the noise. Finally giving up trying to open the doors, he skipped back to join Remus. As he did so, his feet ran through the small pile of dirt Remus had just collected on the floor.

"Siriuuus." Remus moaned. He dropped the broom in exhaustion.

"Why don't we just use magic to clean this up?" Sirius asked, eyeing the bottom of his shoes.

"Because Professor Sprout said 'the muggle way', that's why." Remus responded, moving towards the glass windows to crack one open.

"But Professor Sprouts not here, so who cares?" Sirius shrugged. He moved over to slide his way onto one of the desks adjacent Remus.

"How about _I_ sit on the desks and you sweep the floor?" Remus asked, ignoring his statement.

"Such a spoils-sport," Sirius mocked and leaned over to grab the broom. "Don't you think that the fun was well worth the punishment?"

"You mean the great fun I had while McGonagall said that she thought better of me?" Remus deadpanned.

"Don't deny that you didn't laugh when Lily called me a "useless fidget stick'?" Sirius said smiling, already starting to laugh at the image. She'd had a wild look about her in that moment, red hair flying around her face in anger.

Sirius looked up to see Remus trying to suppress a smile.

"She does come up with some strange insults, doesn't she?" Remus questioned thoughtfully, unable to hold back a grin.

Lily was going to kill him anyway, so he figured he might as well enjoy himself now before he met his untimely death.

"What the bloody hell is a fidget stick?" Sirius asked and Remus laughed loudly, not able to stay angry with his friend any longer.

"She'll kill me one day if I keep hanging out with you." Remus replied through light laughs and shaking his head. Sirius smiled at him.

"Bet you she'll kill James and me first."

Remus wouldn't argue with that idea. There seemed to be an increasing war-like attitude between both James and Sirius, and Lily and Severus. Remus happened to always find himself unwillingly in the middle, defending and competing on both sides. It was rather tiring and he wished more than anything for the two parties to put aside their differences and leave each other alone.

Knowing all four of them well enough, Remus knew that it would never happen, but he could dream.

As Sirius began lazily sweeping, Remus moved to grab the dustpan, moving it closer to the small patches of dirt scattered along the floor. He began rolling up his sleeves on both sides when he heard Sirius throw the broom to the ground. He looked up to see the black haired boy marching closer towards him.

"What happened?" Sirius asked with worry, grabbing onto Remus' right arm and examining a large scar that ran up his forearm. Remus cringed, realizing his mistake and quickly yanked back his arm. As fast as possible, he rolled down his sleeve again and turned to move away from Sirius.

"It's nothing. I fell once when I was little." He said out of instinct. This had always been the easiest lie, yet now Remus knew that it had obvious loopholes. Sirius would recognize them without fail. He quickly tried to think up something more believable but Sirius' attention had caught him temporarily off guard.

"Remus, that looks fresh." Sirius said, running around the desks to face him. "I'm not an idiot." He tried grabbing at his sleeves once again but Remus pulled away and slowly took another step back from him. He took a breath to calm his nerves down before responding.

"They're old scars from when I fell." He said again, now more insistent. "They aren't fresh." He forced his voice to remain as impassive as possible, imploring Sirius to take his lie as truth and not ask any more.

Sirius just stared at him; at first with confusion, but once he realized that Remus was subtly telling him to back off, his face contorted to both hurt and anger.

"Right." Sirius said skeptically, "Is that also where you got the scar I saw on your leg the other day?"

Remus' heart quickened, though he was careful to not let it show outwardly. He knew the ugly scar that Sirius mentioned, but he didn't know when or how Sirius had gotten a glance of it. He had always been so careful changing in front of them.

Instead of answering and letting his voice give his surprise away, Remus remained still. He refused to allow himself to falter or even flinch in response. His face like stone, he hoped he was making it clear that he was unwilling to let go of any more information. He had drawn a line in their friendship a long time ago and he would never allow Sirius to cross it. Although there was a feeling of remorse even acknowledging that fact, Remus saw no other option. He could be friends with Sirius as he was now, with the appropriate line distinctly in place, or have no friendships at all.

There was no third option.

He had told the lie and Sirius either could believe it or not. If he did, they could remain as they were, if Sirius instead began to pry for the truth then their relationship would simply end.

Or at least, that's what Remus told himself would happen.

"Where did you go last week?" Sirius asked, moving closer. He didn't take care to hide the anger that was obviously building up in him.

"I'm going to go to dinner." Remus said calmly, ignoring the question. He started to turn away to leave.

"No!" Sirius cried out. "I want to know why you keep lying. You keep disappearing and you never tell me where."

"I get sick, you know that."

His voice was sadder then he meant it to be, but this part wasn't necessarily a lie was it?

He _was_ sick.

"What kind of illness gives you _scars_?" Sirius asked, his voice rising with each word. His eyes flashed dangerously at Remus, daring him to lie to him once more.

For a moment Remus was silent, staring back at the reddening face. Out of guilt his eyes finally had to look away.

"The kind you wouldn't understand."

Without waiting for a reply, Remus turned around and began walking slowly towards the door.

"You're a prat and a lier, Remus!" Sirius called out angrily after him, but Remus payed no mind, letting himself out of the greenhouse alone.

When he was out of sight, Sirius slumped down in a chair behind him, kicking out his frustration on a pile of dirt as he did so.

He had so readily accepted Remus as his friend, telling him almost all of his worst kept secrets. Remus knew about his family and how much he feared his father. He knew about how his family intermarried and why Sirius refused to become like them. It was surprisingly hurtful to find out that Remus wasn't willing to share a similar intimacy with him. He felt…

Betrayed.

And it was an entirely new sensation for him. He hated it and then he hated Remus for making it happen. He sat in deep thought, wondering what he'd done wrong to deserve such treatment.

Perhaps Remus was afraid to tell him because he was a Black. Maybe he still thought that Sirius was like his other family members and wasn't willing to trust him. But this idea only made him even madder. Hadn't he proven to everyone that he was nothing like them?

He stood up suddenly, not able to sit on his frustration any longer and decided to head to the dorms to talk with James and Peter about what he saw. Remus was hiding something important from him and he was going to find out what it was. If anyone could figure it out, it'd be the three of them.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please review :-)**


	3. Second Year

**Second Year**

* * *

The three boys were lined up against the halls wall, steps away from the Fat Lady's portrait as Professor McGonagall eyed them up and down. She was in a right fit, having just heard of their deeds in the third floor Slytherin bathroom. James, Peter, and Sirius stood closely to one another, as if trying to create themselves into one giant teenage entity instead of three separate ones. Perhaps they thought this would stand a better chance against McGonagall's anger.

"Disrespectful and utterly irresponsible…" Sirius heard her rant. He couldn't help but tune in and out of what she was saying. He had been scolded so many times by his parents and teachers, that he eventually found they all said the same thing. It was somewhere along the lines of how he should grow up and take things more seriously. Finding that idea to be ridiculous, he found the best thing to do was to tune it all out. He had become a master of it by age ten.

"And you, Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall continued, turning on the young boy. Sirius focused his eyes on her, snapped out of his trance by the mention of his name. "Merlin forbid your parents hear of this. You are lucky the Head of Slytherin has decided not to contact them. If it were up to me I would have."

She took a step back, trying to tell if her yells had any effect in scaring the boys away from future mischief. She rolled her eyes, knowing she was only wishfully thinking.

"Week long detentions for each of you." She added determinately "Now return to your Common Room. I do not want to see you three before tomorrow morning's class. Do I make myself clear?"

The three sulking boys nodded their heads in understanding and quickly clabbered in through the portal hole. Once inside and out of the professor's line of view, James and Peter let out huge sighs of relief.

"Can you believe that? Week long detentions and we didn't even accomplish anything." James said, throwing himself down onto the nearest couch.

"Yeah, no thanks to you two…" mumbled Sirius, still bitter about the whole event.

"That's not fair! How were we suppose to know Severus was in there?" cried out Peter. James eagerly agreed with him.

"It was _your_ job to make sure nobody was inside when we cast the spell!" Sirius responded, throwing his hands up at his two friends.

"It's no one's fault but that Snape characters. If he hadn't told, we'd be scot free." James replied, grimacing with resentment. The other two boys nodded with agreement, thinking of the slimy Slytherin that had ratted them out.

"Right and I'm sure it was Severus' idea to destroy his own house's bathroom." Said a new and taunting voice from behind them.

The three turned to see Remus holding numerous books, obviously having just come from the library. Sirius smirked at him.

"Actually, no. That was your idea." He replied smugly. Remus set his books down on the nearest table and maneuvered around the couches to sit next to the black haired boy.

"Don't start trying to blame this on me. It was merely a suggestion…almost a year ago." Remus retorted back.

"Well if you'd of come with us, like we asked, we probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble." Peter added, grumbling under his breath.

"If I'd come with you lot I would've been serving detention also." He replied bluntly.

"_Week-long_ detentions." James corrected him and Remus shook his head in half amusement.

"Did she call you reckless again?" Remus mused.

"That and irresponsible, disruptive, and irrational." Sirius replied, beginning to lie across the couch, draping his legs over Remus' thighs. Remus rightly threw them off, as was the usual routine.

"Don't forget hopeless." Peter said with a saddening expression. James threw a hand in his hair, remembering Professor McGonagall's face as she said it.

"Ooo," Remus winced back at them. "She used hopeless, eh? Bad luck, mates." And he shoved Sirius' wandering legs off of him once again.

Remus thought that from their argument in the greenhouse last year, Sirius would be less than friendly and a lot more suspicious from then on. Although the rest of first year had passed with lots of unspoken tension between the two of them, Sirius seemed to have forgotten and forgiven all at the start of the new term. Remus had worried countless times over the summer whether or not he would still have friends once he returned and why he should care if he didn't. But it looked to him like it had been all a waste of time. Sirius was more clingy and invading then ever and Remus couldn't help but appreciate his friend's short attention span.

He did however find that the boys often snuck off together without letting him come with, always making excuses and finding ways to dodge him. It was relatively unnerving, but Remus assumed it was because they were once again planning to pull a terrible act on Severus or Lily and figured he'd be a liability to their plans. This was somewhat comforting since Remus didn't really want to know. He enjoyed it when he didn't have to lie afterwards, when Lily would corner him and he could honestly say that he knew nothing about it.

"Why didn't you brew a polyjuice potion?" He said after a moment, retreating from his thoughts and focusing on the three boy's issues instead.

James, Peter, and Sirius all threw eyes at each other, suddenly wondering why they hadn't.

"You see?" cried Peter "This is why you need to help us!" He looked desperately over at Remus, who was once again pushing at Sirius' legs and beginning to laugh.

"And get in more trouble than I already do? You three are impossible, honestly."

"Peter's right, Remus. If you'd help us we'd be sure to not get caught." James chimed in, looking hopeful.

"And even if we did, you could use your puppy eyes on McGonagall to get us out of it. She adores you." Sirius added, finally giving up on his legs and switching sides to rest his head on Remus' lap instead. Remus stared down at him with annoyance.

He did not have _puppy eyes_. He also didn't think it was fair to poke fun at his features when it was quite obvious that Sirius was the best looking of the bunch and often used it to his advantage. It wasn't Remus' fault that Professor McGonagall was immune to Sirius' devilish charms.

"You're all mad." Remus replied disapprovingly. "You don't need me, what you need is to think properly before you do something."

"But that's _why_ we have you." Sirius smiled innocently up at him. Remus couldn't help but laugh loudly. They were all bonkers.

"Even if you don't, I'm getting Snape back for what he did." James said, almost to himself. He crossed his arms in determination and sunk deeper into the armchair he was sitting in. "Bloody hate that guy."

"Ugh," Sirius retched out in agreement. "What a sneak, telling on us like that." Remus sighed deeply and looked between the two complainers.

"What do you three have against him anyway?" Remus asked irritated. The constant bickering from them and Lily was increasing every day and Remus was beginning to get frustrated by it all.

"He's a _Slytherin_." Peter replied with disgust.

"He thinks he's better than everybody else." Sirius added.

"_And_ he fancies Lily Evans." James threw in angrily.

Sirius cocked up an eyebrow at his friend.

"I'm not sure I get that last one, but okay." Sirius grinned, happy to have any excuse to hate the boy, no matter how absurd the reason.

"What?" James replied. "Who'd ever fall for that girl is obviously blooming crazy, right?"

Remus just rolled his eyes at all of them. "Can't you just let it go already?" he asked pleadingly.

"You only defend him because _you're_ in love with Lily Evans." piped in Peter.

Sirius gave a roaring laugh as Remus began blushing with anger. He had been about to loudly protest the idea when James jumped up from his chair in a frantic rush.

"Is not!" James cried out. Sirius stopped mid laugh and once again looked over at him with now both eyebrows disappearing into his black fringe.

"Mate," Sirius started. "I think you're going mad."

"Well he's not!" James said again, starting to turn red. "Are you?" he asked, sounding incredibly unsure of himself and turning towards Remus.

"For the fifteenth time, NO." Remus replied.

If he had to hear one more time that Lily and him were an item he was going to jinx someone. It had been a malicious rumor that started at the end of first year. He knew he spent a lot of time with Lily outside of class, studying and joking around, but it was the furthest thing from his mind. He was only thirteen for Merlin's sake and had enough problems figuring out how to brew a Swelling Solution let alone how to merge himself into a young girl's affections. Lily was someone whom he sought out after having had enough of the never-ending chaos that surrounded Sirius, James, and Peter. She was a reasonable, respectable person like himself and he found it annoying that people mistook his friendship with her for something more.

Besides, even though everyone knew Severus was head over heels for Lily, nobody seemed to notice how much Lily reciprocated those feelings. She always turned as red as her hair every time his name was mentioned around her or if he surprised her with a visit in the library. It was actually quite sickening to see how much they ogled over each other, yet Remus seemed to be the only one to notice this.

"Now would you mind getting off." Remus said sternly, nudging roughly at Sirius. The black-haired boy had wiggled his head onto Remus' lap uncomfortably and after Peter's last comment, Remus was in no mood for his childish behavior.

"NO." Sirius mocked and pushed his oversized head back even harder.

Remus gave him a rude gesture.

"Suit yourself." He said airily and grabbed one of his textbooks from the night table. He proceeded to open it and then place it atop Sirius' face to begin reading. Instead of finally leaving him alone, as Remus thought he might, Sirius only starting giggling, his laughs muffled by the book's binding. Remus grunted in frustration.

This was going to be a very long night.

**XxxxX**

_Tap tap tap_

Remus looked up from his Transfigurations book to eye Lily. She was sitting across from him in the library with her face down, staring at the same page in her book she was thirty minutes ago. Her one hand was in her hair, scratching furiously at her scalp while the other drummed along the wooden table. She seemed to ignore his eyes and continued to look downward, pretending as if he wasn't there. Remus sighed, not really wanting to know what was wrong, seeing as he had so much work to finish by tomorrow. He gave her another quick glance and tried to concentrate on his homework again.

_Tap tap tap_

Ignore it, he thought to himself.

_Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap,_ her fingers seemed to echo louder and louder, quicken their pace.

"Lily," Remus finally said warily, making her index finger stop in mid-air. "Is there anything a matter?"

She quickly looked at him and opened her mouth to speak as if she had been dying for him to ask all along. But once meeting his eyes she just as quickly shut her mouth and proceeded to nod her head no. Remus gave her a dubious look and shrugged his shoulders, secretly happy she decided not to say anything.

He liked Lily, but she always had an opinion about everything and never seemed too shy to share.

He turned his head down once again and continued reading, satisfied with himself for having been a friend and asking, yet also not receiving any sort of lecture out of it.

Another minute passed before Remus jumped as Lily slammed her book closed in frustration.

"I just don't get it!" She yelled at him, throwing her hands into the air and then folding them across her chest. She stared at him with fury in her eyes and Remus looked back, confused by her outburst.

"Don't get what?" Remus asked, now speaking as though he was approaching a wild animal.

"Why you hang out with them," she continued too loudly for the library's quiet atmosphere. "Do you know what Severus caught them doing the other day?"

Remus grimaced.

Here we go again, he thought to himself.

Remus knew he caught himself in the middle of a teenage war zone from day one of Hogwarts, but he wasn't sure how much more he could take of Lily telling him how horrible James, Sirius, and Peter were _or_ James, Sirius, and Peter telling him how dreadful Lily was. The game was beginning to get him angry at everyone, wondering whether he should be friends with either side.

"Lily…" Remus started, but she cut him off.

"A Contralectus spell on the toilets so that all the Slytherins would be thrown off!" Lily continued as though Remus hadn't said anything. Remus tried as hard as he could not to smile.

It was kinda funny, wasn't it?

Unfortunately Lily saw his weak attempt at covering it up and nearly exploded with anger.

"Remus! It's not funny, it's dangerous!" She fumed, looking at him in complete astonishment.

"Lily, I really don't think being thrown from a toilet constitutes itself as dangerous." Remus replied as seriously as he could muster. "I think you're overreacting a bit."

"I'm _not_ overreacting. They're cruel, Remus. Why can't you see that?" She said, leaning back in her chair and re-crossing her arms. Remus gave a loud sigh in response.

"Look, I know they're rowdy but they're my friends, just like you are." Remus replied, trying to ease the girl's temper. "I defend you as well." He added and Lily gave a loud huff of disapproval, not believing a word he was saying.

"_They_ are not your friends. Friends don't pick on you and coerce you into doing things you don't want to do." She retorted.

"It's not like that." Remus replied offended. She was making him out to be some sort of floozy that tailed Sirius and James all day. He couldn't help but feel suddenly defensive.

"Oh yeah? What's it like then?"

Remus felt himself turning red under her judgment. Sirius and James were obnoxious to say the least, but they never forced Remus into doing anything he didn't want to. Hadn't he just said no to helping them out in the bathrooms? It seemed pointless trying to explain this to Lily. She already had made up her mind up about them a long time ago so Remus figured he'd try and attack from a different angle.

"I never say anything to you about Severus." Remus responded with callous. He watched as her face lost its chagrin and Remus knew he'd hit the right spot.

"That's different." She said blushing slightly, letting her arms fall loosely by her sides. "He's not like _them_."

"Yes, he's always completely innocent." Remus replied sarcastically. "Snape and his friends egg them on all the time Lily. You didn't say anything when they bonded Sirius' robes with James' last week."

"That was a joke!" she replied passionately.

"Sure it was." Remus said, raising a skeptical eyebrow at her. "And I suppose whenever Severus hovers over us every time you utter a word to me, that's completely normal behavior for a friend as well?"

"He's just…" Lily began, obviously finding it hard to put a word on Severus' behavior towards her.

"Protective." She finally said.

"He's jealous." Remus stated bluntly. "Ever since that rumor started he's used it as an excuse to hate me."

"Don't talk about him like that." Lily said defensively. She sprang up out of her seat, frustrated. "He's nice to me, which is more than your friends are."

"Sirius and James are nice to_ me_." Remus heard himself say back.

"Remus, they don't even know who you are! You're just a convenience to them, living in their dorms. You really think they'd be friends with you if you'd been sorted into another house?"

Remus' face fell slightly as her point unknowingly spoke heaps of truth. The sharp words stunned him into silence and his mouth failed to form any counter.

Seeing his hesitation, Lily took it as a sign of defeat and began gathering her books up in a rush. Remus watched her, not daring to move and feeling unusually weak. She gave him one last menacing look before stomping off out of the library, her steps echoing through the large room.

For a while Remus just stared after her, feeling guilty for arguing and also lost in his thoughts from what she said. Remus turned to look down at his hands fumbling with the ends of his jumper.

_They don't even know who you are._

The thought repeated itself over and over again as Remus threw his hand up to gently press against the temples of his forehead.

"Nobody knows who I am," he mumbled softly into his lap.

He knew he shouldn't care.

He came here to study, not make friends, he thought to himself. Whatever happened to that plan?

Even though he hated admitting it, he had been enjoying the attention and care his friends were giving him. He liked them, all of them. He'd grown attached to the boyish personalities of James and Peter and he loved that Sirius could make him laugh no matter the occasion or circumstance. Lily was kind and thoughtful, always there for him to talk to when he missed home or his parents. He had begun to think that his friendships with them meant more to him then just having some sort of career in the end.

He shook his head, annoyed at himself for being so ignorant to reality. If they ever found out about him, everything would be over. Nobody would care anymore, not even Lily.

He felt himself frown at the thought of his friends calling him the horrible names he'd heard all his life growing up.

_Monster_, _animal_, _half-breed_; each one burned at his chest like fire. He'd fooled himself into somehow thinking that he'd actually made real friendships, but the truth was that they only tolerated him because they didn't know.

_And they'll never know._

Remus slowly stood up, trying hard not to dwell on the truth of the matter and pushed Lily's words to the back of his head. He made his way to his dorm where he knew awaited three boys that would never accept him for the monster he really was.

**XxxxX**

Sirius shook his head in frustration as he threw yet another useless book onto the large pile accumulating around him. He could barely make out Peter and James next to him any more through the tall stacks surrounding the three boys.

All year they'd been searching and all year it had led to dead ends.

No books, articles, or ancient Daily Prophet newspapers provided any information on the growing case of Remus Lupin's illness.

Sirius had been determined to figure it out, thinking that it wouldn't take long at all once the three boys decided to investigate. But now, as Sirius moaned in aggravation and stared at the endless pile of unchecked texts in front of him, he wasn't sure if he would _ever_ know and it bothered him more than anything. Never one for patience, Sirius wasn't sure when was the last time he worked so hard and tediously to get something he wanted. Time normally spent for rough housing, joke playing, and innocent tom foolery, was now replaced with hours in the library, reading massive sized books and searching for the illness Remus was greedily hiding from him.

Last year, when Sirius had told James and Peter what he'd seen on Remus' arms, the two had taken a defensive position for the boy in question, lecturing Sirius on his imposing nature. Their remarks left Sirius dumbfounded and angry, resulting in a sharp verbal match between the three of them in the dorm room. Peter had been particularly adamant about giving Remus space and letting him alone, positive that when Remus was ready, he would tell them. That of course was much to logical and tolerant for Sirius' taste, but when James agreed with Peter's suggestion, Sirius begrudgingly agreed to let it go.

That had lasted for most of the summer and throughout the first few months of the second term, but Sirius' curiosity was over powering and he caved in, secretly searching on his own late at night. The more books Sirius went through, the more obsessive he got. It wasn't long before James and Peter caught on to what he was doing and scolded him for not keeping his promise.

But one day, after Remus had just returned from another long absence and the four boys had been roughly tackling eachother in a pointless quarrel, Remus had stood up laughing and the three other boys gasped in horror as a dark red blood stain soaked through his white button down. Whatever half healed injury Remus had been hiding beneath his shirt had reopened in the fray and begun bleeding once more. The scraggy boy blushed with embarrassment before desperately trying to cover himself up and sprinting for the bathroom.

The incident did nothing but further boost Sirius' fixation and the overwhelming curiosity. The shock of how dire Remus' illness seemed to be finally forced James and Peter to join his cause. The three of them had been invading the library's stacks ever since, searching for some sort of hint as to what had Remus bleeding pints. Sirius looked through every single magically related medical condition known to the wizarding community before he thought that perhaps it was a muggle illness instead. The three boys then moved their research into the 'Muggle studies' section for a few months before also coming up empty. Now it had become random guess work and they were currently huddled on the floor, books stacked between them, in the Dark Arts and Creatures section. It had been Peter's turn to choose which area they would move to next and once he pointed his finger to the very end of the library, where half the books could attack you, James and Sirius sighed with vexation before heading over.

Sirius had finally willed himself to grab another book when he heard shuffling to the right of him, where James was sitting.

"Excuse me." said a small girl's voice. The girl was trying to make her way passed their cluttered territory and although Sirius couldn't see her, he heard the crash of books fall when she inevitably bumped into one of the numerous stacks.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, realizing her mistake.

James cried out as the tower of books proceeded to collapse on top of him. Sirius peered through the small slits of space between two piles and he smiled slyly when he saw a red haired girl trying to pick up the volumes off of him.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry! I was-OH!" Lily Evans recoiled back as the last book she picked up revealed her victim's face.

"It's _you_." She revolted, her voice instantly changing from apologetic to resentful.

"The one and only." James grinned back. He reached out his hand for her to grab onto so that she could help him up but instead of gripping onto it, Lily turned her face away and proceeded to pick up several books she had placed down earlier in her attempt to dig him out.

"Well never mind then," she said, holding her books with both hands and repositioning them against her torso. "You probably deserved that for some future prank you'll put me through."

"Now Evans, it's a little unfair to be punishing us for things we haven't even done yet don't you think?" Sirius chimed in, standing up to reveal himself behind the piles separating them.

Peter, curious as to what was happening, stood up also, his face barely visible through the tall mounds. Sirius wondered if he was standing on his tiptoes.

"Blimey, all_ three_ of you are here? Did someone put me under a curse or is it just bad luck?"

"Evans, Evans, Evans," James tsted, also having found his footing. "running into a stunningly handsome man like me isn't bad luck for _any_ of the female population."

"Consider me an exception." Lily replied dryly.

Ready to finish her run in with the three boys, she glanced around for a way through the mess they'd created in the middle of the isle.

She tried to lightly inch her way through but found that she couldn't maneuver well enough to not step on any books and since her hands were preoccupied with her own texts, she couldn't move anything out of the way either. She frowned, contemplating whether to risk stepping on top of them and possibly face the wrath of Madame Pince or stay with her current company. She sighed and looked up to see James' smug face eyeing her.

"And why are the three misfits of Gryffindor in the library?" She asked, trying to hold on to some dignity. "I'd think this place is too good for you lot."

"We're looking for Remus' illness" piped in Peter quickly.

Sirius and James dropped their jaws and glared in Peter's direction, trying to blatantly give the pudgy boy a warning to close his mouth.

"Remus' illness?" Lily asked, suddenly taking interest. "What do you mean?"

"Well he always disappears-"

Thinking quickly, Sirius casually shoved his elbow so the the pile of books separating him and Peter fell over. Caught off guard, Peter stopped mid sentence as he was grappled to the floor by the heavy volumes.

"Sirius, you wanker!" He cried, struggling on the ground.

"Well shut your trap then!" Sirius hissed back at him.

"And why should he?" Lily huffed defiantly. "I'm Remus' friend too, I have a right to know."

"Please, you're no more his friend than his mum is." Sirius barked back.

He was surprised to see Lily's face show some disconcert at the comment. He wondered if his words actually had affected the girl. It'd be a first since the red head let most of his insults bounce off her unfazed. He almost felt bad, but then remembered her habit of taking Remus away from him; telling the sickly boy to meet her in the library to study or convincing him to sit next to her in the dining hall. Sirius thought she must be some sort of siren to get the boy to hang out with her so much. The three of them were much more interesting than the stuck-up red was, so who would choose Lily Evans over Sirius Black unless they were forced to?

"He wouldn't tell you anything." Sirius sneered at the young girl, taking his chance to break down her confidence further.

"Oh and he told you three, did he?" she fought back.

"Of course" Sirius lied

"Then why are you in the library 'looking for Remus' illness'?" she mocked.

"We're not looking for his illness Evans, we already know that. We're looking for the _cure_." Sirius snapped.

The story came out so easily that he almost believed it himself. Sirius silently congratulated himself on such a quick and rational lie and cherished the bewildered look on Lily's face. He could see the wheels inside her head turning, deciding if she actually believed his statement or not, but Sirius could tell that if nothing else he had permanently slipped in an ounce of doubt about her friendship with Remus. He grinned in satisfaction.

Sirius' private gloat was interrupted by James.

"What's this Evans?" James teased, grabbing the top book that had been piled into her arms. "The History and Life of Dark Creatures?" He read the title aloud.

"Give it back Potter!" Lily cried, once again setting down her other books to free her hands. She tried to grab the book back but James was too quick for her and easily moved to keep it out of her reach.

James had grown a full inch since last year and now hovered over Lily's small frame comfortably. The added height seemed to have it's advantages. Even when Lily tried to jump to retrieve her book, James only had to stretch his hand higher to keep her from achieving it. He laughed with glee at the sight of her jumping up and down and she stopped immediately once realizing this. James flipped through the pages carelessly, eyeing the illustrations and chapter titles.

"Why would a respectable girl like you wanna read about vampires, werewolves, and gia-"

But whatever James had been about to say was suddenly cut off as his eyes popped and his posture grew ridged.

"Bloody hell…" he mumble quietly and the other three looked at him confused, not understanding what was running through his head.

"Sirius." James said suddenly, giving his friend a serious nod of the head.

Sirius took a moment to comprehend what the other boy was trying to tell him and then like lightening it hit him.

_He found something. _

Sirius had to mentally restrain himself from jumping with joy and quickly grabbed his rucksack from the floor.

"Well Evans," Sirius rushed. "It's been lovely but gotta run!"

Without taking any care on what they stepped on or pushed over, James and Sirius quickly ran down the isle, pulling Peter with them, who still had no idea what was going on. Lily stared after them for a moment completely lost in their odd behavior before she realized James still had her book.

"Hey! That's mine!" she cried after their fleeing forms. Sirius turned around sharply and grinned.

"Sorry Evans. We'll give it back another time!" He yelled down the isle. Just as he was about to continue his sprint toward the dorms he saw Madame Pince's looming body stomping up quickly to where Lily was standing, books thrown and covering the floor around her.

"Lily Evans!" Madame Pince hollered, eyeing the numerous footprints now plastered onto the covers of several rare titles.

Petrified, Lily tried to quickly point to where the boys had just run off to, but Sirius ducked from view and began running to catch up with the other two. As he reached the doors to the library he could still hear the echoing yells of Madame Pince and couldn't help but bark out a loud laugh in response.

* * *

**A/N:**

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	4. Third Year - Part One

**Third Year - Part One**

* * *

Remus sat on his four poster bed, his back against the head board as he tried desperately to finish the last two scrolls of his Charms essay. Usually such an assignment would only take him an hour at most but he was currently distracted examining his three friend's behaviors.

All day his dorm mates had been acting oddly, each one swearing to him that nothing was wrong. It was obvious to Remus that they were lying, but he had yet to figure out what was going on inside their heads. Initially he thought it was just the regular anxious expressions they put on before a secret prank they had planned was about to happen. It wouldn't have been the first time they hadn't told Remus about it. But now that their classes had passed and night was coming up shortly, Remus was less convinced.

_It's definitely_ _something though_, he thought as he stole quick glances at his friends.

Peter, like Remus, sat on his bed flipping much too quickly through a Quiddich magazine to actually be reading it. During their classes that morning, it seemed as if Peter was extra jumpy and trying hard to avert his eyes from ever meeting Remus'. When Remus had enough of his awkward squirming, he demanded to know what they were up to. Peter had instantly stood up out of his chair, fumbling with his books to rush out of the room while stuttering about how he'd promised not to say anything. Remus had been about to press the boy for more information, knowing that Peter was always the easiest to break, but couldn't catch him before he had bolted for the door.

Sighing with puzzlement, Remus re-adjusted his legs on the bed in order to take a closer look at James. If Peter had been odd, James had been even more so. The tall boy kept giving Remus encouraging pats on the back at random times all afternoon. Once, while Remus was brewing a potion and twice when he was eating in the dining hall. Every unnecessary pat was accompanied by excessive praise.

_There you go Remus, eat up._

_Merlin you brewed that potion perfectly._

It was as if James thought Remus needed a boost of self esteem just to finish his meal. Had Remus not been so boggled by the sudden change in James' behavior, he might have found it insulting.

On top of it all, James hadn't stopped talking until they had retreated into their dorm. While Sirius and Peter had been bent on limiting their conversations with him all day, James decided it was imperative that he fill every uncomfortable moment with useless chatter. Remus swore that he'd even started talking about flowers at one point.

Looking at him now, Remus could see the young boy fidgeting endlessly in his bed while occasionally looking at his night stand clock.

_What are they waiting for?_

Remus turned his head slightly to eye Sirius just to the right of him. Sirius' behavior had been by far the most disturbing. He had barely uttered two words all day and yet Remus had caught him numerous times just staring blankly at him. It was unnerving.

He glanced at his own clock, itching to be altogether done with the distracting bunch. Remus never thought he'd be grateful to leave for the Shrieking Shack, but he didn't think he could handle Peter's avoidance or Sirius' stare any longer. The full moon was tonight and he'd already told the three that he'd be visiting his mom for a few days. Like most of the other times Remus made up similar excuses, they took his explanation in stride, not asking any questions and simply nodding their heads in understanding. Remus did notice however, that Sirius' short words of reply were coldly delivered. He was slightly angered by Remus' statement, but since Siruis tended to get angry over just about everything, Remus quickly shrugged it off as irrelevant.

He gave a yawn and stretched his arms before removing his unfinished essay and quill to the nightstand. He figured he could head down a few minutes earlier to Madame Pomfrey in order to escape his current company. As he stood up, he watched as he triggered a chain reaction in his friends. Sirius, James, and Peter all jumped up out of their beds at the same time, standing to look at him. Remus cocked his head, wondering if maybe this was the precise time they'd planned to jinx him.

_A little late for games, but you never can assume with these three._

"Everything alright?" Remus asked, cocking one eyebrow up at the three of them.

None of them reacted, each one standing perfectly frozen as if Remus' words and movement had stunned them into silence. He crinkled his brow, eyeing each one carefully.

"For Merlin sake, what are you three planning already?" Remus said as he threw his hands to his hips. "I'm actually starting to worry now."

"Are you leaving?" Sirius blurted out suddenly, taking a bold step forward. Remus sighed in frustration, finally giving up trying to get an answer out of them.

"Yes, Sirius. I'm leaving."

He turned around to grab a few pairs of clothing from his trunk. If they weren't going to tell him what was going on, he was determined to leave as quickly as possibly.

"To your mum's?" Peter squeaked, suddenly finding his voice.

"Yes." Remus said again, grabbing his wand and shoving it into his pocket. He quickly placed his folded clothes into a rucksack and began moving towards the door. "I'd love to find out what you lot are planning to sabotage me with, but I really have –"

His words were cut off as Sirius stepped out in front of his path, blocking his way to the door.

"What are you-"

"Stop lying." Sirius said coldly. His eyes bore into him as Remus felt his curiosity fold from underneath him.

Silence engulfed the room as Remus tried to comprehend exactly what Sirius was saying. Perhaps their behavior hadn't involved anything as innocent as he had originally thought.

_Perhaps they'd found out_, he panicked.

He took a tentative step back from his looming friend and glanced towards Peter and James.

"Remus, we've been…researching." James started, taking a few steps forward. "And we think we may have found an answer to where you go every month."

_Every month. They've noticed it's every month?_

Remus could feel his heart beginning to slow, coldness running through his veins. He was starting to sweat with a sudden rush of anxiety. He silently begged that this was some sort of misunderstanding, that James hadn't actually found out what Remus thought he did.

"I don't leave _every_ month mates." Remus tried, but his voice was betraying him. It shook with nervousness and Remus had begun moving back, foolishly allowing himself to be literally cornered.

"Every full moon you do, Remus." Peter quickly added. His words sent a cold chill down Remus' back.

_They know. Oh Merlin, they know!_

He was sure his heart had completely stopped and his vision began to blur. All his hard work, all his 'friends', _everything_ was ruined. They were going to tell everyone if they didn't plan on killing him right here first.

"I don't-" He tried desperately to breathe out. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're a werewolf." Sirius said blankly.

Remus couldn't catch his breath. As he looked at each of them, he realized that all day he'd been misinterpreting their expressions. Peter wasn't avoiding him because he was scared he'd let something slip, he was scared of _him_. And James had been fidgeting for the same reason. They were _petrified of him_, of the monster they've been living with for the past three years right under their noses. Sirius had been staring because of hatred. His eyes had been full of loathing and resentment. Resentment that Remus had lied about what he was, disguising himself as his friend.

_No, no, no! How did I not see this?_

Remus threw a hand to his chest, gasping for air. He watched as the three boys started moving closer, their dark shadows casting out any light on his form.

"That's why you have the scars isn't it?" Sirius' voice boomed.

Remus looked up pleadingly, begging him to stop talking. He watched horrified as Sirius held up his wand. A short incantation later and Remus felt the fibers of his shirt rip, pieces of it falling to the floor around him. Remus threw his arms across himself, trying hard to hide the raw cuts that covered his frame. The three boys stared at him with menace in their eyes as the room continued to grow darker and colder.

"I can't believe it…" Peter muttered, staring at him.

"You never said…" James continued.

Sirius only stared and Remus felt himself close his eyes, trying hard to pretend that he was somewhere else entirely. He waited with fear for the attack or harsh words they would inevitably begin to say, holding himself. He was no match against three.

He heard himself scream as a body rushed into him, knocking him down to the floor. He struggled to escape their grasp, but the weight on top of him increased as the other two pounced as well.

"Oh Merlin!" he shouted, feeling as though those might be his last words. He began running off in his head all the things he never had a chance to do, all the things he had wanted to be, and all the times he should've told his parents that he loved them. Now he'd never have the chance.

Strong hands pinned him as he continued to fight off what he could. Their ruthless grips were no match for his scrawny muscles and their laughter rang through his ears like torture. They-

Remus stopped moving suddenly.

_Laughter?_

He opened his eyes to meet with three smiling boys, all toppled over him, grappling not only Remus, but each other as well.

They weren't attacking him. They were wrestling. And laughing…

He heard Peter giggling somewhere near him.

"I can't believe I'm friends with a _werewolf_!"

"All this time I thought you were a big dork and little did I know how cool you really were." James smiled, ruffling up Remus' hair while elbowing Sirius in the gut.

"I don't know how I could piss my parents off anymore." Sirius chimed in, beaming like an idiot as he began choke holding James back.

Remus, unmoving and completely shocked, stared up at them. Although they had tackled him, his lack of playfulness had them preoccupied wrestling eachother, using him purely as their battle field instead. None of them seemed to notice Remus' still body underneath them and his state of utter confusion.

There were so many reasons Remus should have stopped them and forced them to talk to him instead of acting like children. For one thing, being a werewolf was not _cool_, it was a serious and horrible disease he suffered every month. For another, he needed to be absolutely sure they weren't going to tell anyone, because now that they held his darkest secret in their hands, they could ultimately ruin his life.

But surprisingly, Remus did nothing but lye there and watch them. Instead of his mind racing to the important and responsible things he needed to do, he could only focus on the one thing that nearly made him stop breathing again.

_They know what I am and they're still here._

**XxxxX**

Remus quickly smacked Sirius' hand away from the boiling hot potion brewing in their cauldron. Being the partner of such an energetic person usually resulted in playing the parental supervisor. Sirius grinned back at him as he retreated his hand and Remus couldn't help but smile back.

Sirius knew this potion like the back of his hand, but instead of trying to impress Slughorn like so many other students were trying to do, he was focused on baiting Remus. Apparently, Sirius found Potions class much more amusing when he teased Remus with trying to add in wrong ingredients or stir a brew the opposite direction. Every time Remus caught him trying to sabotage their project, he'd rightly scowl and roll his eyes. It was mostly just a bluff so that he wouldn't break out in laugher instead. If he encouraged Sirius' behavior, something was bound to blow up.

He'd just finished elbowing Sirius for the second time behind him when Remus heard a girlish laugh from the opposite side of the room. He looked up to see Lily and Severus smiling over their own cauldron. Caught temporally distracted staring at the two of them, Sirius managed to snake a hand around him, throwing in what looked like an unpeeled shrivelfig into the liquid. Remus was forced out of his gaze to the pops and fizzles of their failing Shrinking Solution. He stepped back quickly as he watched the liquid turn into a black tar-like substance.

"Sirius!" Remus whispered harshly at him. Sirius barked a laugh and ducked as Remus reached out to take a playful swing at him. "Now we have to start all over, Merlin."

"We still have a half hour, please." Sirius replied smugly, taking a seat down and waving his wand to empty out their cauldron.

"Fine, then_ you_ can stir for the first ten minutes this time." Remus said, as he sat down and began skinning another shrivelfig. As Sirius busied himself re-starting the project, Remus found himself looking up across the room again.

He never agreed with Lily hanging out with Snape once he found out that Severus had befriended some very dodgy blood purists, but any negative remarks Remus attempted to voice to her were quickly and angrily shot down. Lily Evans hadn't many push buttons, but Remus caught on early that there were two things she absolutely would go spare over. One was when Remus defended James' behavior and another whenever he said a bad word against Severus. Remus knew she was infatuated with the Slytherin, but he also couldn't help worrying about whether that was good or not. He had a hard time seeing what Lily loved so much about Snape. The boy wasn't exactly a charmer.

Looking at them now, as Severus allowed his hand to linger on hers when passing ingredients, Remus contemplated if he'd been wrong to judge him so quickly. It was apparent they were both enamored with each other, whether they admitted it yet or not. They're exchange of blushing glances gave that away easily enough. If Severus always looked at Lily the way he was looking at her now, Remus was sure he wouldn't have a problem with their destined relationship.

As Lily laughed again, presumably over some inside joke Severus was whispering to her, Remus found a smile playing on his own face from her happiness. He supposed Severus couldn't really be that bad if he had fallen in love with Lily.

"Are you even listening to me?" Sirius' voice interrupted him. Remus quickly looked over to see his friend glaring angrily back at him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something…" he mumbled before grabbing the ladle inside the cauldron.

"You mean thinking about Lily Evans." Sirius spat back, grabbing for the half peeled shrivelfig in front of Remus and throwing his own knife into it. His face seemed to redden in anger as he struggled to peel it's skin away.

"We're just friends, Sirius." Remus sighed, wishing he could explain himself better. He should've known that whenever it came to Lily, Remus' actions would always be misinterpreted.

"Is that why you were staring at her for the last ten minutes? Cause you're friends?" Sirius ranted on, refusing to look at him while continuing to fight with his shrivelfig.

"Why are you so angry?" Remus asked.

"Forget it, you're as bad as James." He muttered back.

Remus was about to insist on an explanation when he heard a scream echo through-out the room. The entire class turned with him as he saw Lily lying on the floor, her hands covering her face. Above her stood an older Slytherin boy that Remus knew only as Lucius. His cauldron had tipped over, spilling it's boiling contents directly onto Lily, who'd been standing in front of him. Remus gasped in horror, jumping up to try and make his way across the room as several other students began surrounding her.

"Oops. Sorry mud-blood." Remus heard the boy say to her, staring down with cruel eyes.

Remus pushed through the small circle and knelt by Lily's side, trying to coax her to remove her hands. She only turned away from him, whimpering quietly. He looked up to see the blonde haired boy grinning from his deed and Remus finally realized that this hadn't been an accident. Severus, he noticed, was still standing, glaring at Lucius. For a moment, Remus thought Severus was going to physically attack him, his face red with anger, but Lucius eyed him back and took a step towards him.

"Got a problem Snape?" he said coolly. Remus could see the hatred in Snape's eyes as he stared back, his left hand clutching his wand so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

"No." Snape said through gritted teeth.

Remus' face fell to disbelief and he felt Lily's body turn ridged at the response. He was about to interject, not sure who he was angrier with, when he felt a nudge from behind. James had run through the circle, tripping over his robes and pushing Remus out of the way to position himself next to Lily's side instead.

"Evans! Let me heal it, I can heal it!" He said clumsily, trying to force her hands away from her face. Lily shoved him as hard as she could while still hiding herself.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled through her fingers, trying hard to now stand up by herself.

"Mr. Potter, please leave Ms. Evans alone." Professor Slughorn said as he approached the situation. Several students parted to let him through. Guiding James aside, he gently took ahold of Lily's shoulder, lifting her up. "Ms. Evans you'll have to remove your hands so that I can see the damage."

Reluctantly, Lily dropped her arms to her sides. Several gasps were heard through the room as her scalded face was revealed. The entire right side was bright red and some parts along her forehead looked as if the skin had already started to blister. Her eyes were glistened over but she continued to hold her head high.

Remus knew she'd die before she'd let the boy who did this to her see her cry.

"Oh dear..." Professor Slughorn mumbled, eyeing her face. "I believe you'd do best to head to the infirmary right away. Mr. Snape can escort you there."

"No." Lily said shortly, staring at Severus straight in front of her. "I'll go by myself."

"Very well." Professor Slughorn said as Lily began making her way out of the room. Remus watched as Severus stared after her, not saying a word. "Everyone, please return to your seats."

As Remus stood looking at Severus' cowardly form he took back his initial thoughts on the boy. Infatuated or not, there were still plenty of reasons to doubt Severus Snape's intentions.

Later that evening, as the four boys sat eating dinner, Remus couldn't stop staring at a sulking Lily. She had returned several classes later in the day, completely healed and not at all in the mood to chat with him. Her normal cheery demeanor was replaced with a sadness Remus had never seen in her before. It was disturbing to observe and he wished more then anything that he could shake her out of it.

She was only several seats down from him in the Great Hall and he watched as she played mindlessly with her favorite meal, not having taken one bite from it since the start of dinner. He frowned as her eyes continued to dart over to the Slytherin table where Severus sat with the very same boy who had scalded her in Potions.

Next to him, James and Sirius were talking animatedly about trying out for the Quiddich team. Every time James declared his flying already surpassed several of the upper classman, Sirius made sure to take a jab at his ego, which ended with bits of food zooming between them. It wasn't until a chunk of mashed potatoes hit Remus in his left ear that he finally turned from Lily's depressive state and noticed the mess his friends had made on the table.

"Quit staring at her!" Sirius scowled, his face full of annoyance. Remus blushed slightly to having been caught again. It wasn't worth the effort to try and explain that it wasn't what Sirius was assuming.

"Staring at who?" James asked, dropping the small amount of food he was about to throw at Peter.

"Remus here can't seem to keep his eyes off of our red-haired nemesis today." Sirius answered for him. Remus quickly buried himself in his food, ignoring James' shocked face.

"_Lily?_" He asked, turning his head to examine Remus. "Why would you be looking at Lily?" Remus noticed a small amount of possessiveness in his voice. That, and the fact that he was suddenly calling her by her first name.

"I'm worried is all," Remus tried to explain. "Her face nearly got burnt off this morning for Merlin sake."

Sirius huffed in disapproval, shoveling a few spoonfuls of potato into his mouth before responding. When he did, Remus could barely understand his harsh words between all the half chewed food still in his mouth.

But whatever lecture Sirius had begun spewing out about Lily Evans was completely ignore by Remus as his attention focused back on the very girl they were debating. To Remus' horror, Lily was now slowly starting to make her way up to the Slytherin table.

"Oh no," Remus breathed out, watching her take bold steps up to Severus. She hesitated only a mere second before greeting him. Remus could see Snape's face contort into shock as several of the other boys surrounding him stared back up at her with smug superiority. Remus didn't have to hear what words were being exchanged to realize that the boys were going to shamelessly taunt her and that Snape was going to sit by and do nothing once again.

Sure that he couldn't watch it for a second time that day, Remus began standing up to rescue her from her own stupidity.

"Oi! I'm not finished talking!" He heard Sirius shout as the three boys watched him run over to the other side of the dining hall. He knew that this would not help his case for later arguments over Lily's friendship with him, but he also knew he'd regret it more if he didn't help her.

" I was just wondering if you'd like to meet in the library later to study, Sev." Remus heard Lily's voice say as he began getting closer. She was ignoring the cold eyes of the others and looking only at the black-haired boy.

"I –uh.." Severus began.

"What he means is that he wouldn't be caught dead with a filthy bint like yourself." Said a small brown haired boy to the right of Severus.

Remus reached out a hand, grabbing onto Lily's arm as he finally approached.

"Come on Lily, it's not worth it." He calmly whispered in her ear, turning himself away from the Slytherins so that they couldn't hear.

"No," Lily said defiantly, ripping her arm away from him. "I want to hear Severus' answer."

Remus moaned in agony. She was impossibly stubborn. He turned to see Severus gaping blankly back at her, unable to form any words for himself.

"Well?" Lily asked, unrelenting in her gaze. When Severus still refused to answer her, the rest of the boys began laughing.

"I think that's your answer mud-blood." Said one between crackles.

"Stupid bird." Muttered another.

Remus felt himself boil. There wasn't a lot that could get Remus in a rage, but this had to be one of them. He grabbed Lily's arms once again, now more determined to force her to leave.

"Those pure blood genes didn't seem to help you much in Transfigurations today Avery." He heard himself say at the small brown haired boy. "And I'd be surprised if any of you inbred prats could out perform Lily in _any_ of our classes."

The light laughter died almost instantly as the dumbfounded group stared up at Remus in surprise. Feeling he was ahead in the game of insults, he quickly nudged Lily away for a quick escape before the group decided to stop with words and begin using their wands instead. He heard himself sigh with relief when he realized that Lily was allowing him to lead her out the door and that Severus' friends weren't intent on following them. Once they were safely in the hallway, Remus let her arm go.

"Lily, have you gone _completely_ mad?" Remus started, ready to begin a long lecture on why someone born of muggles shouldn't walk into a group of blood purists.

But before he even had a chance to start his second sentence Lily turned on him and tightly wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. Remus froze in surprise as he began feeling a wetness soak through his robes.

"I hate him." he heard her mumble through sobs.

Remus stood bug-eyed for several moments not sure of what to do. He hadn't much experience in consoling people. Actually, he didn't have any experience. He looked around the hallway awkwardly, wary that no one would see them. All he needed was for someone to report back to Sirius that he had hugged Lily Evans.

Convinced there was nobody around to see, he relented and gently let his own arms fold around her.

What are friends for, he thought, sighing slightly while tightening his embrace.

**XxxxX**

Sirius was stretched across his bed, lying on his stomach and grunting in frustration. In front of him, spread out on his duvet, were several homework assignments he should have finished over a week ago. Due to his knack for procrastination however, he had waited until tonight to even glance at them. His mind was trailing everywhere _except_ on 'the uses of trans-species transformations' and even the looming threat of Professor McGonagall scolding him in the morning did nothing to help him focus on his task.

Remus Lupin was his problem. He could not help but glance over at the other boy, who was laying down in his own bed, staring up at the ceiling. Although Sirius felt the two of them had grown much closer since discussing Remus' lycanthropy, he couldn't help but notice how much he _still_ didn't know about Remus. Unlike his other two friends, Remus was completely unpredictable. James and Peter, in a _very_ loose sense, were normal. When they were happy, they smiled, when they were sad, they acted like complete cry-babies. It was all cohesive with the natural emotions of a fourteen year old boy. But Remus never allowed himself to be so forthcoming. When Remus was happy, sometimes he'd shoot a smile, but more often than not he'd hide it for whatever reason. And when Remus was sad or upset over something, he'd pretend as if he was happy. Sirius could not even fathom the logic behind it. Even when the boy was angry, he'd speak in the most calming tone known to wizards. It was maddening.

Aside from his guarded personality, Remus also had an all-knowing aura about him. With a soft amused smile and a twitch of his eyebrow, he could read your every thought and discover your deepest secrets. Or at least, that's how it seemed to Sirius anyway. Even now, Sirius squirmed uneasy on his bed thinking of all the times Remus had locked eyes with him and proceeded to cause that exact feeling. Remus' sixth sense made it impossible to keep any secrets from him and sometimes made Sirius wonder if Remus knew more about himself than he did. It didn't really seem fair that Remus was blessed with the ability to read other peoples minds, yet kept his own under lock and key.

He was an ambiguous, godlike puzzle that Sirius desperately wanted to crack open.

It was frustrating and annoying, but mostly just immensely intriguing. Sirius had never found any one individual so interesting to him, which was why he was now boring holes into the side of Remus' head, trying to figure out what was going on between Lily Evans and him.

Remus had been _acting_ as though he fancied Evans and he certainly had _denied_ that he fancied her, which usually meant that he did, but Sirius was unsatisfied with that idea and so refused to believe it. Evans was a self-righteous, boring know-it-all and Sirius could not believe that someone as captivating as Remus would fall for someone so unmistakably plain.

_Although, she is rather pretty._ Well, some thought so, not Sirius obviously.

He frowned contemplating this. Surely Remus wouldn't be so naïve as to base his interests in Evans purely on good looks, right?

Finished arguing inside his head, Sirius slipped his scrolls together in one giant mess at the end of his bed and stood up. Determination etched along his face, he made his way over to Remus' side of the room and without asking, plopped himself down near the light haired boy's feet. Remus, who saw him marching over, only eyed him up and down, with that amused smile stretching across his face.

"Something a matter?" He asked, slowly using his arms as leverage to sit up in the bed.

"Do you fancy Lily Evans?" Sirius asked straight out. No use dabbling around the inevitable.

As James' head shot straight out of the closed curtains of his four poster, Remus let his arms collapse from underneath him, falling back onto the bed.

"Merlin Sirius, let's not do this again." He pleaded, throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Is that a yes?" Sirius bugged, crossing his arms and positioning himself more comfortably. He wanted to make sure that Remus knew he wasn't going to let it go this time.

Remus groaned in annoyance as James got out of his bed and proceeded to make his way around where Sirius was sitting.

"Well?" James asked, joining in on the conversation.

"Bloody hell…" Remus moaned. He quickly sat up in his bed, draping his feet over the sides and looked coldly between the two of them. "No, I do not fancy Lily Evans and I swear on Merlin's grave if you ask me one more time I'm going to hex the living day lights out of you."

"Then why do you stare at her during class?" Sirius pushed.

"Yea, and why do you always hang out with her?" James added, folding his arms across his chest to mimic Sirius' stance.

"_And why_ do you insist on saving her from every Slytherin that pokes fun at her blood status?" Sirius quickly added before Remus could get a word in.

"Because we're _friends_." He replied, rolling his eyes and standing up.

"You never stare at me." Sirius jabbed.

"Sometimes I do." Remus said shrugging his shoulders. Sirius let his arms drop slightly in surprise. "When I'm thinking about random things, sometimes I drift off and don't realize I'm doing it." Remus added. He turned his back on them and grabbed a quill out of his desk.

"Look, I just need you to realize how horrible she is." Sirius continued with confidence. Remus chuckled softly as he turned back around.

"And what, may I ask, makes her so horrible?" He replied, looking amused.

"For one thing, she distracts you from your responsibilities." Sirius said. He lifted his forefinger, literally counting out Evans' crimes on his hand. James nodded his head eagerly in agreement.

"My responsibilities?" Remus asked skeptically.

"To your friends," Sirius answered, holding up his head a little higher. There was a short pause as Remus stared at him with narrowing eyes. "Us!" Sirius scowled, thinking that he hadn't understood his meaning.

"Yes, I got that. I was just amazed at your lack of logic." Remus said dryly.

"For another, she thinks she knows everything." Sirius continued, ignoring Remus' insult and counting out his second finger.

"She does not."

"Sure she does, she even tells me to my face that I'm an idiot." James interjected.

"Thank you, James." Sirius gestured, as if proving his point. Remus brought his hand up to his face, letting his forefingers massage at his temple.

"Oh I see," Remus droned sarcastically "because she calls James an idiot, she thinks she knows everything."

"Precisely. I'm glad your finally seeing it from our side." Sirius smiled, feeling as though he had made some progress.

"She's also hot tempered, goes spare over nothing." James added.

"Good point!" Sirius exclaimed, happy to have someone joining him in lecturing Remus. He held up three fingers proudly in front of Remus' face, taunting him. Remus smack it away.

"And she's a huge teacher's pet, constantly chatting it up with the Professors after class," James continued. "Also, she thinks she's too good for anyone, like no bloke would ever have a chance with her."

Sirius gleefully extended his entire right hand and smugly waved it at Remus.

"She also wears that perfume that smells like citrus so that I'm constantly distracted in all my classes," James ranted. " And what's with that dress she wore last week in the common room? As if her robes weren't flattering _enough_ on her so she came prancing around in a sundress?"

Sirius, who had been trying to keep his fingers up with James' speech, stopped counting and looked up at him puzzled.

"I'm not sure-" Sirius started, but was quickly cut off.

"And the way she laughs!" James hollered, oblivious to Sirius' interjection. "It's so loud and happy all the time that it drowns out whatever else is going on. I can barely concentrate when she's in the same room as me!"

James began pacing the floor, fuming over every word he said as Sirius and Remus threw confused looks at each other.

"And that time in Transfigurations when she flipped her hair at-"

"Mate." Sirius interrupted him, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and stopping him in his tracks. "I think Remus gets the point."

James offered a meek look of apology before sitting himself down, lost in his own thoughts.

"Well, that proves it I suppose," Remus said sarcastically, stealing a suspicious glance at James. "Thank you for enlightening me Sirius, I think I'll be off now." He quickly grabbed his rucksack and began heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked.

"To the library to meet Lily." He said before shutting the door behind him. Any objection Sirius had been about to make was cut out from the loud slam of the door. He grunted under his breath and looked over his shoulder to see James still sitting down on Remus' bed. His hands were running through his hair as he stared at the floor in thought and Sirius felt a small amount of pride swell up in him.

_Well at least I got through someone._

He could tell that James had been significantly affected by his case against Lily Evans.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	5. Third Year - Part Two

**Third Year – Part Two**

* * *

Remus anxiously studied his Care of Magical Creatures notes in front of him. There was only one more day left before their exam and Peter, Lily, and him decided to team up in order to tackle the harder material. Lily had been skeptical allowing Peter to join, but Remus felt guilty saying no to him and so convinced her that he would be on his best behavior. The truth was, without Sirius and James to goat him on, Peter was perfectly civil and it was well known how much he needed help with his studies. After all Peter had done for him, Remus thought it as a small form of repayment. Although Peter hadn't helped much in contributing to their group, Remus had been secretly thrilled that he successfully mingled the two of them together. It made him think that there might be hope in the future for having _all_ of his friends in the same room without wanting to bite each others heads off.

"_Of course_ they let me on the team," James' voice echoed loudly from the other end of the common room. "They already knew I was better than half the chasers they had."

Sitting across from Remus, Lily grunted angrily, her fist crumpling up the edge of her scroll.

_Maybe in the very distant future._

He couldn't blame Lily for her frustration. The three of them had been in the common room no less then an hour before James had come prancing through the portal hole with several second year girls trailing behind him in awe. The Hufflepuff Quiddich game had been held after classes today and James had scored over half the total points for Gryffindor, an amazing feat for a brand new member. They had won and Remus had yet to hear the last of it.

Within the last couple of days since he had been accepted onto the Quiddich team, James had become strangely popular among the students. Upper classmen, students from other houses, and even Professor McGonagall had expressed their amazement in the young boy's natural ability. At first, Remus found it funny how James wore his Quiddich uniform to class and smugly retold tales of the way he maneuvered the Quaffle into one of the three hoops. But now, staring at his pompous stance while the three second year girls surrounded him and sighed with admiration, Remus thought that he might be sick.

"Hewings is a rubbish Keeper, anyone could've seen that," James continued, eyeing the dirt under his nails. " I just knew he favored blocking the first two instead of the other goal."

There was a loud snap and Peter and Remus jumped slightly. Lily, a dark red running from her neck up, had snapped the quill in her right hand in half. Her eyes glanced dangerously back at James and his disrupting crowd. She closed her eyes briefly, as if to calm herself down and took in a large breath of air. As she exhaled she turned her head towards Remus and pursed her lips into a thin line.

"And I thought his head couldn't get any bigger." She said bitterly.

Remus could feel the worry building up in him. He'd been at this point far too many times to not know what was bound to happen. James would eventually say or do something wildly inappropriate, so much so that Lily would intervene and jinx him all the way to the hospital wing. It wouldn't have disturbed him to think about it if he knew that he wouldn't be caught in the middle and forced to pick a side. Whenever he did, the unsupported side wouldn't talk to him for several days. Sometimes Lily could go on for weeks without uttering a word at him. With the test tomorrow, Remus didn't need James mucking up his chances for a decent grade. He silently begged the universe to calm Lily down and make James shut up before things got out of hand.

It must not have heard him though because James proceeded to flirtatiously bid farewell to the younger girls he was with and move towards where Remus was sitting. Hearing him come, Lily darted her eyes back to her scroll, pretending to read and not notice the overwhelming sense of egotism looming nearer. Remus groaned quietly, watching him waltz up to them.

_Merlin, he's even walking like a git._

Remus reminded himself that he'd have to have a talk with James about modesty at some point.

His confident swagger stopped as he reached them.

"Hullo Lils," He said with a smirk, standing tall and looking down at her.

Lilys face dropped into a look of utter confusion. She snapped her head up at him, as if not believing her own ears and creased her eyebrows together. James had just ignored his two best mates in order to greet her first. And he'd called her _Lils_.

"Did you see the match?" He asked. His expression was oozing with a frightening amount of predatory pursuit. "Or were you too busy watching me?"

Then he winked.

Lily's eyes popped so far out of her head Remus thought that they were going to fall out. Her head jerked sharply from James to Remus, whose mouth was now open in shock, unable to process James' absurdity. He could have guessed within the last few months how James really felt about Lily Evans, but never in his wildest dreams did he think that his friend was daft enough to make those feelings known to her. Apparently, he gravely miscalculated James' confidence.

Lily continued to stare at Remus with a growing look of horror as James pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. Her eyes begged him to explain why the man she loathed the most was suddenly hitting on her. Remus knew that in the unwritten code for friendships it was his duty to the both of them to intervene. James was going to fall into a trap where only complete embarrassment dwelled just as Lily was going to be scarred the rest of her life.

But Remus was caught speechless and could only watch in panic as the scene unfolded in front of him. He supposed that meant he failed miserably as a friend but didn't feel too awful about it since Peter was still sitting next to them too, completely ignorant of James' impending doom.

"There's no need to be shy about it Lils, I saw this coming from a mile away." James said, slowly reaching his arm behind him as if to stretch and then moving it to the back of Lily's chair.

"I know you fancy me." He said, lowering his voice and leaning in.

The red in Lily's face just moments before was now replaced with a pale white. From the corner of her eye she watched him move his arm from the back of the chair to her shoulders.

It took all but a second for her to grab her wand, stand up and caste the chair out from under him. His smug expression was lost as he dropped to the floor loudly.

"What the-"

"Did you honestly think that wearing a _Quiddich _uniform would make me think you look any less like a toad?!" Lily screamed at him, her wand inches away from his face. "I will never, _NEVER_ let you touch me James Potter, no matter how many stupid Quaffles you catch!"

With one last menacing scowl, Lily yanked her scroll off the table and marched her way up the stairs, not noticing the large amount of eyes following her there. Every student in the common room turned their heads from Lily's retreating form over to James, who was still on the floor. The stunned silence that had filled the room after Lily's rant was broken with a roar of laughter coming from all around them. James stood up, huffing as he patted down his uniform and ignored the jeers. He looked over at Remus, who for the life of him still could not respond, the same bewildered look frozen onto his face from the moment James marched towards them.

"What are you looking at?" James asked angrily before turning on his heels and retreating into his own room.

The next day Remus heard of Severus Snape being mysteriously pushed down the stairs by a pack of flying books. Remus couldn't imagine why.

**XxxxX**

A small ache was digging into Remus' side as he began waking up. He fluttered his eyes open slowly and recognized the bright white lights of the infirmary. He quickly shut them again, not ready for the adjustment. He began contemplating the events of last night; the full moon, his transformation. He tried hard to remember what'd he done and where he'd hurt himself. The flashes of the Shrieking Shack while he was a werewolf were blurred and disoriented, coming to him in small short circuits of memory. He did remember waking up to Madame Pomfrey wrapping him up in a blanket and levitating him over. He'd been too weak and half conscious to walk. Usually he tried to at least dress himself before the poor woman came in to fetch him, but last night must've been too hard on him.

A weight shifted where the burning ache had been and Remus heard a smacking of lips near him. He cautiously pried one eye open to see.

"Sirius?" Remus started, his voice raspy from just having woke up.

Sirius' head turned to eye him, a smear of chocolate running from the corner of his mouth.

"About time you woke up." He said smiling, showing several chocolate covered teeth. He was seated, back against the headboard next to Remus' lying form. One leg dangled from the bed's edge as the other one was tucked underneath him. Sirius' jutting knee, Remus now saw, was the pain that had been bothering him. He also noticed that Sirius' hands were busying themselves with something Remus immediately recognized.

"Are you eating my chocolate?" Remus asked, shifting his body so that he was lying on his back.

"Technically it wasn't yours because I hadn't given it to you yet." Sirius corrected him with a smirk. His face tauntingly looked down at him. "You took too long waking up and I'm starved."

Remus eyed the clock on the stand beside his bed. It was a half hour into dinner time.

"You skipped dinner?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Nothing good on the table…" Sirius replied with a shrug of his shoulders. He quickly lifted his head up and away from Remus' pondering gaze.

Sirius had an appetite that was only surpassed by Peter. Between the two of them, they could easily shovel down everything on the Gryffindor table with ease. It was odd, to say the least that Sirius would skip a meal in order to see him at the infirmary. Remus knew that he probably should take it as some sort of extraordinary compliment but instead it bothered him.

Once the boys knew about Remus' condition, he had been forced to vaguely tell them why some weeks he'd been gone several days and others only one or two. He told them that some transformations were harder on his body than others and that he often attacked himself. After three worried faces stared back at him from the confession, Remus quickly added that Madame Pomfrey took great care of him and that there would be no need to visit him. In fact, he had begged them not to. Remus did not want them seeing him in his most vulnerable state, torn apart and physically weakened. Remus was _not_ weak and the thought of Sirius noticing his pale complexion and new scars now made his smile fade suddenly.

Out of a self-conscious panic, Remus began fidgeting in his bed, trying to sit up. A cut that ran down his left arm had him struggling with the pain and Sirius immediately stood up, turned around and began cupping his hands under Remus' armpits to try and help him.

"You should be resting, not moving about." Sirius scolded. Remus shoved his hands away in anger.

"I'm not two years old," He heard himself spat. "I can sit up by myself."

Sirius, noticing the harshness in his voice quickly let his hands drop and took a step back, eyeing him with caution. It was a rare occasion when Remus let his emotions get the better of him and he could tell that his outburst had Sirius flustered.

He took his time and it was painful, but Remus managed to sit up straight. With his face red with both exhaustion and anger, he turned to glance at Sirius. The other boy was standing away from the bed, still eyeing him intensely with one hand casually in his pocket.

"I'm not weak." Remus said, ending the short silence between them.

"I never said you were."

Remus' eyes darted up at the other boy and his anger simmered instantly when he saw the sincere look Sirius was giving him. Guilt scratched at Remus from inside. Sirius had only been trying to be a friend and instead of being gracious, he'd practically cussed at him. Frowning, he felt his body calm, feeling ashamed by his behavior.

"Sirius," Remus sighed, shifting his gaze towards his duvet. "Why did you come?"

There was a pause before Remus watched as Sirius reached into his rucksack on the floor and pulled out several scrolls of paper. He hesitated for a moment before stepping closer and gently placing the parchments on top of the bed.

"Thought you'd like something to do," he said, throwing a quick smile.

Remus glanced down at the scrolls in front of him, his hands delicately shifting them around in order to read. Scrawled in Sirius' hand writing were notes from Transfigurations, Charms, Potions, and every other class they shared together.

"Figured you didn't want to get behind again." Sirius added, when Remus hadn't responded. Remus blinked at the pages in front of him. If Sirius had taken notes, which he definitely did because Remus knew that messy penmanship anywhere, then Sirius must have actually stayed awake during his classes. It seemed entirely _un-Sirius_ like and yet here was the proof in front of him.

He turned his head up at the boy, who was staring back at him with a strange expression.

"You skipped dinner," Remus started, his pitch much to high. "And waited for me to wake up just to give me notes?"

"And chocolate," Sirius said with a widening grin. "But that didn't play out too well."

That scratching feeling of guilt suddenly grew much larger, sending ripples through Remus' entire body. Sirius was a loyal friend no doubt, but to miss dinner_ and_ pay attention in class seemed like asking a lot of the hyperactive boy. Out of surprise, shock, and that sickening feeling of guilt, Remus couldn't seem to find the two words he knew he needed to say back. Before he could get his jaw to move, Sirius' smile vanished and was replaced with a glum expression.

"You don't want me here." He stated solemnly.

Realizing that his silence had been misinterpreted, Remus quickly shook his head in earnest.

"No," He scrambled out. "No,no. It's fine that you're here."

"Honest." Remus replied again when Sirius still seemed skeptical.

As the other boy stared back at him in contemplation, Remus couldn't help but notice how candid Sirius was being. With the lazy smirk and smug expression erased from his face, Remus saw for the first time a hint of insecurity.

Sirius Black being anything but his confident, boyish self seemed laughable, but Remus now pondered on the idea that Sirius might have more layers to his personality then Remus ever gave him credit for. It was heart-warming and gave him a fleeting a sense of pride. Remus knew that whatever genuine side of Sirius he was observing now wasn't just for anyone to see. He was fairly certain that even his other two best mates hadn't been fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of this. Only him.

Remus smiled reassuringly up at his friend.

"Good," Sirius said, a smile starting to play on his own face. "Because I'm fairly certain that Pomfrey fancies me and would be livid with you if you sent me away." A gleam of perfect teeth were shown as all signs of any insecurity disappeared.

**XxxxX**

Sirius sighed in frustration as he turned another page of the giant text in front of him. He'd been caught up in the library for hours leafing through the book, trying to find out the details of what he had witnessed in Professor McGonagall's class that morning.

When he had first entered the library, Madame Pince gave him her usually skeptical look as she assisted him in finding the book he needed. Like most Professors, Madame Pince didn't trust Sirius' knack for causing chaos. A few months before, when Sirius had first started frequenting the library after classes without his friends, she would hound him with questions of why he needed to be here, assuming he was only there to torture her beloved books. Even after he would answer every question and head off to begin reading, she would often position herself somewhere in the library where she had a clear view of him. If Sirius happened to move his seat elsewhere, so would she. But her stern attitude eventually changed towards him as Sirius came more often and proved himself not out to cause any trouble. At least not in the library.

Remus Lupin, was once again why Sirius was burying himself in books. It was a side effect of being the friend of such an ambiguous person that brought out the researcher in Sirius. He wasn't entirely sure he enjoyed this side effect but he never complained. Sirius had so many questions about Remus' lycanthropy that he'd no choice but to hit the books in an effort to find answers. He was too nervous asking Remus out right. Many of his questions were personal and besides the fact that it would obviously make Remus extremely uncomfortable answering them, Sirius also knew that he'd probably only be given half the truth.

Remus had told them that some moons he would hurt himself, which Sirius later found out was a dire understatement. Not only did Remus fail to mention how severe the injuries could get but he also skipped the part that told how painful each transformation was. Sirius had to read about that on his own. The transformations stretched the skin, broke bones, and ripped muscles, all of which the 'diseased' person experienced over and over again every new moon. They never adapt to the feeling. Sirius had barely been able to cope with the thought of Remus being torn apart every month. The idea haunted him and yet also intrigued him to learn what else Remus had neglected to mention about his condition.

Every new detail learned only horrified Sirius more. He started to understand why Remus was so set on not explaining too much. Werewolves had been at the pit of numerous inhumane experiments through out wizarding history. Trying to find cures, using their genes for new spells or potions. The wear from a werewolf's transformations over time left them vulnerable to diseases in their human form and caused premature death. Most werewolfs did not live past fifty. The scars caused by a werewolf would not be able to heal completely unless they were minor tares. Though there have been leaps made in spells and salves that reduce some of the more severe ones to be barely noticeable, the worst ones would most likely be permanent.

The list went on. The issue that bothered Sirius the most was that there seemed to be nothing to prevent any of it happening to his best mate. Every book and article stated that there was no cure or help for these species, that their fate was set in stone. Sirius had a hard time accepting this as fact. Remus Lupin was one of the most generous people he'd ever met. Remus was kind and thoughtful, brilliant and talented. If anyone deserved a life full of happiness, it was him. Yet instead he'd been the victim of some awful crime, something that destined him to a life of misery.

It was more than curiosity and knowledge that drove Sirius to the library every day. It was also a determination that one day Sirius would be able to find something that could lighten the burden of what Remus had to endure every month.

Which was preciously what brought him to the Transfigurations section of the library tonight. Earlier that morning, and much to his astonishment he'd been sitting in Transfigurations casually poking fun at Snape, when a cat in the corner of the room that Sirius had neglected to notice suddenly transformed into an enraged McGonagall. Despite accruing two detentions from the incident, Sirius had been more than ecstatic afterwards. He'd read somewhere that werewolves had one prey and one prey only: humans. Animals were not included. If Sirius could find a way to become an Animagus like Professor McGonagall, then he would not only be able to join Remus when he turned and but also stop Remus from injuring himself.

The idea was dangerous and entirely premature. That, plus the fact that Sirius would have to do it illegally. But it was a start and gave Sirius some form of hope. His most immediate problem now was actually finding information on how to become one. The Advanced Transfiguration book in front of him was 2,000 pages long with no index and smelled of rotten eggs. Sirius was forced to carefully examine each page of the monstrous thing, so as not to miss any possible clues to his theory. He was just about to give up for the day, when he turned to page 987 and saw the beginning of a chapter entitled _Animagus Spells_.

He practically squirmed in his seat with excitement. Quickly, he leafed through the first few pages of the chapter and found illustrated photos as well as diagrams. Lost in a swell of enthusiasm, he didn't hear the soft footsteps approach from behind him.

"Who are you and what have you done to Sirius Black?" came a familiar voice.

Sirius immediately slammed the book shut and threw his left arm over the cover before turning his head around to see Remus hovering over him. The lanky boy gave him a curious look before smirking.

"Planning your next prank?" he asked.

"You and Evans don't have a monopoly on the library you know." Sirius replied, trying to subdue his skittish behavior. Remus laughed loudly before moving himself to the stand on the other side of the table.

"What are you doing here?"

"Studying." Sirius said shortly.

A wide smile spread across Remus' face before he laughed again.

"A likely story." Remus retorted, chuckling.

_Merlin, his laugh is contagious, _Sirius though idly.

He'd always prided himself in making Remus laugh. Not the soft smiles and fake chuckles the boy gave most people, but a real, open mouthed, head thrown back _laugh_. It had to be one of Sirius' greatest accomplishments, retrieving this particular laugh out of him. Remus really needed to laugh more often.

"Just ask Madame Pince," Sirius responded. "She's been watching me the entire time." He pointing to the women across the room who had been staring at him for the good part of an hour. Remus' eyes followed his finger and when Madame Pince realized the two had caught her prying she quick snapped her head down, pretending to catalog several titles on the shelf in front of her.

"It seems as if you would've given her some reason to mistrust you." Remus replied slyly, turning his head back to Sirius.

"Never."

"Well, I can see you're awfully secretive about whatever it is your 'studying'," Remus continued. "So I suppose I'll take my own studies elsewhere."

Without reason Sirius jumped up quickly just as Remus was about to walk away.

"You can stay." He said almost pleadingly. He'd no idea why he made the offer. He needed to get serious work done and Remus was much too clever to not notice what he was up to within minutes. He silently cursed himself for reacting so strangely.

"You hate it when I study." Remus replied skeptically.

"Only when it takes away from my needs."

Remus furrowed his brow in contemplation and then pulled out the chair across from Sirius. As he was about to sit down in it, he stopped and eyed the chair up and down.

"I feel as though there's a trick in here somewhere." He began. "Are you trying to prank me?"

"Nonsense. Sit down already." Sirius replied with a light smile.

As he did, Sirius re-opened his book and pulled it tight against his waist, leaning back in his chair so that Remus couldn't read the chapter title. He did however notice the book's cover.

"Advanced Transfigurations?" He asked suddenly.

"Special assignment for McGonagall as punishment for this morning." Sirius answer instantly. He never knew how lies seemed to come so readily out of his mouth. He imagined it must be because of the loads of practice at home.

"I thought she gave you detentions?" Remus pondered.

"Detentions _and_ a special assignment." Sirius added.

No one ever said his lies were very _good_.

"That's a strange punishment." Remus remarked, pulling out one of his own books to read.

"Strange woman." Sirius quipped.

Although Remus didn't seem to believe his lie and continued to eye him suspiciously for another moment, he eventually gave up the hunt for Sirius' real reason of being in the library and started reading his own text instead. Sirius sighed with relief and began looking over the chapter he'd just found.

A minute passed before he was distracted once again.

Focusing intently on his book, Remus absently allowed his leg to comfortably rest against Sirius' under the table. Sirius, for some strange reason, felt his entire body stiffen at the contact. His eyes moved to Remus' face to see if the other boy had a similar reaction, but Remus seemed obviously to it all, his eyes still dancing around the pages of his own book.

Sirius sat still, studying his friend quietly across the table. A strand of Remus' hair had fallen in front of his face and the boy moved his hand in order to tuck the piece behind his ear. The unruly hair refused to cooperate and ended up falling right back to where it had been before. Remus, too enthralled with whatever it was he was reading decided to ignore it and brought a hand to his lips instead, gently rubbing one of his fingers lazily back and forth across his bottom lip as he read. Sirius watched in a daze, his body still tense. His eyes followed the slow moving finger as it moved across his friend's mouth. He felt his muscles tighten even more as a peculiar warmth started crawling up the length of his leg.

"Honestly, what are you planning?"

Sirius blinked, removing his eyes quickly from Remus' lips and snapping his head up to look at him in the eyes. Realizing he'd been caught staring, Sirius felt a rare blush creep up his face.

He quickly shrugged his shoulders, unable to form words, and looked down at his book. He tried with difficultly to ignore the warmth now crawling around in his stomach as Remus continued to stare at him. Remus, realizing he wasn't getting an answer, finally shook his head in defeat and returned to reading his book.

It took a moment before Sirius found his body beginning to relax again, his muscles easing back into his chair. He shook his head slightly, ridding himself of the image of Remus' finger grazing his lip.

_You act as if you fancy the bloke or something,_ He thought to himself humorously.

The warm prickling feeling suddenly darted straight up his spine, pooling at the base of his neck. Sirius quickly reached his hand over to rub it away.

_Nonsense._

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	6. Fourth Year - Part One

**Fourth Year – Part One**

* * *

The two boys stared back at him with conflicting faces. One had their mouth open, full of half chewed food looking petrified by the idea Sirius had just mention, the other with a sparkling grin of approval.

"You realize that's highly illegal right?" Peter coughed out after gulping down the food in his mouth.

"Yes." Sirius responded quickly.

"So, we could get in huge trouble for this?" James asked curiously. "Like sent to prison trouble?"

"Yes." Sirius said again. His arms were folded across his chest to emphasize his seriousness. They were all seated in the great hall, munching on their breakfast when Sirius had finally had the courage to tell them what he'd been up to all summer. The Animagus Spell had been a glimmer of hope just a few months back, but Sirius had taken his three month break to finding out everything he could about it. The more he found the more he realized that there was a distinct possibility he could accomplish it. Now he wanted to know if the other two were willing to take the same risks.

"I don't know Sirius." Peter mumbled, looking between both him and James. "This sounds like an awful idea. It might not even work."

"I know." He replied simply, which did nothing to change Peter's attitude.

"Well," James started, casting his head up to the ceiling as if in deep thought. "I think you might be on to something, but who knows if we can do it?"

"We can do it." Sirius said confidently. "It might take a while, but I'm sure we can do it."

James cast a glance at Peter who still looked worried.

"I still don't know." Peter said again. "This sounds dangerous."

Sirius threw his arms up in the air with annoyance.

"For Merlins sake you sound like Remus." He shot back. For some reason he didn't think it would be this hard to convince the two of them. The whole thing was for Remus after all. What kind of friends were they anyway?

"Well someones got to be the voice of reason here!" Peter shouted back.

"Keep your voice down." James interjected, looking around the table to make sure nobody was overhearing their conversation.

"Does Remus know what you're up too?" Peter asked.

"No. And he's not going to find out."

"Why not?" James asked "He's the best of us all, he could help."

"James, the moment Remus finds out what were trying to do he'll murder us in our sleep." Sirius responded sternly. "He can't know until we're there with him and he can't turn us away."

"Yea, and then he can eat us all up when it fails miserably." Peter added condescendingly. Sirius was about to shoot back a rude comment when James gave him a kick under the table. He nodded to the front of the hall and Sirius turned to see Remus striding down to join them.

"Not one peep Peter." Sirius whispered harshly at the boy as he turned back around.

"Why does everyone always look at me?" Peter whined.

A moment later and Remus had reached them.

"Hullo." he greeted them cheerily. He quickly sat down next to Sirius. "Why did you all run off without me? I don't take _that_ long in the loo."

"Yes you do mate." James chided. Remus gave him a reproachful look as he reached to grab the pumpkin juice off the table. As he poured some into his glass, Sirius saw him lift an eyebrow when he noticed Peter's anxious look. Remus turned to both him and James for an explanation but Sirius quickly averted his eyes as James took a giant gulp of juice.

"Er.." Remus started, "Is there something I should know about?"

"No." All three answered him at once. Sirius practically slapped his forehead in disbelief at how obvious they were being. If they blew this then Remus would never allow Sirius near him again.

"Right." Remus smiled. Sirius could tell he was already convinced that there was, indeed, something going on. "So why does Peter look like you just petrified him?" He said as he searched their faces for an answer.

There was an overwhelming silence as the three boys darted eyes at each other, struggling to find a good excuse.

"Peter asked out Moaning Myrtle." Sirius blurted out.

"What?!" Peter cried in disbelief.

"Yup," James added, catching on much too quickly. He clapped Peter on the shoulder with his hand. "The boy couldn't help himself. Said he found her irresistible, isn't that right Pete?"

Sirius suppressed a grin as Peter looked incredulously between both him and James. The chubby boy obviously felt betrayed at having been picked out as the person who'd suffer in order to throw Remus off their scent.

Not that Remus would ever believe this nonsense anyway, Sirius thought.

"Sure." Peter droned out after a moment, giving into the lie.

"Shot him down right in the ladies loo, poor bugger." Sirius said with a pouting expression. "We've been trying to cheer him up ever since."

"And I thought James' crush was bad." Remus joked.

"What are you on about?" James replied defensively, the laughter in his voice just a second before now disappearing.

Despite questions asked about James' odd behavior with Lily Evans, he continued to deny his affections. James countered their accusations of his failed attempts at flirting with her by saying that it was actually Lily who was the one who fancied him. This remark often left the other three in a state of uncontrollable giggles where James would finally get mad enough to stalk off somewhere to brood. The sensitive topic did not stop the rest of them from endlessly teasing him though. In fact, Sirius woke up everyday thinking of new ways to torture James in this manner.

As Peter and Sirius began their usually taunts and Remus started to laugh along, a hard shove against Remus' back interrupted them all. The spoon Remus was holding flew out of his hand from the contact, landing on the table with a twang.

"Half-breed." a cold voice rasped before gliding away.

The reaction was immediate. Sirius turned around in an instant trying to find the perpetrator. Within seconds he eyed the greasy haired Slytherin, who had just passed by their table on the way to his own. His walk was brisk and rushed, easily pointing him out as their culprit. Already fidgeting for his wand, Sirius stood up in a haste, readying himself to chase him. In his rage he didn't notice Remus reach for his arm in order to stop him.

"What did you just say!?" Sirius hollered down the aisle towards Snape.

Several students at surrounding tables glanced up to see what the ruckus was, but the Slytherin Sirius was talking to continued to quicken his steps and ignore him. Sirius quickly pointed his wand.

"Locomotor Mortis!" He shouted. Snape's legs were immediately clasped together, forcing him to fall forward onto his face. He struggled to turn over as Sirius ran up to him, his wand extended. Within seconds a large portion of students began removing themselves from their seats and following to watch. Sirius thought he heard Remus shout something at him but couldn't make out what it was through the chatter of the crowd that'd just formed. Sirius stepped up to Snape's side, hovering over him.

"I said, What did you say?" Sirius spat out again, daring the boy on the ground to utter the words again. His wand was inches from the other boy's face.

"I didn't say anything to _you_ blood traitor." Snape sneered back at him. Sirius grunted in rage, readying his wand for another attack.

"Luc-"

"Expelliarmus!" someone shouted from inside the crowd. Sirius' wand shot straight out of his hand as Lily Evans came running in from the mass of people. "Flipendo!" She shouted again, aiming her wand towards Sirius and running up to kneel by Snape's side.

Sirius felt himself fly backwards into several people. As quickly as he could, he moved to stand up and looked for his wand while Lily was busy attending to Severus. He eyed it a few inches away, lying on the ground where several people were standing. As he launched to grab it, he saw Remus' hand swiftly pick it up away from him. He scrambled to his feet and looked at Remus with an angering expression.

"What are you doing?"

"Stop it," Remus replied strictly "Someone's going to get hurt."

"_That's the idea_." Sirius grunted back. He reached to grab his wand from the other boy but Remus was too quick and lurched his hand upwards. Before Sirius could try again, Evans came out of nowhere and shoved into him, knocking him down onto the floor once again.

"How dare you!" She hollered at him. Laughs and claps could be heard all around, but neither Sirius nor Lily paid them any mind. "You have no right being such a bully!"

Sirius stood up with a vibrant red coursing through his face.

"Oh _I'm_ the bully am I?" He shouted back at her. "Why don't you ask your beloved Slytherin what he just called Remus!"

For a split second Lily's face faltered. She turned to look at Remus, who offered no answer to Sirius' statement and only stared back at her with doe eyes. Then she turned around completely to get an explanation out of Snape, but the greasy haired boy was gone. He'd disappeared after she healed him.

Not willing to give up so easily she turned back to face Sirius head on.

"I don't need to know," she tried, her voice slightly less strong. "He's not like you."

"You're right," Sirius spat back. "He's worse."

Sirius turned sharply away before letting Evans have a chance to respond and grabbed onto Remus' arm, guiding him out of the crowd.

"Sirius Black!" a voice boomed, sending a slew of people scattering to get out of it's way. Professor McGonagall came looming through the crowd, anger clearly written all over her face. Sirius paid no mind and continued to walk away from her and towards the doors.

"_Mr. Black!"_ Professor McGonagall said again, trying to get through the few people who were still blocking her. "If you do not stop I shall be forced to extend the harshest punishment!"

"Fine!" Sirius cried over his shoulder, dragging an unwilling Remus out of the Great Hall's doors with him. Half expecting Professor McGonagall to curse them both back into the hall, Sirius was surprised to find themselves able to reach the door unscathed. It only meant that either too many people were still in Professor McGonagall's way to caste anything or that by pure shock at his disrespect she'd been physically stunned. Sirius didn't stop to contemplate too much on whether it was one or the other. Once in the hallway and away from any noise, Sirius spun on his heels to face Remus.

"Give me back my wand." He demanded.

"Not until you calm down."

Sirius grunted in frustration and took a step away from him, still fuming.

"Did you tell him?" He asked, practically shaking in anger.

"Of course I didn't."

"Then why would he call you that?!" Sirius ranted as he continued to pace in front of him.

Remus stood perfectly still, unfazed by his outrage. A calm expression lingered in his eyes as he continued to listen to Sirius' harsh interrogation. It angered Sirius even more just looking at him. How could he be so damn placatory over everything that just happened?

"I don't know Sirius," He replied. "But acting like that didn't help anything."

Sirius stopped abruptly in his spot, looking up to give Remus a disbelieving look.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever he might've suspected has probably just catapulted because of your overreaction."

"Overreaction?" Sirius asked slightly stunned by the remark. He could admit that he'd lost his temper and perhaps took things too far when he brushed off Prof. McGonganall, but an overreaction? Considering what Snape had said, Sirius saw his response as fair justice. Remus should be grateful for his protection, not scolding him about it.

"So it's my fault now is it?" he replied coldly.

"No, that's not what I'm saying." Remus tried.

"Sure it is." Sirius shrugged, taking a step closer.

Remus sighed in frustration, throwing a hand into his hair. "Sirius-"

"No." Sirius interrupted him. "It's fine." He took another step closer. "Just remember one thing," he continued "Whenever you have that urge to tell Evans about what you are…and you will because I _know_ you Remus…remember who she's _best mates_ with. And it isn't you."

Satisfied with his speech and still revving in anger, Sirius turned around and began marching up the stairs to his dorm, leaving behind a disheartened Remus.

**XxxxX**

Remus sat staring glumly at his paper for Charms. Across from him sat an even more melancholy Lily. Despite meeting up to study together, they'd barely utter more then a few words all night. Each seemed lost in their own thoughts, not paying any attention to the other. They merely sat next to each other, giving the illusion that they weren't as lonely as they both felt.

The last two months had been the worst Remus had ever experienced at Hogwarts. Sirius had been barely seen since Professor McGonagall was making good on her word of giving him the harshest treatment. She took over fifty points away from the house as well as banning Sirius from any Quiddich games for the rest of the year. At night, he was assigned to helping the House Elves clean up after dinner and prepare for tomorrows breakfast as well as serving detentions on every Saturday until Christmas passed. It was by far one of the most extensive punishments Remus had ever heard a student to have here. He could've guessed that Professor McGonagall held a bit of a soft spot for the four of them, but now that Sirius crossed her so brashly and in front of the entire school it was difficult to see if that spot still existed.

Sirius' charm did nothing to coax her out of this one, not that it usually did, but he was doing his best to make it up to her. He was putting any assignments in Transfigurations as priority as well as actively participating in her class on a regular basis. Remus concluded that eventually her hard exterior would fall and she would forgive the boy once again. But it would probably take all year. Out of all the Professors Sirius could have been insubordinate too, McGonagall had to be the worst pick.

Whenever Remus did have a chance to talk to Sirius, he was still cold from their last argument. Remus thought Lily had always been the best at holding onto a grudge, but Sirius was proving himself a worthy match. The distance between them had Remus feeling extremely isolated, sadly realizing how much time he usually spent with the other boy.

On top of it all, James, Peter, and even Lily all seemed temporarily unavailable. James and Peter, it turned out, were the ones blocking McGonagall's way in the Great Hall. James had pushed Peter in front of her so that he fell at her feet, then began claiming loudly that she had to help him because Peter had been jinxed with jelly legs in the middle of the fight. It hadn't taken long for McGonagall to figure out that they were merely helping their friend escape and she assigned both of them several weeks of detention for it. When James wasn't serving his dues, he was out on the pitch practicing Quiddich and Peter mostly only came around Remus to get help with homework.

Lily on the other hand was beside herself. Once she'd found out what Severus had said, Remus figured that they must have had an enormous fight over it because she hadn't mentioned his name in over a month. Everytime Remus tried to talk to her, she seemed whimsical about everything, as if she was only half listening.

He sighed loudly, lost in his thoughts. Lily, whose head was resting on her folded arm, propped her head up to view him.

"Why would he call you that?" She asked, almost to herself.

This question had been unpredictably asked out loud by Lily several times throughout the month. To Remus it was only another sign that her mind was focused on only one thing, no matter where they were.

"It doesn't make any sense." she said, staring down at her book.

"Just to be cruel I suppose." Remus lied for what had to be the thousandth time. He often wondered what Severus knew about him, whether he'd just taken a guess or actually figured something out. He knew he should've been more worried about it then he was, but with all that was going on it was the last thing on his mind.

"He's changed." Lily said sadly. Her gaze shifting from her open book over to another table several rows down from them. There, seated with a group of Slytherins sat Severus, who had been stealing glances at Lily all evening.

Remus had caught Snape repeatedly staring at Lily through the past few weeks. It was apparent that the boy wanted to apologize for his actions, at least to her, but he never seemed to ball up the courage. Instead the greasy haired boy was settling for awkward and stalker like glances that even surpassed James'.

Remus glanced down at his paper. He sighed at the five sentences he'd written since he'd gotten there an hour ago. When he looked up again he found that not only was Lily staring at Severus, but now Severus was staring back at Lily from across the room.

_Merlin, this is getting ridiculous. _

They both looked so miserable. It amazed Remus how he was both sickened by it and yet felt some form of sympathy for them at the same time. He knew Lily wasn't just upset about their fight. The Yule Ball, something the professors had planned together for the fourth years and up, was in a month and a half and most of the girls had already been asked. Remus knew Lily had shot down multiple boys in their grade (James embarrassingly being one of them) waiting for Severus to ask her.

He knew she was waiting in vain.

Severus would never have the courage to ask out a muggle born to the dance, especially not while his Slytherin friends continued to bait him into their purist ideologies.

Remus sighed again, knowing what he should do but already regretting his decision to do it.

"Hey Lily," Remus said softly. Lily tore herself from Severus' eyes and looked up at him.

"Hm?"

"I was wondering…" Remus began, already feeling very stupid for thinking this was a good idea. "Would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

"As friends." he quickly added.

Lily stared at him as she slowly laid her chin back on the tabletop. Just by the way she was looking at him, he knew that she understood what he was trying to do. She gave him a small smile for his kindness.

"Sure." She finally said, not very enthused. She picked her head up off the table again and began flipping through the pages of her book.

Remus felt mildly elated to have perked Lily up in some way, yet at the same time continued to wonder whether James would simply use the Dansaugeo spell on him or go for something much worse like the Furnunculus curse.

**XxxxX**

Sirius leaned against the wall while crossing his arms in anger. He allowed one foot to ride up along the stone, making his knee jut out in front of him. His eyes narrowed on the couple dancing across the room. A sick and menacing feeling was licking at his insides as he watched one of his best friends laugh loudly from a whispered comment the red-haired girl he was with told him.

It wasn't just any laugh either; it was _the_ laugh.

The laugh Sirius was solely known for creating in Remus.

Anger erupted within him.

It was because of the betrayal behind it all, he told himself. That's what had his stomach ill at the sight of them together. The same sense of betrayal he'd gotten when Remus refused to tell him about his lycanthropy.

And yet there was something more about this scene that irked him then just his resentment towards Evans. Whatever was mixed into the mess of emotions he was now feeling wasn't making itself apparent and that annoyed Sirius even more. He grimaced, as if in pain, trying to put his finger on it. Before he could completely concentrate, a loud sigh next to him threw him out of his trance.

James, it was no surprise, was staring solemnly at the same couple. His eyes were dazed with a dreary look of sadness in them as he watch Remus and Evans twirl around each other. Normally Sirius would've taken this moment to poke fun and torture his best mate with endless remarks on James' obvious admiration for the girl, but he was in no mood. Without uttering a word, Sirius slowly turned back to eye Remus again.

James and him had been standing there almost the entire Ball, in the same dark corner of the Hall, watching everyone else dance, chat, and eat. Their dates had left them hours ago once they realized that both boys were too preoccupied eyeing another couple up and were unwilling to dance. It wasn't really a loss to Sirius. He only asked Gilly out because he felt he had too. Everyone else had a date, so he figured he'd just ask the first girl that came down stairs one morning and lo and behold it'd been Gilly Walters. She'd seemed as good a choice as any at the time.

Rushed steps echoed before they stopped by where Sirius and James were standing.

Peter stood, smiling like an idiot while munching on what had to be his third slice of cake. Sirius didn't bother turning to look at him, he knew it was him by the way he was smacking his lips together in delight.

Peter hadn't been able to find a date. Actually, he didn't even try to. The boy had claimed that there was zero chance that any of the Gryffindor females would say yes to his proposal. Sirius silently agreed but had kept his mouth shut when the pudgy boy had complained about it at dinner one evening.

But if Peter's mood was any indication that he minded this small detail, then it was clear that he could care less. He'd been practically skipping through the halls all morning to classes because of his excitement over the whole thing.

"Where's Remus?" his small voice asked between swallows.

James grunted as Sirius pierced his lips tightly.

"Fraternizing with the enemy." Sirius grumbled under his breath bitterly. Peter let out a light laugh and Sirius turned in anger.

It didn't sound very funny to him.

"I'm going to assume that you mean he's dancing with Lily Evans." Peter said smiling.

Noticing Sirius' stern expression, his smile quickly vanished and he moved a step back as if afraid. He glanced at James, who wasn't paying attention to what was going on and still ogling Evans.

"What's with you two?" Peter asked, looking between the two of them.

"Who said anything was wrong?" James jolted in. "Nothing's wrong."

As if his jittering response wasn't enough to indicate that, yes, something was wrong, James also let out a small pathetic whine afterwards, glancing back at Evans on the dance floor. Although most things went over Peter's head in naïve innocence, he wasn't as daft as not being able to pick up on James' problem. Once he realized what James had been staring at all night he quickly rolled his eyes and took another bite of his cake.

"James you really need to just get over Lily already." Peter said confidently between chews. "She hates you."

"I do not fancy Lily Evans." James huffed back. He stood up as straight as he could in order to gain some dignity. "_She_ fancies _me_."

Peter giggled while wiping away the frosting that had gotten stuck to his lip.

"Is that why she slapped you when you asked her to the ball?" He asked, readying his stance for a shove or hit he knew was coming.

"That never happened!" James snapped back angrily. He took a step closer towards Sirius, positioning himself slightly in front of him.

"I think half the common room would disagree with you." Peter replied quickly.

Knowing James was seconds from pulling his wand on him, Peter ducked behind Sirius in order to use him as a barrier. Instead of wasting time verbalizing an incantation, James opted for physical means. He tried to take a swipe at Peter over Sirius' shoulder, but the latter quickly blocked his blow.

"Quit teasing him Peter." Sirius grumbled as he nudged James' hand away. He had bigger issues to think about right then than someone's love life.

Peter gave James an apologetic look over Sirius' shoulder, silently asking for forgiveness. James huffed out a loud breath of air in response and turned to face the dance floor once again. He straightened out his jacket in a fluster, trying to ignore Peter's comments. Feeling as though he was safe, Peter jumped back out.

"And what's with you being all gloomy?" Peter asked, facing Sirius now. "Don't tell me you're in love with Lily Evans too."

Sirius could have smack him for that comment if he hadn't been so disgusted with the idea first. He suddenly wished he'd moved to the side a moment ago to allow James to do whatever he wanted to the boy.

Seeing his souring expression, Peter guiltily put his hands up in surrender.

"Alright, alright." he muttered. "You two are absolutely no fun this evening you know that?"

"Well if this party wasn't so boring..." James started, but Sirius' attention turned to hear another one of Remus' laughs ripple through the room. He clenched his fists, eyeing Lily adjust Remus' collar inbetween a song. Merlin knows what Remus could be finding so amusing about Lily smoothing out his dress shirt, but Sirius was getting more agitated by the minute. He wasn't sure he could stand it much longer.

"It is rather disappointing isn't it?" Peter's voice seemed to say but for some reason it now sounded very far away.

_Another laugh._

Sirius knew his knuckles must be turning white under all the pressure he was pulsing into them.

"No fun at all." James echoed from somewhere behind him.

Sirius watched as Remus leaned into Evans in order to talk over the music. The act had his face suspiciously close to hers while he said something into her ear. Sirius saw her smile at whatever it was and no longer able to take it, turned around to face his other two friends instead.

"Then why don't we do something about it!" Sirius shouted at them.

Had the music not been so noisy, the other boys might have realized that Sirius had shouted out of anger and not so that they could hear him. An exchange of glances was all it took to convince the two that that was exactly what they should do.

"What do you have in mind?" James smiled mischievously.

About an hour later and the entire Hall smelled of Sirius and James' entire collection of dungbombs. Students were fleeing the site, gowns flowing behind them, but they didn't move so fast as to not stop and give the three boys now being hollered at by Prof. McGonagall an evil stare. Apparently, only the three of them had found the stunt amusing. The rest of Hogwarts' population seemed furious and felt as though they'd ruined a perfectly good evening. Sirius could've cared less, smiling to himself as he noticed Remus across the room, a hand over his nose, with no Evans in sight.

"Find this amusing Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall asked, a vein practically popping out of her forehead.

Sirius quickly washed the smile off his face and forced himself to look at her dead on. If he'd learned anything this year so far, it was not to mess with Minnie. Finding his reaction appropriate enough, she turned on the other two.

"Detentions." She said. "Every Monday and Wednesday for the next month."

Sirius almost caught himself smiling again. She'd given them detentions on the two days there was no Quiddich practice.

Being the friend of James Potter had its perks.

She looked as if she was about to say something else but decided against it. Satisfied with her punishment, her eyes gave each of them a hard stare before turning on her heels and gliding over to help the rest of the Professors destroy the stench that had encircled the room.

Peter let out a large sigh.

"And your detentions had just ended for the last stunt." He said to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. For some reason he didn't feel all that upset over it. The entire thing seemed worth it to him.

As they were heading out the door and had just reached the staircase, a loud click of heels echoed behind them. At first Sirius thought perhaps Professor McGonagall had changed her mind and wanted them to serve a harsher punishment, but when he turned around he saw Evans marching her way up to them with Remus in tow. Sirius couldn't help but smile at seeing the frustration written all over her face. He wasn't quite sure why it was so satisfying to have made Evans mad with rage.

Probably because she deserved it, he thought.

"You three are the most selfish people I've ever known!" She cried, finally stomping up to meet them. Her voice made James and Peter turn around as well, curious to see who was reprimanding them now.

Lily's hair, which had been neatly pinned back into an elegant bun all evening, was now falling out in several places. Her normally pale skin was pink with both the exhaustion of dancing and her rising anger.

"Well thank you Evans." Sirius replied smugly. "A compliment from you means loads."

She threw daggers at him before turning her eyes on James, obviously assuming he was the lead schemer.

"Is this because I wouldn't go with you?!" She asked accusingly. James, whose face had been grinning right along with Sirius', now suddenly fell.

"Wha- I." James fumbled.

"Well you know what the solution is then don't you?" She cried loudly at him, allowing her finger to roughly shove into his shoulder. James stood, mouth agape with no ready response. "GET OVER IT!"

Then she quickly turned on her heels to face an uncomfortable looking Remus, who seemed about ready to run up the stairs at any moment to avoid getting involved in their argument. But Lily, with a look of determination on her face, didn't allow him. She grasped tightly around the collar of his suit jacket and pulled his face to hers, making sure James had a perfect view of her lips now snogging his best friends.

The coldest chill Sirius had ever felt ran down his back as he froze with shock, staring at them. He heard James make a heartretching noise next to him and despite knowing that Sirius should make sure his love sick friend wasn't going to faint from the sight of it, Sirius couldn't help but focus instead on the sickening feelings going on in his own body. Remus seemed to have stiffen from the contact, but he wasn't pulling away and this made Sirius' stomach lurch, feeling as though it's entire contents might pour out of him any minute.

Before they could Lily had pulled herself away again, revealing a flustered and confused Remus, who now had a smudge of red lipstick smeared across his lips. Sirius might've laughed at the sight of him if he wasn't so agonized by what just happened. Lily smiled sweetly up at him, not even glancing over at the other three shocked faces that'd been watching them.

"Thank you for a _wonderful _evening Remus." She said as sweet as a pumpkin pasty. With a jump in her step she turned towards the stairs, smiling widely with satisfaction. As she moved to climb them, she shoved against James' shoulder to move past him, not giving a care in the world that his body was stiff as a board and had a pained expression frozen onto his face.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please review :-)**


	7. Fourth Year - Part Two

**Fourth Year – Part two**

* * *

Remus laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling while the rest of his roommates snoozed peacefully around him. By the time he'd gotten over the shock of Lily's boldness and made it to his room, James had already thrown his curtains shut, pretending to be asleep while Sirius and Peter gave Remus odd glances as he solemnly readied for bed. None of them had spoken a word to him before turning off the lights and Remus silently prayed that perhaps they would never discuss it. If there was any luck in his life he begged that they would all wake up in the morning, chipper as usually and forget all about Lily snogging him.

Then again, Remus never did have any luck.

He was sure that the morning would instead bring strained silences, jealous statements, and lots of claims of betrayal. Remus contemplated how long James would refuse to acknowledge him, or perhaps if he would ever talk to him again. And if Sirius didn't do the same exact thing, then he'd at least be ready to breath flames of fire at Remus at any given moment for months to come.

He sighed to himself quietly, turning over in his bed so that he faced the curtains instead. It seemed unfair to him that he should be blamed for something Lily had done. In fact, he was rather angry with her when he thought of it, or as angry as he could ever bring himself to be. He considered it a personal flaw that he couldn't stay mad at any of his friends for very long, especially since they all seemed to have mastered the ability themselves. He knew she deserved at least a days worth of cold glances and short, angered conversations from him. She'd stolen his first kiss for Merlin sake and despite being a boy and not socially allowed to think up romantic thoughts in any sense; Remus had hoped that his first kiss would have _at least_ been a little meaningful. He certainly didn't appreciate it being used as a means of retaliation and he definitely had hoped it would've been with someone he actually fancied.

Despite him knowing that she should be chastised for having stolen such an important moment from him, he knew just by lying there that he'd already forgiven her. Her act came from her frustration with James and although Remus was rather unhappy that her pay back had been at his expense, he understood her reasons.

That didn't mean, of course, that his own friends would forgive him as easily.

Unfortunately, Lily was also going to be responsible for the backlash he'd receive from his dorm mates. As if he hadn't had enough trouble trying to prove himself Lily's friend, and _only_ Lily's friend to begin with, now they'd never believe him.

He couldn't help but let out a light groan of frustration.

Just as he finished dragging out his personal wallow, he heard a small shuffle from the other side of the room. He froze, perking his ears up in order to hear better. A moment of silence passed before he heard a light tap of footsteps making their way up to his bed.

Remus knew it had to be Sirius.

Not only did his stride have an unintentional and unique beat to them, these particular steps had come straight from the corner of the room where his bed was positioned. As Remus silently contemplated why Sirius might be awake at this hour, the pattern of his feet suddenly stopped outside of his curtains. Remus breathed in sharply, nervous for what he finally realized Sirius must want; to scold him. Even though he'd hoped the angry lecture Sirius was sure to give him would've at least held off until morning, he figured that if Sirius was ready to get it off his chest now maybe it'd be for the better.

"Remus?" came a quiet whisper.

He didn't respond.

Even though the confrontation would probably get everyone one step closer to mending their relationships, he still wasn't exactly keen on getting yelled at. Yet even without a response, Remus saw Sirius' hand slowly lift up one of the curtains to see if he was really asleep. The movement allowed the moonlight that had been shining through their dormroom windows to slit a beam of light along the middle of Remus' duvet. Sirius stood silently in front of him, slightly hunched as Remus laid perfectly still. He must have seen Remus' open eyes glimmering back at him because after a quick and silent assessment, Sirius proceeded to lift the curtain higher and make his way onto the bed. Remus could barely make out his thin form as the other boy sat himself on the four-poster, letting the curtain fall behind him and once again masking out the light. He felt the weight of the bed shift as Sirius proceeded to position himself and Remus was forced to sit up in order to adjust to the new slant in the mattress. After both of their small shuffles stopped, satisfied with their new positions, a piercing silence seemed to echo between the two of them in the covered quarters.

"Still awake?" Remus finally said, breaking the silence after clearing his throat.

His words were only met with more silence and Remus felt very awkward staring into the darkness. He turned his torso in order to slip out the wand that had been tucked behind his pillow.

"Lumos" He whispered at it.

Immediately a light was cast that filled up the small area.

Sirius' head was hung low in front of him. His eyes were cast down, staring intently at his hands as another moment of silence passed. Remus thought that maybe he should try and instigate the conversation himself, but just as soon as he was about to, Sirius' head began slowly lifting up to face him.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night." He said softly.

Remus blanched.

That had not been what he was expecting.

He had seen the boy in front of him pull pranks, tell jokes, and rudely jest numerous times through out their four-year friendship. Sometimes these acts were vicious or cruelly committed and although there had been times where Remus knew Sirius felt regretful for some of these, he'd never seen him apologize for any of it. So now Remus couldn't help but wonder why Sirius felt the need to apologize to _him_ of all people and for this particular incident. Surely he'd done worse things then set off a bunch of dung bombs.

"S'okay" Remus heard himself say back. If he hadn't whispered it so quietly Sirius might have picked up on the surprise in his voice.

A small smile formed on the corners of Sirius' mouth as he tore his eyes away from Remus' and once again looked down at his hands.

"You always forgive me." He said half amused, letting his hands pick at the threads on the duvet, but his voice was coated with sadness, as if Remus forgiving him was too much of a mercy for what he'd done.

Remus frowned in thought and shrugged back a response, thinking that what Sirius said was probably true, but that it hadn't really crossed his mind before. He was often so happy to have companions like Sirius and James that he brushed off much of their bad behavior and easily forgave. But to be completely fair, he'd also just forgiven Lily.

"You kissed her." Sirius said suddenly, still staring down.

Remus' mouth dropped open.

Surprised by Sirius' apology he had almost forgotten about what happened. Almost.

"I think you mean, she kissed me."

"Same difference." Sirius responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Not even remotely similar." Remus quipped back lightly.

The confidence and tease Remus had in his voice disappeared as soon as Sirius turned up to look at him again. His face fell at the sight of his friend's dismal expression.

It was a look not often seen on Sirius.

Remus had caught glimpses of it before, whenever a letter from Sirius' parents came, or when his cousin Narissa would eye him in the hallway and then walk abruptly the other way. The expression was usually fleeting, quickly and consciously replaced with a teasing smile and laugh, but Remus understood the hurt that came with it and that it most likely lingered inside Sirius for the rest of the day afterwards, perhaps even longer. He suddenly remembered the look on a young boy's face when he stood up to his mother and got slapped across the face for it. It was unnerving how similar that expression was to the one looking back at him now, except this time it hadn't been Sirius' mother that had cause the pain. Somehow, in a way Remus couldn't understand, _he_ had. A stir of guilt clutched at him, followed by a flash of anger as he reflected on the fact that it was actually Lily's doing and not his own that had caused this unexpected hurt. He quickly concluded that he'd forgiven her too quickly.

"It wasn't…" Remus started to say, but he found the sadness and vivid grey in Sirius' eyes very distracting. He wondered if he'd ever seen his eyes look that way before. A heat began rising through Remus' spine as it dawned on him that, for whatever the reason, it was now very important for Sirius to understand that the kiss hadn't meant anything.

"I didn't like it." He blurted. And it was true. He hadn't. He hadn't liked that it was Lily who kissed him, or that it had been used as a means to hurt James, and now he especially hated the fact that it had sprung such a disturbance in Sirius.

"Sure." Sirius replied lightly. Remus couldn't help but frown at the short response.

"Sirius, I don't think of Lily that way at all," He tried. "We're just friends."

"I understand." He replied again, letting Remus know that he didn't understand at all.

"Why would I lie?" Remus asked, trying desperately to prove his point.

Sirius shot up an eyebrow at him and Remus grimaced with understanding.

He always lied.

He lied to all three of them about what he was, he lied to James and Peter about Sirius' family, to Prof McGonagall about James' whereabouts, and even to an extent he lied when he tried so hard to mask his feelings about...well, _everything_.

"Why would I lie about _this?_" Remus corrected himself, feeling very foolish. Sirius just looked away from him again, unchanged in his opinion.

"_I promise_." Remus tried again. He almost reached out his hand to emphasize his point but decided against it.

His voice was already so desperate and stiff. He couldn't help but realize how strange this entire conversation was. He'd no idea why it was so imperative at this particular moment to explain why Lily kissing him had nothing to do with him fancying her, as if the other thousands of times he'd been accused of such things hadn't been worth the time, but now it was suddenly the most important thing in the world. He also didn't understand why Sirius was so upset by it, or why the entire exchange was upsetting _him_ enough that he was stumbling over finding the right words.

"Do you think James will ever forgive you?" Sirius suddenly asked, faking a smile.

Remus wanted to physically shake him for trying to change the subject. Who cared about James' stupid ego when a_ real_ matter was at hand? He thought about forcing the boy in front of him to continue the more important discussion they were having, but eventually decided to let it be. If he hadn't proven his friendship with Lily in over four years, he wasn't going to be able to convince Sirius within one night. He sighed, reluctantly taking Sirius' change of conversation.

"I doubt it." Remus uneasily joked.

Sirius smiled back, trying hard and failing to cover up the hurt he was feeling. Staring at him, Remus wondered when Sirius had started to resent Lily so much. Only two years ago, when the rumors had begun, Sirius delighted in teasing Remus right along with Peter about the possibility of Lily and him being an item. They would torment him for hours with crude comments and gestures, yet now the idea of it seemed to throw Sirius into brooding moods, his laughter of the situation disappearing entirely. It had begun almost the exact same time James had started admiring Lily instead of competing with her. Perhaps Sirius thought that the red head was stealing all of his friends away from him.

"Better get some sleep." Sirius said, reaching his arms for the curtain as he stood up.

Remus didn't want him to go. He didn't want him to return to his bed still upset and pondering on wrongful thoughts of Remus and Lily being together. But despite his wants, all he did nod his head in agreement and mumble back a quiet goodnight. He watched regretfully as the other boy turned to leave, letting the curtain fall closed once again and leaving Remus in the darkness alone. It was a few minutes later when he heard Sirius settle comfortably into his own bed, all noises stopped and the night silent once more.

Remus didn't sleep very much at all that night and he doubted Sirius had either.

**XxxxX**

It was painful and exhausting trying to ignore Lily Evans. For one, she was probably the most persistent person Remus had ever met in his life. Once her mind was set on something, she would do just about anything to accomplish it. The second issue was that she would always and forever have an enormous amount of pride. So if her pure determination wasn't enough to coax her on to striving for what she wanted, her pride would.

Within the past week, her mind was set on getting Remus to forgive her and he couldn't help but admit that it was hard arguing with those green pleading eyes. It had to have been Lily's eyes that had gotten James to fall for her in the first place.

They were extremely convincing.

But every time Lily tried to sit next to him or begin talking to him, Remus forced himself to stand up and walk away without a word. The only way he could do it was by remembering the look in Sirius' eyes that night and realizing all the strife she'd caused for a selfish rebuttal.

In all honestly, Remus was growing weak in finding reasons to stay angry with her. He missed his friend, which was why when she sat down next to him for the fifth time that morning in the common room he finally decided to remain seated.

He didn't turn to look at her but he could sense her excitement as she realized he was actually going to stay put. From the corner of his eye he watched her fidget with her hands, trying to find the appropriate words to start with.

"I don't think it's fair that you forgive Sirius and James for every little thing but the first time I do something selfish you can't seem to see past it." She finally said.

That was not what he wanted to hear.

He was really hoping for a simply apology.

He dropped his quill and turned his head up at her, giving an annoyed look. She bit her bottom lip under his glare and grabbed the back of her braid, pulling it over her shoulder to play with.

"Well it's true…" She mumbled.

Remus closed his book and began to stand up when she grabbed his arm.

"Alright, alright." She started, "You know I'm sorry. Can't you just forgive me already?"

He stopped to look at her, which he really wished he hadn't done because good Merlin those eyes could persuade anyone. His face relaxed a little as he proceeded to sit back down. He quirked his eyebrows, imploring her that for him to get over it, she'd have to give a better apology than that. She sighed when she realized he wanted a more thorough and heartfelt explanation, but a small smile played on her face, happy to have gotten him to stay.

"James Potter is a prat and deserved it." She started, "But I'm sorry I pulled you into it. I know he hasn't spoken to you since and I'm sorry for it."

It was true. James had ignored Remus everywhere he could, unable to even look him in the eye. Sirius and Peter swore that he'd come around and Remus gathered they were right, but it'd take time for James to swallow the hurt and pride Lily had caused him.

On the flip side, James had also been ignoring Lily at every turn, which did nothing but make the girl jump for glee for having finally gotten him out of her hair. Even without talking to her, Remus could tell that she was never happier then within the past week that James had decided to avoid her at all costs. He doubted it would last though. If James was going to forgive Remus at some point then he would almost certainly return back to pursuing Lily.

"You really hurt him Lily," Remus replied.

"I know." She said, not looking an ounce remorseful about it. Remus could've sworn she was still smiling, but he let it go since he wasn't really talking about James anyway.

"And you caused me a load of trouble for it." He continued.

"I know, I know." She said again, flitting her arms in the air. "I'm so sorry Remus. I really am."

"On top of it all, that had to be the worse kiss I've ever had." Remus deadpanned.

Lily, beginning to open her mouth in what Remus assumed was another 'I know', stopped short as his teasing dawned on her.

"Why you little…" She started before a large grin cracked across her face. "Me? A piss poor kisser?"

"Like snogging a toad." He continued straight-faced.

"Remus Lupin!" Lily tried, but she couldn't hold back the laughter in her voice and soon she was smiling brightly at his friendly taunts. "You're one to talk. With all the enthusiasm you put into that kiss I might as well have snogged a wall instead."

Remus finally cracked a sly smile, making Lily beam even more brightly and sending her into a fit of giggles.

"I really am sorry." She finally managed to say after composing herself.

"I know you are." Remus smiled softly at her. "Although I don't think you're especially sorry for the affect it's had on James."

Lily only grinned back, trying hard not to look too satisfied.

"For all the strife he's caused Severus and I, I think that I can enjoy this _one _moment I outdid even him." Lily said confidently. Remus only shook his head, wondering if the two of them would ever be able to stay in the same room and be civil towards one another.

"Speaking of Snape," Remus inquired. "I see you've made up quite well then?"

Lily blushed in response, looking away and becoming uncharacteristically bashful. In the week it's taken Remus to finally talk to her, he hadn't been so blind as to not notice that Severus and her were now finally talking again. They had paired up for every experiment and resumed their normal shy friendship as it was meant to be.

"I guess James wasn't the only one who saw us snog." She said quietly, turning a bright shade of red. Remus' eyebrows shot up, as his mouth formed into an unspoken 'aha'. Lily smiled dreamily, playing with her robe. He could tell she was extremely happy with the outcome of her stunt.

No wonder she wasn't ready to apologize for it.

He watched as her mood suddenly shifted, the smile disappearing as a perplexed look took over.

"Remus," she said, turning up her head towards him again. "Severus has been…" she paused as if not sure she should say what she wanted to. "Well, he's been saying some strange things about you." She mumbled off.

Remus tried very hard to not physically respond to the news. He'd wondered what Snape knew about him since the day he accurately called him a half-breed, but with school work and the normal mischief that followed his friends around daily, he'd been too distracted to concentrate on it. Now he knew that had been a dire mistake. If Severus was telling Lily about what he theorized about Remus, who knows whom else he's already told.

"Has he?" Remus smiled back, pretending to play curious.

"Yes." Lily responded, eyeing him with intensity.

He knew that she was trying to read past his subtle remarks. Lily had been his friend long enough to know that Remus hid most personal things away, even from his own friends. Much like Sirius, she was always keen on trying to pry information from him. He knew he frustrated her by being able to keep most things secret.

"He's been saying how its odd that you disappear all the time." Lily offered, allowing a pause for Remus to interject and offer an explanation of his own. When he didn't, she frowned. "Of course I told him it was silly to think about. Everyone knows you get sick often."

Remus looked back at her, giving no implication of offering up an alternative reason for his disappearances.

"You do get sick, don't you?" she questioned further. Her voice strained with a need for him to prove her right, for him to tell her that Severus had made up the entire thing in his head.

"Yes, Lily," Remus gave in. "I get sick."

"Oh," she sighed in relief. "I thought so." She reassured herself as she smiled back at him.

"Well, I've loads of homework to do," she said slapping her legs and moving to stand up suddenly. "Want to meet in the library later?"

"Sure." Remus responded calmly.

She took several paces away from him before stopping short. He heard her breath in sharply before turning around to face him again.

"You'd tell me right?" She asked with worry, her eyebrow stitched tightly together. "If there was anything else wrong?"

Remus practically dug his nails into the couch cushions to stop himself from loudly gulping with guilt.

"Of course." He lied.

Lily, as if reading right through him, placed her arms across her chest and eyed him thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't care," she said softly. "If you were anything more than just sick Remus. I hope you know that."

Remus stared back at her, unable to find his voice.

He knew then that she didn't believe a word he had told her, that she was already convince of his condition prior their conversation. If she wasn't already aware of everything it meant to be a werewolf he was sure that she would take it upon herself to figure it out through loads of books and library visits. He also knew that she'd never say a word to him about it until he was ready to acknowledge it himself, whenever that would happen. He didn't have to ask for her to keep it a secret, he knew she would never tell a soul about her findings, but that did little to reassure him because if Lily had finally figured it out then that meant Severus had as well.

"I, uh…" Lily started to say, unfolding her arms and reaching back to itch nervously at her scalp. "Well, I guess that I love you."

Remus' eyes practically shot out of his skull at the words as his eyebrows hit the ceiling, all thoughts of Severus disappearing as he focused on what Lily had just confessed.

She giggled amusingly at his response.

"In a completely platonic way." She added, still laughing at his dazed stare. "I just want you to know that nothing you could tell me would change that." And she shrugged her shoulders, as if not sure of what else to say.

The shock Remus felt softened and he found himself filled with an overwhelming amount of gratefulness. It was beyond miraculous that he had become friends with the most tolerant and amazing people in the wizarding world. He had to admit that in the way of friendships, he had been astonishingly blessed.

"Merlin," Lily shifted uncomfortably under Remus' stare. "The first bloke I kiss _and_ I say I love to…we might as well get hitched already." She mused, trying to lighten the awkwardness that had fallen between them.

Remus smiled brightly back at her, making sure to wipe the dimwitted expression off his face and show his appreciation for her being so open with him.

"Ah..." He began to say. He realized very quickly that he was not nearly as brave as Lily was. He squirmed, trying hard to find an easier way of saying what he wanted to back.

"I...well," He tried again, turning redder by the minute.

"I know Remus." Lily interrupted him, smiling and laughing loudly. "You don't need to say it."

Remus sighed in relief, thankful she understood and that he didn't need to voice it for her to know he felt the same. As an awkward silence built between them, Lily's smile faded and she began dancing in her stance, looking ridiculous doing so.

"Well, ok." She finally blurted out, having enough of the awkward grin Remus couldn't wipe off his face at her. "I'll see you later then."

She quickly moved away from him, practically running to the stairway in embarrassment. Just before she began ascending them, Remus couldn't help but call after her.

"Hey Lily," He said and she turned around once again with one arm placed firmly on the railing. "Merlin help Snape when you finally decide to snog him." He cracked mercilessly.

The embarrassment on her face moments before was in pitiful comparison to the darkening red on her face now. Her eyes darted around the common room quickly, making sure that no one had heard the remark.

"Oh, shut up." She cried back with a smirk before turning to run up into the girls dormitories.

* * *

**A/N:**

******Please review :-)**


	8. Fourth Year - Part Three

**Fourth Year – Part Three**

* * *

Remus quietly sat at the Gryffindor table, eating his breakfast while anxiously reviewing his notes before Charms. He had purposely gotten up early in order to have extra time to study before their morning exam. Normally, he would've been prepared but Sirius had been insistent last night in taking up Remus' time instead with bothersome antics, such as stealing his book and goading Remus to chase him or ranting off charms that changed Remus' hair different colors claiming that he was studying too. It had all been very distracting and despite Remus trying to ignore the obnoxious behavior of what is Sirius Black, he hadn't been able to get any work done at all. Now he was desperately trying to cram in a weeks worth of information within an hour. He had tried to convince the rest of the boys that they ought to wake up early and do the same, but decided to give up when all he heard were loud groans of protest from behind their curtains.

Just as he was turning a page he saw a flash of red out of the corner of his eye before it stopped to sit down across from him.

"Thank you for the chocolates." Lily said.

In all his haste to complete his studying he'd almost forgotten.

Today was Lily's birthday.

Yesterday he had convince one of her dorm mates to take the chocolate he'd purchased from Honeydukes up into their room and place them on her nightstand. He knew she would appreciate the gesture, but he also knew Lily wasn't keen on chocolate that much. It had simply been all that Remus could afford to cough up in Hogsmeade, which was why when he looked up at her and saw an unusual wide grin plastered onto her face, he knew instantly that this happiness couldn't have been from his gift.

"You're welcome." He said, eyeing her suspiciously.

She turned her smiling face to the pumpkin juice and poured herself a glass. Remus could see that something was odd about her. She was dressed in her school robes as normal, but her hair was done up especially nice and he wondered if she had a study session with Severus today. Those were usually the only times Remus ever noticed Lily go to any lengths in making herself up. Her demeanor was extremely chipper too, even for her. She sat opposite of him, smiling to herself and humming as she plated some eggs.

"Have a good morning?" he asked curiously.

She nodded her head while still grinning, as if the smile was permanently painted onto her face. Something especially brilliant must have occurred and he could tell that she was begging to tell him. She wouldn't of course. It was often a game they played, though Remus never knew why, where Lily, practically on the edge of her seat squirming to tell him something, would instead wait until he guessed. She wanted him to read her mind or ask the right question. It was exhausting since Lily hardly ever gave in and if Remus didn't guess it quickly enough she'd often get angry at him. It wasn't exactly his favorite game but he always played along nonetheless.

"Something happen?" He started off basic enough.

Lily glanced up at him, trying hard too suppress the goofy grin that wanted to stretch miles across her face. She quirked her eyebrow and gave a small shrug, as if to say 'maybe', then continued on humming. Remus smiled at her aloofness and the fact that she thought she was being coy.

"Did perhaps someone _else_ get you a present Lily?"

Her smiling head shot up instantly, suddenly alert and Remus knew he'd guessed right. Without a word she fumbled inside the collar of her dress shirt and pulled out a lovely silver chained necklace with a small heart shaped pendant at the end.

Remus recognized it immediately and dropped his spoon with a gulp.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She said excitedly, letting her thumb run over the heart. "It was in the common room inside an envelope marked 'Lily'. I can't believe he remembered!"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows at her.

"Are you saying you're _happy_ he gave this to you?" He asked completely confused.

"Of course I am!" Lily replied. "It's not like Severus to hand out gifts you know, he's really conservative in that way. I don't know how he got it in there!"

Remus' face fell at the words and it took him several seconds before he put the pieces together.

_Oh good Merlin…_

He had seen that necklace not a month before in Hogsmeade being purchased by someone who had definitely _not_ been Severus Snape. Remus had to get one of his robes mended at Gladrags Wizardswear and had told the other three that he would meet them later. James, very suspiciously, had cried that he would accompany him there instead and that they would _both_ meet Sirius and Peter later. Sirius, who was annoyed at the idea of having his regular shopping routine of running into Zonkos and then the Three Broomsticks changed, reluctantly gave in, not willing to spend an hour in a clothing store. Considering James' first stop had always been at Spintwitches, Remus thought it strange that he should want to join him but hadn't dwelled too much on the change. It was only when he caught him buying a rather expensive necklace at the counter that Remus wondered if James had an alternative motive for being there.

"For my mother" James had said uneasily when Remus eyed it.

Now that very same necklace that had apparently been for James' mother was hanging from the delicate neck of Lily Evans.

"I'm never going to take it off." Lily continued, smiling at the shining chain.

"Er…Lily," Remus started, but he was interrupted as a set of three boys rushed at them to sit down.

"Nice necklace." James' voice boomed with smugness. He proceeded to nudge Remus down on the table in order to be the one facing Lily straight on.

Lily, a look of annoyance on her face, quickly shoved the necklace back into her dress shirt just as Sirius and Peter sat on either side of her.

"I don't expect you to know anything about jewelry Potter, but it happens to be one of the best gifts I've ever gotten." Lily replied confidently back, extending her neck slightly upwards.

As James' face brightened at her words, Remus wanted nothing more then to melt away somewhere.

"Oh really?," Sirius teased from beside her. His hand was reaching to her collar in order to catch another glimpse of it but she nudged it away with venom.

"Yes, _really_." She spat back, trying to back further away from him only to find herself bumping into Peter. She grimaced in her caged position.

"That necklace is probably cursed by some blood purist." Sirius remarked while invading even more of Lily's space as he reached over to grab the pumpkin juice. She frowned at his comment.

"I happen to know that it's from a brilliant person." She said with a smile.

"A brilliant person eh?" James chimed in, his own face glowing at the praise he incorrectly accepted.

"A brilliant, kind, and _thoughtful_ person." Lily continued, beginning to pack her books up and getting ready to leave.

Remus' face was turning a bright red in embarrassment for both James and Lily's misunderstanding. He watched James' face become more and more excited by Lily's approval.

"Basically everything you're not Potter." Lily added once she had stood up. Sirius and Peter laughed loudly at her taunt as James' face turned into a scowl.

"But it was-"

As fast as he could, Remus gave him a hard shove into his side.

"Ow!" James shouted, "What'd you do that for?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders and turned down to look at his food as Lily began walking away.

James had just forgiven him for the last time Lily and him fought and Remus wasn't ready to go through it all over again. This way at least everyone was happy in complete oblivion.

James stared after Lily's form in puzzlement as Remus continued to silently eat his meal. He was sure Lily was now heading over to Severus in order to thank him. Based on what Remus figured would be shock and confusion, Severus would probably just accept the thank you's without question.

Remus glanced up again to see if she had found Snape in the Great Hall yet, but was distracted when he found Sirius looking at him.

"What?" Remus asked, holding firmly onto his book. He hoped Sirius wasn't planning the same kind of pranks he pulled last night.

Sirius quickly looked down without a response and Remus narrowed his eyes at his friend, convinced he was up to something. He would cast a sticking charm to his book all day if he had to.

**XxxxX**

Sirius lounged casually in the common room. His legs hung lazily over the armrest of his chair as he picked incessantly at his nails, ignoring the annoyed face of James Potter who was seated in a chair parallel him. It wasn't all that hard to do, considering another one of his friends was lying down along the couch that separated both him and James.

Sirius couldn't help but focus his attention on the light haired boy that occupied it. He'd continuously darted worried looks over at a sickly looking Remus, who now had his arm laid across his eyes trying to block out the light.

Remus had been feeling drained all day; the full moon only a night away. It was common for Remus to get light headaches or an uneasy stomach when the full was so close, but it was rare that the illnesses would dramatically affect any part of Remus' day. Today was one of those rare occasions and despite Remus trying his best at hiding his discomfort from the three of them, Sirius had been too observant. Remus had barely eaten all day and Sirius knew something was seriously wrong when he even refused a chocolate that had been offered to him by Peter.

"Why won't you go?" James demanded, interrupting Sirius' concerned stare.

He rolled his eyes at what had to be the fifth time James had asked that question since they had gotten into the common room.

One of Slughorn's many parties was in two days, and despite causing immense amounts of trouble in his classroom and not having a care in the world trying to impress the older Professor, Sirius had quickly become known as one of the Slug Club favorites. Unlike James who saw the title as a means to gain a footing on the 'latter to success' as well as justification for petting his own ego, Sirius resented the idea. He assumed he was invited because of his name and his name alone. There was no other reason Professor Slughorn would have singled Sirius out as a potentially "high flier" as he liked to term it. He had never proven himself a good student like Remus had, or a promising athlete such as James, so his Black heritage was the only applicable reason Sirius could think of and he hated it. He was happy to note that Remus also didn't attend the meetings, claiming that Professor Slughorn's knack for favoritism bothered his "moral codes".

Besides all the fundamental reasons for not going, Sirius also knew that James' main need of attending the event was because Lily Evans had also been invited. Entirely sick of the drama surrounding _that_ Gryffindor, Sirius was in no mood to go with one of his best mates, only to be ditched by him half way through the party in order to pursue a girlfriend.

"I don't want to." Sirius replied shortly and James let out a long sigh in response.

"But _why_?" He whined back.

"Well for one thing I don't have a date." Sirius said, moving one of his arms behind his head for support.

"For Merlins sake!" James cried back, sitting up straightly in his chair. "You could ask out anyone in Gryffindor tower and they'd say yes." He continued, throwing his hands up into the air to exaggerate.

"That's_ not_ true." Sirius replied quickly with a scoff.

"Yes it is." Came a muffled voice.

Sirius turned to see Remus finally removing his arm from his eyes and turning his head on the couch to eye him.

"Is it now?" Sirius smiled, feeling suddenly very playful.

He removed his arm and threw his legs off the armrest so that his feet were flat on the floor, leaning his body closer to the couch where Remus laid.

"You know perfectly well why what James' says is true," Remus responded back. "And I'm not going to lay here and stroke your ego for you Sirius."

"Why Remus," Sirius joked back, feigning surprise. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm unimaginably handsome?"

Remus narrowed his eyes and without responding turned his head upright and closed them once again. Sirius barked a laugh, feeling entirely too happy with his friend's comment. He enjoyed this; flirting with Remus.

Well not _flirting_.

He did not _flirt_ with Remus.

He played - in a teasing manner. Sirius would make a rude remark and Remus, unlike the other two, was always ready with a sarcastic comeback. They would often leave Sirius rolling on the floor laughing at not only the wit that they were full of but also the manner Remus would say them in. He had a remarkable ability of keeping his face straight while he insulted people. Sirius loved it and would never ask for slanders against him in any other form.

"Just ask out Abby Grimple," James interrupted. "She's a nice enough girl."

Sirius sighed and dramatically tilted his head back, realizing the banter between Remus and him had ended.

"No," He replied. "She's terrible boring."

"ARgggh!" James grunted, throwing himself back into the couch. "Name one person you _don't_ find boring?"

"Remus."

It had been much too quick of a reply and in all honestly Sirius didn't know where it came from. He watched as Remus opened his eyes and turned to face him again. Sirius immediately looked away, directing all his attention at James and trying to ignore the butterflies now forming in his stomach.

"And you." Sirius quickly added, gesturing towards James to save face.

He tried hard not to squirm under Remus' glare.

"I meant a _girl_." James said exasperated.

James thought that Sirius had been purposefully avoiding the question.

Sirius fidgeted awkwardly, knowing full well he hadn't been.

"Oh, well in that case …no one." Sirius joked back lightly, trying to mask his discomfort. He added in a yawn to emphasize his point and from the corner of his eye saw Remus' head finally turn towards the ceiling again.

"I don't understand how these girls flock to you like they're under Amortentia and you've yet to date any of them." James replied.

"Not true," Sirius tried. "I asked out Gilly Walters to the Yule Ball remember?"

"And you ignored her all night." Remus' voice chimed in, his body remaining still.

Sirius' mouth quirked up in surprise. He hadn't thought Remus noticed him at all that day.

Then he gulped, suddenly remembering who his attention _had_ been on that night and if Remus had noticed that as well.

"She was a rubbish dancer." He replied, folding his arms and shaking insecure thoughts away.

"Right," James said sarcastically. "And what was wrong with Sheri Mertle? She asked you out at least five times."

"Weird nose." Sirius said, bringing his attention back to his nails.

He was getting more and more uncomfortable as the two boys began prying further into his dating history. It was also getting harder to pretend his indifference to it. What did it matter if he hadn't dated anyone yet? Peter and Remus hadn't either and the two times James did, it had only been to try and get Evans jealous. As if that'd work.

"You're mad!" James cried back. "Mertle's one of the best looking girls in our year!"

Sirius heard Remus groan in pain from the loudness of James' voice.

"Yea, well I have high standards." Sirius quickly rambled off and turned towards Remus. "Are you alright?"

The light-haired boy nodded through closed eyes and slowly picked himself up off the couch so that he was sitting up.

"I'm fine," He said as he rubbed roughly at his eyes. "Just knackered is all."

His voice was soft and Sirius couldn't help but feel the worry crawling back inside of him. Usually when Remus was feeling this awful before a full moon it meant that his transformation would be severe. He was sure that Remus would be shut up in the hospital wing for a few days more then usual after tomorrow night.

"Think I'll head up now. G'night." He said as he began slowly rising.

Sirius, on instinct stood up in order to help him, but Remus quickly brushed him off saying that he was fine and to let it be. Sadly, Sirius took a step back, knowing that it was pointless trying to argue with him. He reluctantly let the other boy make his way over to the staircase alone and Sirius watched the length of his body move with unease, clearly already in pain. He frowned at the sight of him, wishing he could do more. His mind raced back to the animagus spell he was still working on. It was taking far too long to master in his opinion. He needed to help Remus _now_.

Behind him, he heard James continuing to rant off about his lack of dating experience and once Remus was out of sight, Sirius quickly turned back around.

"I'll ask out Abby Grimple alright?!" He scowled back, ready to do just about anything to get the other boy to shut up.

James stopped mid sentence and closed his mouth suddenly. It took a second before he realized that Sirius had finally agreed with him and once he did he folded his arms and sported a smug grin, falling back into the couch cushions and looking incredibly pleased.

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm going to make sure Remus is okay." He said, and with that he made his way up into the dorms to make sure his friend hadn't fallen on the floor half way to his bed.

**XxxxX**

"_Bugger, bugger, bugger!_"

Sirius heard Remus utter behind him. His hands were placed firmly against Sirius' back, urging him to move quicker as he continued to mumble out whispered curses while running. Normally, Sirius would've smiled over the frantic state Remus was in but he was temporarily concentrating on not letting his own feet trip over the invisibility cloak that was covering the both of them.

For their end of the year prank, the Marauders had foolishly split up. While James and Peter were sent off to perform the majority of the task at hand, Sirius and Remus were sent under the protection of the invisibility cloak to distract Filch.

It had seemed easy enough; make some noises in order to lead Filch off in the opposite direction of James and Peter. But half way through Remus and Sirius' venture, one of them had taken a step back as the other took one forward, exposing their legs and torsos to the caretaker for a brief second before fumbling to get under the cloak once again. Once he'd seen them, or the lower half of them at least, Filch had launched forward with Mrs. Norris close behind. Out of nervousness and panic, the boys ran in an unguided direction, indiscreetly making enough jumbled noises and footsteps to allow Mrs. Norris to lead Filch in the correct pursuit.

"_Bugger!_" Remus whispered behind Sirius again.

Hot breathe hit at the base of Sirius' neck, causing a shiver to run down his spine. Suddenly Remus' hands against his back were all Sirius could seem to focus on. He felt another puff of heavy breathing against the back of his head and he nearly tripped as his left knee gave out under him. Remus gripped his arm, catching him and pushing him to keep running.

"You okay?" the other boy whispered into his ear breathlessly.

Sirius' mouth went dry, Remus' lips having tickled against his ear lobe and causing an enormous heat to rush through him.

He never saw the wall coming.

Instead of turning a corner as he had been supposed to, Sirius slammed straight into the impending wall, letting Remus, who had been blindly following Sirius' lead, to crashed as well and sandwiching Sirius between both the stone and his body.

"Bloody…" Remus mumbled, taking a moment to peel himself away from the boy in front of him. "Ow."

Sirius, in a world of pain from the collision turned around awkwardly in the cloak to face his friend. He swayed slightly, still dazed from the impact and leaned his back against the wall in order to steady himself.

"What happened?" Remus asked in a hushed voice. He shook his head, trying to regain his senses before glancing up at Sirius.

"Don't know." Sirius lied. He rubbed at his nose, trying to erase the pulsing numbness now running through it. "Did we loose them?" He asked.

"Don't know." Remus responded with a smirk. He angled his head to peer behind them and Sirius followed his gaze. Only silence and an empty hall seemed to be after them. Sirius sighed with relief, allowing more of his body to relax easily against the wall.

"Whose bright idea was it to send the two tallest in the cloak again?" Remus questioned teasingly, trying to catch his breath. Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned his head back before closing them, taking a moment to slow his own breathing down.

It had been a stupid idea. Even James and Peter recognized it when Sirius insisted on Remus accompanying him under the invisibility cloak. All three had petitioned for Peter to go alone in order to distract Filch since he was the shortest. Peter also hadn't been able to perfect the spell they wanted to perform on the staircase that led straight up from the Slytherin portal hole. But Sirius eagerly volunteered to be the distraction instead and encouraged Remus to come along with him, claiming that he had less of a chance of getting caught this way and ruining his reputation. Remus had been reluctant and pointed out the obvious; that two very grown boys under one measly cloak seemed like an accident waiting to happen, but Sirius had waved it off, much too excited at the idea of Remus being alone with him to think in a logical way. The argument had ended when James, who was eager to just be off with the entire thing, broke up the bickering and decided to let Sirius have his way. Naturally, Sirius had been thrilled.

A soft touch to his forehead jolted Sirius' head up and he opened his eyes to see Remus' hand reaching over and delicately applying pressure against his eyebrow.

"Sirius, you're bleeding." Remus whispered quietly, his face agonizingly close. A shock of heat ran up Sirius' face and the temperature under the cloak seemed to rise exponentially. His heart raced with uncertainty and before he realized what he was doing, Sirius briskly slapped Remus' hand away, picking himself up off the wall and standing up straight.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, looking slightly offended.

"Nothing," Sirius breathed heavy. "I just, I thought I heard something."

He watched as Remus turned to peer down the hall once again, careful to not make any noise in doing so.

Having distracted his friend, Sirius quickly struggled to angle his body away from him. It proved impossible in the close quarters they shared to not have some part of themselves touching each other but Sirius continued to fidget awkwardly, desperate to keep a comfortable distance. Feeling his movements, Remus turned back around to face him and cocked his head in puzzlement.

"I don't see anything." He whispered, a hint of worry in his voice as he watched Sirius squirm. "Sirius, are you alright?"

Remus placed a firm hand on his shoulder, stopping his restlessness immediately.

Sirius' heart paced quickly as he eyed the hand now placed on his shoulder. He suddenly wanted very badly to run out from under the cloak, feeling that if he had to spend one more minute within Remus' presence he was going to suffocate to death.

"I think we should head back" He finally managed to mutter and without chancing another glance at Remus, he hastily stepped out in front of him.

He felt his breathing immediately begin to steady again as Remus' hand fell away and the other boy unquestioningly began to follow him down the hall.

He smiled to himself, feeling foolish as his body cooled. He was acting crazy.

They had almost reached the middle of the hall when Sirius felt an arm sneak around his torso and jerk him back. Remus tugged him close to his body as he guided the two of them quickly backwards into the far side of the stone wall. The protest Sirius would've let out was muffled as Remus' other hand closed over his mouth and seconds later Sirius finally understood what was happening. Down the hall, covered discreetly in the shadows of several statues, was Filch and Mrs. Norris making their way slowly down to where Remus and Sirius now stood.

"What do you smell, Mrs. Norris?" the caretaker rasped out as the cat sniffed at the ground in front of him. They were only a few yards away and Sirius watched as Mrs. Norris perked up her head and stared down the hall.

All it would take is a step in the right direction and Filch would be able to feel the mass of material covering both him and Remus. Sirius felt the grip Remus had around him tighten as the caretaker and his cat began inching closer, forcing Sirius' body to line firmly against the one behind him. Remus nestled his head against the side of his shoulder, his cheek grazing against his own.

Sirius stopped breathing and he knew it had nothing to do with Filch being two steps away from them.

He shuttered from the closeness, but that made Remus only hug him tighter, trying to steady what he must have thought was Sirius' nerves getting the better of him.

Sirius felt as if he was going to explode.

It dawned on him just then, that he didn't much mind the idea of bursting apart. Despite the overwhelming heat and the immediate idea of him dying from lack of oxygen, Sirius kind of _liked_ these feelings.

He liked Remus... touching him.

Without permission, his mind flashed to a much more intimate way Remus could be holding him and had Remus' hand not been still covering his mouth Sirius might have let out a gasp of surprise at his own vivid imagination.

As though the universe had seen his dirty thought and decided to punish him for it, Remus' hands suddenly dropped away from him, leaving a coldness in their place.

"Merlin, that was close." Remus whispered behind him, letting out a long sigh and distancing himself as best he could from Sirius.

Still recovering from the shock of his revelation, Sirius vaguely noted in the back of his head that they somehow had managed to avoid Filch from finding them.

"Come on, let's get out of here before they come back." Remus suggested, moving himself in the front and beginning to walk away.

But Sirius' feet stayed firmly in their place and Remus, realizing that he wasn't ready to follow, turned around to eye him.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked back at him and his heart pulsed as he stared into green eyes, feeling as though he was observing them for the first time. He let his eyes slowly wander over Remus' face, taking in what he just realized he wanted to hold in his hands, touch with his fingers.

_What he wanted to kiss_.

"Remus," he breathed out uneasily, letting the name linger on his lips.

It sounded nice. It had _always_ sounded nice, why hadn't he ever noticed that before?

"Yeah?" Remus answered, confused at his friend's odd behavior.

_I fancy the bloody pants off of you._

"I," Sirius started, still dazed. He was trying hard to organize his thoughts but everything kept seeming to come at him in a jumbled mess.

"Sirius," Remus started, giving him a scrutinizing look. "Are you trying to have a laugh or something?"

"No. I just," He tried, but stopped to shake his head slightly.

How could he possibly explain? A slow and goofy smile began to make its way across his face at the mere ridiculousness of what he just discovered.

"You just, what exactly?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow and beginning to smirk himself.

_I just fancy my best mate._

Sirius swallowed as his smile dropped from existence.

_My best mate._

"Right, well you can '_just'_ in the dorms then too." Remus added, smiling to himself as he began pulling Sirius forcefully along.

_A mate._

Sirius gulped again, hardly aware of his feet beginning to follow behind Remus'.

_I'm a bloody poofer. _

_..._

_For my _best_ mate._

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	9. Fifth Year - Part One

**Fifth Year – Part One**

* * *

Remus had passed by the compartment twice before he realized that it was, indeed, their normal meet up spot on the Hogwarts Express. The last compartment on the train had become a sort of safe haven for the four of them ever since they joined Remus there on that fateful day. But now, as Remus skeptically peered into the glass windows, he was boggled as to what had happened to their sacred space.

Having to attend the mandatory prefect meeting for the first twenty minutes of the train ride, Remus had not been able to greet his three friends properly on the platform. Before Remus had even gotten there James had already spotted Lily, beginning another long year of torturing her with uncomfortable flirting techniques and Peter was once again late as usual. When Remus had seen Sirius he tried to wave to him, but the boy quickly walked off into a large crowd of people. By the time the four of them had finally found each other, they had to board the train and Remus was shuffled off to hear the drones of responsibilities that now came with his badge.

He looked into the window once more, making sure that those were _really_ his friends and then very cautiously opened the compartment door. Instantly the loud chatter and laugher hit Remus and filled the long hall he was still standing in. He stood in the doorway, eyeing his friends curiously.

"Hullo," He tried to say, but the noise was overwhelming and nobody turned to greet him. They all seemed completely unaware and distracted with each other instead.

Inside were several people he had never met before, several _girls_ and pretty girls at that. Two seemed to be giggling over Peter's shoulder as his chocolate frog began jumping away from him. Peter's eyes lit up as he grinned like a cat at the attention they were giving him and Remus almost smiled at the thought of him wooing someone until he turned to see Sirius. The black haired boy was seated on the opposite side of the train with three other girls at various positions around him. He was telling a captivating tale of mischief during his summer and the although they all laughed appropriately at the right spots, Remus doubted they were playing any attention to his words and focused solely on the way Sirius kept throwing a hand into his black hair and flipping it. Sitting next to them sat James, with a girl seated comfortably on his lap. He was playing with her long hair as he whispered things into her ear and the girl smiled and blushed at whatever it was he was saying.

Between all the laughs and flirtatious remarks, nobody seemed to notice Remus finally slip in and take a seat opposite Sirius and his posse. He took his time glancing at all three of them and wondering what the hell was going on.

"Remus!" James finally cried after a minute or so. He stood up suddenly, knocking the unaware girl off his lap and onto the floor. She gave a short wail as she hit the ground hard and Remus jumped up immediately.

"James! What are you doing?" Remus reprimanded him, trying with difficulty to get to the girl in order to help her up. The compartment was only made for six people and since there were several students too many, he couldn't maneuver over quickly enough before she'd stood up by herself.

James ignored his scold and reached his hand over to clap him on the back.

"Missed you too mate!" He smiled and then quickly turned around. "Alright ladies, the last of the us has arrived, if you'd be so kind to exit over to your right, we have much to catch up on."

Several of the girls frowned with being kicked out so suddenly but reluctantly stood up anyway and began making their way out the door. One who had been seated cozily next to Sirius gave him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving and Sirius grinned, looking very satisfied with himself.

"You don't have to-" Remus was starting to say, feeling awful about forcing them out the door, but James quickly grabbed him and sat him down next to him.

"How was your prefect meeting?" James joked as the compartment door shut behind the last one out. He ruffled up Remus' hair in a teasing manner. "Did you finally learn how to be an upstanding citizen?" Remus knocked his hand away and stood up, reseating himself next Peter.

"Who were all those people?" He asked, ignoring James' question and looking over at Sirius.

"Oh, just some birds." James replied casually.

"Just some birds." Remus repeated, frowning at the phrase. It seemed entirely inappropriate to him. Rude, he thought. He looked at Sirius, hoping he might share a similar feeling and join him in scolding James for saying offensive remarks, but the other boy seemed bent on not meeting Remus' eyes, staring nonchalantly at his nails instead.

"Yea," Peter continued. "Sirius found them on the platform and convinced them to join us!"

"Did he?" Remus said with sudden surprise. He had assumed this had all been James' idea, seeing as the boy loved attention so much. Remus glanced at Sirius, waiting for the other boy to acknowledge his presence and chime in on the conversation to explain himself.

He didn't.

"Yup!" Peter said grinning. "You should've grabbed one! They were awfully pretty."

Remus furrowed his eyebrows and turned his head towards Peter.

"Grabbed one?" Remus said slightly agitated. "Are girls now like chocolate frogs? I hadn't been aware." He said sarcastically.

Peter, realizing he'd angered Remus, shied away and sank into his seat.

"Well, you know what I mean." He said, crossing his arms in what Remus hoped was shame.

Remus glanced around at the three boys sitting near him. This wasn't right. The three of them had always been troublemakers but they had never been _ignorant._ Well, at least not when it came to girls. Something seemed terribly off about the whole thing.

"I thought you hated dating, Sirius." Remus said, trying to force his friend to look at him. "All last year James had to beg you to ask someone out."

Sirius finally looked up at Remus and casually threw a hand behind his head.

"Well that was before I realized how brilliant snogging was." He replied with a devilish grin and winked. James and Peter let out loud laughs but Remus couldn't find anything amusing about the statement. "Besides, who said anything about dating." Sirius added.

It took all of Remus not to let his jaw drop to the ground. In all the time Remus had known him, Sirius had only ever ignored advances from the female population, half the time he was oblivious if a girl even looked at him or not. Now, all of a sudden the boy was talking about snogging them and walking away without any commitment. Either someone had the real Sirius locked up somewhere and had taken a polyjuice potion to pose as him, or something dreadful had happened over the summer and Sirius was acting out against it. Remus could see no other reason for his odd behavior.

"With all this attention, I'm sure to win over that ginger's heart this year." James said smugly, interrupting Remus' thoughts.

If Remus could have frowned any more, he would have. They were all acting like prats and Remus wasn't sure if he was more confused or angry. He quickly stood up and reached for the door handle, hastily grabbing for his suitcase.

"Where are you going?" James called after him.

"I think I'm going to hang out with, what was it you called her?" Remus mocked angrily. "Oh yes, the _ginger_, instead." With that he slammed the door closed behind him and began making his way to Lily's compartment.

James and Peter sat stunned, unable to understand what had Remus in a fury.

"What's his problem?" James asked.

Sirius who seemed to have no interest in the sudden outburst merely shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes.

"The prefect badge has probably already gone to his head." was all he said.

**XxxxX**

Sirius sat with his knees up against his chest as he stared down at the sleeping form in front of him.

They had done it, he thought to himself astonished.

After all the times he had passionately convinced James and Peter to not give up or stop trying, Sirius was never entirely sure if he ever believed it himself. Now, staring at Remus' limp body in the Shrieking Shack, Sirius knew he had finally been right about something.

James and Peter laid several feet away in the cold and barren room, sleeping off the excitement that the previous night had caused. The three of them had been prepared to argue and reason with Remus about what they had done as soon as he transformed back, but once the sun had come up Remus all but glanced at them before falling to the ground in exhaustion. Casting awkward looks at each other as of what to do, they decided to catch some sleep themselves and wait for Remus to come fully aware before explaining what had happened.

Several minutes after Sirius had heard the light snores of his other friends drift off, he had stood up and walked over to Remus. His mind had been racing too wildly with what he'd seen in order to sleep and decided to keep a protective eye over werewolf instead. He'd quietly thrown a blanket over the other boy's naked form, blushing slightly while doing so, before having sat down next to him.

Now he sat, counting the breaths coming out of Remus' mouth as a disturbing thought ran through his head.

The wolf had accepted them as comrades within minutes and looking at Remus now, Sirius realized that the boy hadn't attacked himself. A few bruises from rough housing and naturally Remus would still feel weak from the transformation itself, but no _scarring_ injuries. Everything had gone perfectly, which was why Sirius couldn't understand why he still felt so miserable about it.

James, Peter, and him had hidden themselves under the hatch that connected to the underground tunnel from the Whooping Willow, planning to emerge only when they were sure Remus had fully changed, not wanting to risk throwing him into a panic. But once the first cries of pain had reached Sirius' ears, he reacted out of instinct; quickly opening the hatch while the other two boys tried to stop him and transforming into his animagus form. He had imagined Remus changing a million times over in his head, but it was nothing compared to actually seeing it in person. His dog form had whined with every crack of bone he heard, every scream of agony. Now the cries seemed to replay over and over again in Sirius' head, making him grimace as if he was in pain too.

"It's not enough." He whispered to no one. He gentle reached his hand over to stroke a stray piece of Remus' hair out of the other boy's face, but then quickly snatched his hand back. He glanced around the room making sure no one had seen him while silently scolding himself.

He'd promised during the summer to cure whatever schoolgirl crush he had on Remus and he was trying with every inch of his being to make good on it. He had read somewhere that in order to move on you had to see other people. But what had started as a way of diminishing the feelings he shared for Remus, quickly turned into a way of proving to himself and to others that he wasn't gay. Instead of seeing one or two people, Sirius began agreeing to dates with just about anyone who asked him. Every single one proved to be slow torture, which only made him more eager to agree to more, hoping that someone, _anyone_ would be able to help him keep his mind off of Remus. None of them did though. Every time he tried to kiss a girl, his insides turned sour and he could barely keep his mouth from clamping shut. One girl, who had been rather bold, actually lifted his hand to place it onto her chest and Sirius nearly had a heart attack trying to get away from her.

The worst part of it all was the way Remus looked at him anymore. It was as if he knew exactly what Sirius was trying to do, reading straight through his easy smiles and jests about snogging in broom closets. He had figured Remus might react with anger or annoyance at his new behavior, believing he could deal with either of those responses, but the only look Remus ever gave him was one of utter disappointment, his face frowning as his eyes held heaps of sadness in them. Sirius grew sick with guilt from the expression every time he did something to warrant it. He quickly found that he had an especially hard time faking indifference to the judgment of someone he admired so much.

Nonetheless, he was determined to end the emotions that followed him whenever he thought about Remus. It might take months or even years, but he was sure he could do it. He had managed the animagus spell hadn't he?

"Sirius?" Remus' voice rasped out and his body shifted.

Sirius quickly reached out to help his friend, allowing his arms to tightly cling to the weak body, supporting it.

"Where are w-" Remus started, and then, immediately recognizing his surroundings, Remus' eyes grew big and he pushed Sirius violently off of him.

"Don't touch me!" He hollered in a panic. He tried desperately to scramble to his feet but tripped over the blanket that had been covering him, bringing him to his knees. He placed a hand against the floor to keep himself from hitting the ground completely.

"Remus," Sirius tried to explain, but Remus shook his head in earnest, panting with worry.

"Get out of here!" He cried at him, "I'll hurt you!" He threw the blanket off to the side and rushed to stand up. His cries woke up James and Peter and the two of them quickly stood up, realizing instantly what was happening. Seeing them, Remus cried out in dismay, hurling himself into the nearest corner in order to distance himself from all three of them.

"You have to leave!" he sobbed, "I'll change soon…"

"Remus," Sirius said calmly, approaching him slowly with the blanket in his hands. "It's over. You're not going to change, it's morning."

Remus, still panting, quirked his head up in confusion and then looked towards James and Peter. The two boys shook their heads in agreement with Sirius, letting the other boy know he was telling the truth. Remus looked between the three of them, trying hard to understand. He glanced towards the window and on seeing the sunlight peek through the tattered frames, he let his body drop in relief into a crouched position on the floor.

"But," he began, bringing a hand to his heart and trying hard to calm himself down. "How-Why are you here?"

Sirius took bold steps towards him before crouching down to meet his eyes and just as before, draped the blanket over his body. James and Peter quickly followed, stepping up to help explain. Sirius pulled Remus' arms out from under the blanket and turned them over in his hands gently so that Remus could see.

"Look," Sirius said, gesturing to Remus' hands. "You're not hurt Remus. And you're never going to hurt yourself again either."

Remus followed his gaze, taking a moment to stare at his perfectly healthy arms. He threw a look of astonishment at Sirius before shifting around to inspect other parts of his body. He let his hands and eyes feel and search for any tears in his skin, carefully looking over every inch of himself. When he was finally convinced that there were no marks, he glanced back at the three of them, confused.

"I don't understand." He said simply, his voice still weak.

"We were with you." Peter said with a small smile. "We didn't let you hurt yourself."

Remus' eyes only stared back in bewilderment.

"But I would've killed you if you were here." He replied earnestly.

Without another hesitation, James quickly transformed into his animagus form. Remus gasped at the sudden change and moved back slightly, his hands dropping from Sirius' as his back hit against the corner of the wall. Before he had a chance to say anything, Peter changed as well, followed quickly by Sirius and soon three very different animals surrounded him. Remus stared in amazement, his breath caught in his throat. It took him a moment before he bravely reached out a shaky hand to the black dog in front of him, making sure that what he was seeing was really there. It nuzzled into his touch and then quickly turned back into Sirius.

"You didn't…" Remus trailed in disbelief, his hand still frozen in place within Sirius' hair. As James and Peter both turned back, Sirius took his friend's hand and placed it on the ground where Remus let it lay still.

"You'll never be alone again Remus." James said, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"_Sirius_," Remus began, still staring at the boy directly in front of him.

Sirius knew what he was thinking. Remus had figured it'd all been his idea, doing something so rash and dangerous without telling him. Who else could it have been? Certainly not Peter, and James, though brash himself, would never have invaded Remus' private life like this, something he repeatedly kept under lock and key.

"I-" Remus started, staring in amazement. To Sirius' surprise, his eyes weren't full of anger or resentment, as Sirius had prepared for, but of gratefulness.

He flushed, realizing the boy was trying to thank him.

Panicking with the idea of accepting the gratitude and admitting his involvement, he quickly tried to find a way out of the situation.

"It had all been James' idea," Sirius blurted out, trying to find a quick escape. "He's the brilliant one, not me."

James shifted his gaze from Remus and glared at Sirius in confusion.

"What are you talking about, you ponce, no I d-"

"Don't be modest James," Sirius interrupted him. "You know we wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

Sirius was caught off guard as Remus flung his arms around him, not hearing a word and standing on his knees to pull Sirius into a tight hug.

"You're a idiot." Remus whispered, clinging tightly, "So unbelievably daft."

Sirius, who had stiffened against the embrace, found himself smiling at the odd praise.

"_Thank you_." Remus whispered into his ear.

"It's nothing." Sirius replied, giving up.

His answer caused a short laugh to emerge from Remus, making it clear that it was much more then nothing.

Realizing Remus wasn't letting go anytime soon, Sirius placed his arms around him, trying hard to ignore the fact that this was the first time they were this close since being under the invisibility cloak last year and the more obvious realization that this time Remus was stark naked. A few seconds later and Sirius found himself gently pushing Remus away from him, not thinking he could hold himself together much longer.

"We need to go, Pomfrey will be coming soon." He said as an excuse. He quickly picked himself up from his knees and dusted himself off as James and Peter said their goodbyes, patting Remus on the back. The three of them began walking towards the hatch.

"There's clothes for you in the corner Remus." Peter added before they began descending into the opened floorboard. Remus nodded with understanding and watched as both Peter and James began climbing down.

As Sirius reached to grab the invisibility cloak before following behind them, he looked over at Remus one last time and gave him a small smile.

"Alright?" he asked.

"Never better."

Remus' giant grin was the last thing Sirius saw in the Shrieking Shack before hopping down into the tunnel and heading back to Hogwarts.

**XxxxX**

Remus struggled to concentrate, feeling as though the whole world was against him finishing the last two scrolls of his Magical Creatures essay. He looked enviously over at Lily, who had been diligently working on her paper all evening and seemed to be just finishing up. The two of them had met up in the common room to keep each other company while working on various assignments. It was an arrangement that let Remus feel as though he had some sort of social life while still keeping his class assignments handed in on time. It was also noted that Lily proved to be a great resource of information. If he had any problems remembering which type of tree Bowtruckles preferred to live in he could easily ask her instead of fishing out his textbook for an answer.

Yet despite the accessible help Lily offered, Remus couldn't seem to get anything done. If he was honest with himself he knew that his attention span had been dwindling ever since the start of the term, most of it because of the issues surrounding his three best mates.

Despite joining him on full moons now, Remus had been feeling extremely detached from his dorm mates. The idea of them drifting apart had his mind racing in circles every night as to the reason and often left him feeling unusually agitated. He couldn't explain away his irritation, but he did know that his inability to connect with them any longer was largely due to their current behaviors.

Their newfound obsession with the opposite sex had Remus at a loss. Peter, no doubt, loved the attention. The boy had always been considered, much like Remus was, as a person constantly living under the shadow of both James' popularity and Sirius' cunningness. Now suddenly he was being given amorous attention and Remus couldn't blame him too harshly for basking in it.

James, on the other hand, had always been given an extraordinary amount of admiration. The only explanation on his part was that he was using it as a means to make Lily jealous. Not only did this bother Remus because of the way James was using naïve girls for a private goal, but also because he was toying with feelings for an impossible outcome. Lily had yet to notice or care any time James tried to show off by walking by with a pretty Gryffindor on his arm, loudly flirting and giggling. Within the past months she had repeatedly told Remus how relieved she was that James had finally moved on. Remus hadn't the heart to correct her and even though Remus disagreed with James' tactic, he at least understood the reasons behind it.

What really bothered Remus and had kept him up several long nights was what _Sirius_ had to gain from it all. As far as he knew, Sirius had no one to make jealous and as for attention's sake, Sirius had always been well liked by the majority of the students at Hogwarts. Nothing Remus could think of explained why the other boy would be so adamant about dating so suddenly. Unlike James, who had taken two or three girls around, Sirius had been eagerly switching partners almost weekly, jumping from female to female with no intentions of calling them his girlfriends.

And it wasn't only his serial dating that had Remus confused, it was also his attitude towards others. The humorous teasing Sirius used to display so much during his early years was now turning into something much crueler. James and him had begun picking ruthlessly on younger Slytherin students and these incidents were looking much less like playfulness and much more like bullying.

Remus sighed with vexation, tossing his unfinished paper aside. Hoping to distract his thoughts away from Sirius, he reached into his rucksack and pulled out another project he'd been working on since the first full moon. Very carefully, he pulled apart the parchment onto his lap. He frowned, eyeing the poorly drawn map of Hogwarts and realizing how much work he still needed to do. The lines that outlined the school's grounds were still disappearing off the page at random points and the names of people roaming the halls and rooms would appear and then vanish in short flashes, giving the map a spasm Remus never intended.

After his friends had shown him what strenuous lengths they had gone to in order to make Remus' transformations more bearable, he had been at a loss for words. Knowing he'd never be able to express how grateful he was, he'd decided that he was going to have to do something incredible in order to thank them properly. His map, if it came out anything like he imagined it would, hopefully would take the place of the words he'd never manage to express.

As Remus began gently touching the end of his wand to the parchment, he heard the portal door open and looked up. Sirius was stepping through, followed by a shy looking girl he remembered was named Anwen. Remus froze, realizing the two of them were coming in together. His eyes followed them distractedly as they made their way to a couch near the corner of the room. Sirius, always putting his best charm first, gestured for the young girl to sit down and she smiled as she sat, holding her books tightly to her chest and looking nervous. Sirius quickly landed next to her, letting his arms and legs graze against hers, smiling handsomely. Remus stared unblinking, his mouth becoming dry as Sirius leaned in close and whispered something into the girl's ear. Anwen smiled and as Sirius slowly righted himself up again, his eyes flitted over to Remus, causing the latter boy to quickly swallow the distaste in his mouth and look down out of embarrassment.

"Bugger!" Remus jumped.

His wand, that had been trying to make corrections to the map, had teetered off the parchment during Remus' stupor and created dark black lines onto his trousers instead. He quickly nudged the map aside to clean up the mess.

"Something a matter?" Lily asked. She placed her book on the table in front of them and slid herself closer to him on the couch.

"It's nothing," he replied frustrated, already casting a quick cleaning spell. He smoothed his trouser's leg out, making sure he had gotten every line before taking another quick glance across the room again. Sirius seemed to have already forgotten about him, now holding Anwen's hand and pretending to read her palm.

Remus suddenly felt very irritated.

He couldn't remember the last time the four boys had all been together in the same room for more than five minutes, let alone Sirius and him having a private moment to themselves. Now the boy in question was spending a majority of his free time with people he hardly knew, shamelessly gripping their hands and touching them in a way that should be considered intimate and meaningful. Sirius knew this girl just about as well as he knew Snape's parents.

Remus grit his teeth in annoyance, watching Sirius let a finger trance down the length of Anwen's hand.

The way Remus saw it, Sirius had traded in their friendship for cheap giggles and a few kisses, replacing the time they used to spend together with empty conversations of flattery.

_It was maddening. _

At the very least he could have found someone he actually cared about, someone who really knew him. A person who could make him laugh and smile as well as be able to calm down his anger streaks. Someone who saw past the Black name and realized how horrible they treated him. Someone-

"Remus, are you alright?" Lily asked from his side. She placed her hand gently on his knee, stopping him from bouncing his leg anxiously up and down, a habit that had only recently formed.

"Sorry?" He asked, feeling as if he couldn't concentrate on anything other then Sirius's slow moving finger.

She looked at him curiously while taking her hand back. When his leg began to move again and he turned from her gaze, she sighed and sank back into the cushions, giving up on trying to coax anything out of him.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked after a moment.

Remus, whose eyes darted back and forth between Sirius and Lily nodded his head without uttering a word.

"We snogged." Lily whispered excitedly.

Remus snapped his head to her.

"Who?" He asked, suddenly bewildered.

"Sev and I!" Lily replied as if it was obvious. She rolled her eyes at him and then smiled. "We snogged a looong time." She emphasized, entirely too happy to share the event.

Remus grimaced.

"You too?" He groaned, fidgeting in his seat. He felt his leg shake feverishly.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked.

"Is there something about turning sixteen that makes everybody act like bloody animals with the opposite sex?" He retorted.

He felt his face grow red with anger and Lily looked back at him, clearly offended.

"We're not _animals,_ Remus just because we fancy each other." Lily snapped back at him.

Remus turned away from her, trying hard to bite his tongue from a cruel response.

He was never like this, never unable to control himself. This would usually be the time when the calm and understanding Remus would've started apologizing for being a git, realizing he was letting too much of his own emotions get in the way. But today, there didn't seem to be an understanding side to him, not one he could find anyway. All he felt was frustration and anger, and a burning sensation at the base of his chest that was so strong he swore it was going to burn a hole through his robes.

He couldn't shut it out, as much as he tried. He wondered in concern what was causing him to loose so much of himself.

"If you want a girlfriend, all you'd have to do is ask someone." Lily remarked suddenly, slamming a book as she threw it into her bag.

He felt his blood boil at the comment.

"I don't _want_ a bloody girlfriend." Remus barked back at her, his last reserves leaving him. He grit his teeth with rage, tired of everyone seeing his opposition as jealously for not getting a good snog for himself.

"Well then maybe you should just finally tell your friends that they're acting like prats and stop taking your lack of courage out on me!" Lily threw back at him, a vein practically popping out of her forehead.

Her voice carried loudly through the common room, causing several eyes to glance their way. She stepped closer to him, lowering her voice and jabbing an accusing finger into his shoulder.

"Admit it," She dared him, "You're mad because for the first time in years you're finally seeing them for who they _really_ are and haven't the courage to stand up to it."

"That has nothing to do with it." Remus countered, standing up and meeting her head on.

"Really?" she replied sarcastically. "You think I don't see the looks on your face every time Sirius makes another girl cry by breaking up with her, or how you grimace every time James castes the Levicorpus spell on first years? You have that bloody prefect badge but are too scare to use it and now you're having it out on me!"

"If you want to have a talk with someone about courage then you should talk to Snape." Remus replied coldly.

"Don't bring him into this," Lily scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"You think Snape will ever admit to kissing you?" Remus continued, ignoring her comment. "You're ready to cry it out on Gryffindor tower but the truth is Severus will never allow you to. He'd keep you hidden in a closet for your entire life if he could because _he's ashamed to be seen with you_."

A cold silence fell between them as Remus realized what he'd said. His face went straight from anger to shame within seconds and he scrambled quickly for redemption.

"No-," He tried, reaching his hand out desperately to Lily, but she jumped back from him as if being burned. "Lily, that's not true."

Her face, void of all color only stared back at him, not believing his callousness. Her mouth tightened as a gloss formed over her eyes. Trying hard to keep herself together, she reached for her bag on the floor and slowly threw it over her shoulder.

"Whenever you decide to grow a pair," she said shakily. "let me know."

She moved quickly before giving Remus a chance to stop her, heading straight towards the girls dormitories. Remus threw a hand into his hair as he plopped himself down on the couch, feeling every bit as horrible as he should. He glanced over to where Sirius was but found the boy gone, Anwen too.

He sat there few a moment, looking around at all the groups of students still inside the Common Room, never feeling more alone in his life.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please review :-) **


	10. Fifth Year - Part Two

**Fifth Year – Part Two**

* * *

"Merlin, I can't get over his face." Laughed James, wiping a tear away from his eye as he rolled with laughter next to Sirius on the couch.

Sirius smiled smugly and folded his arms with proud conviction.

"What is it about third years being so gullible?" Sirius pondered with a tease in his voice. "You'd think they'd of learned by now."

James only laughed louder and Sirius took a sideways glance at Remus, who was seated comfortably a few feet away from them, intent on his book. Sirius fidgeted before turning his eyes away again.

It seemed all Remus did any more was read. He still lived with them, ate with them, and even occasionally conversed with them but he had gotten distant with his words, barely uttering two phrases every time they were all together. Sirius tried to ignore it, forcing himself to believe that this was for the better, that it was exactly what he wanted. Some room away from their friendship would help Sirius reclaim some of his mind, but he noted that Remus hadn't just removed himself from Sirius' presence but also Peter's and James'. Remus had stopped voicing his opinion on all matters; girls, pranks, homework. Nothing seemed to get him to join in on their fun and anytime Sirius knew he was itching to say something, he'd only grip his book's binding tightly and continue to pretend to read.

Which was exactly what he was doing now.

"You two pranked someone?" Peter asked, looking slightly put out.

James smiled mischievously and nodded his head, still letting out light laughs.

"A few third years Slytherins had the misfortune of stepping on Sirius' robes this morning." James smiled. "Sirius gave them about two seconds to run before flipping out his wand."

Sirius watched Remus twitch at the words, repositioning himself in his chair so that his book was blocking his view of the three of them. A twinge of annoyance ran through Sirius. He had agreed that ignoring Remus was his best bet of getting over the werewolf, but the idea of _Remus_ purposefully ignoring _him, _looking away as if the very idea of Sirius disgusted him, was infuriating. A very selfish and angry part of him suddenly wanted nothing more than to gain the boy's attention, to force him to look him in the eyes.

"Why don't you guys let me in on your pranks anymore?" Peter complained from his side.

If all Remus did was read nowadays then all Peter did was whine about how James and him constantly left him out. Sirius was getting fed up with the persistent wails and never understood his point. Somewhere during their fifth year Peter had decided to stop thinking for himself and start agreeing with whatever James said, following the taller boy around like a lost puppy. He was hardly ever _not_ in on their pranks simply for the fact that he never left their sides. Sirius assumed Peter's new behavior was due to the fact that his popularity with both girls and the majority of the Gryffindor house had increased ten-fold since James had joined the Quiddich team. Instead of being referred to as "Peter, the bloke that mucks up every potion", he became "Peter, the bloke whose best friends with the ever admirable James Potter". Obviously Peter pieced together that his new acceptance had everything to do with James and nothing to do with his own personality. So Sirius figured the boy decided to take on the title of James' friend to a whole new level, figuring it kept him in safe marks with the other students. Unfortunately, the only thing it did for Sirius was annoy the living daylights out of him.

"I want to pull a prank too." Peter continued, "You promised to teach me the Levicorpus spell last week James."

Sirius rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the high-pitched voice of his friend.

"Some other day Peter," James answered him, "I'm too busy today."

"But why didn't you tell me about the Slytherins?" Peter drew on relentlessly. "I would've helped."

"Maybe because we'd figured your gigantic stomach rolls would've gotten in the way of our curses." Sirius snapped at him.

Remus' book dropped down immediately to face him, as both James and Peter stared at Sirius with varying expressions. James quirked an eyebrow but Sirius could tell he was trying with difficulty to keep a straight face as Peter's eyes widened, making him look like a wounded five year old child. Try as he might, Sirius couldn't ignore the look Remus was giving him. It was that blasted look of disappointment that so often haunted Sirius around anymore, making him twitch with guilt and shame.

"Well then," Peter huffed, obviously wounded. "I suppose my rolls and I will be going."

Standing up with as much dignity as he could muster, he quickly began making his way out of the common room.

Not able to ignore the doleful look in Remus' eyes, Sirius quickly turned his head and tried to redeem himself.

"Oi, come on now!" He called after the pudgy boy. "I was only joking!"

Peter let the portal door shut loudly behind him and Sirius turned back to see Remus' book once again in front of his face.

"A little on the harsh side don't you think?" James questioned him.

"It's not my fault he can't take a joke." Sirius muttered, folding his arms and reassuring himself that he'd done nothing wrong.

"You think Regulus will say the same after this morning?" James jested, smiling from the memory.

Sirius' response was stopped as Remus' book dropped into his lap, loudly shutting it.

"You cursed _Regulus_ for stepping on your robes?" Remus asked in shock. He stared unblinking at Sirius, not even trying to hide the horror in his voice.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, not really wanting to think about it.

"He's a Slytherin too isn't he?" He said, leaning back into the couch and pretending to not notice the distressing look in Remus' eyes.

"He's your brother." Remus replied sadly.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, trying to look apathetic.

For the first time in years Sirius regretted ever telling Remus anything about his family. He had confided in the other boy long ago that one of Sirius' only confidants at home during the summer holidays was Regulus. Despite his brother being influenced more and more by his parent's rants and his new Slytherin friends, Sirius had tried to keep a relatively good relationship with him, convinced he could still save his little brother from the purist ways. When James and him hexed or cursed Slytherin students in previous years, Sirius had always made sure Regulus and his friends weren't involved. He also had made sure to never let on to his friends that he was favoring a Black family member, often going out of his way to ensure that the other three never questioned his loyalty. The gestures Sirius showed his brother easily went over James and Peter's heads, but naturally Remus had picked up on it without a second thought. In private conversations between just the two of them, Remus would hint that he knew about Sirius' chivary towards his little brother, but never bluntly called him out on it.

It was inevitable Remus would've notice the change.

"Merlin, there's Lily." James interrupted, "How do I look?" He turned towards Sirius, throwing a hand into his hair frantically.

"Like a right ponce." Sirius responded.

"Brilliant." He said as he got up, running after the poor red head.

Sirius smiled, watching him shuffle away and then turned to see that Remus was still staring at him with that same troubled expression. He cleared his throat awkwardly and moved to begin packing his books up in order to leave. He refused to be caught alone with him.

"Missed you at the Infirmary this month." Remus said softly, his voice unusually gentle.

Sirius' hand stopped mid-air, clutching one of his scrolls as he felt the blood drain from his face.

Since the very first time that Remus had asked them to never visit him in the Hospital wing, Sirius had continuously neglected his plea, bringing homework and chocolate as a means of forgiveness. Remus would always ask him why he came and tell him to leave before reluctantly giving in and mumbling a low thank you. Those days of the month quickly turned into an unspoken and personal refuge for the two of them. It was where Sirius would openly talk about his family and when Remus let his guard down, just for a few hours, and talked to Sirius about his insecurities for the future. Those also were the days, Sirius was now sure, that he'd begun having feelings for his friend, which was why he found it imperative that he stop attending them.

Remus had never brought it up before, despite Sirius being absent every month of this term. He suddenly pictured the other boy sitting up in his bed after every full moon, waiting patiently and hoping that he would show up.

"I just figured that since I spend the moons with you now," Sirius began slowly, trying to erase the image "That you wouldn't mind if I skipped out."

Remus nodded his head in understanding, clearly still hurt.

"Don't mind if I still get your notes then?" He asked, looking down at his hands as if he couldn't bare to look at Sirius any longer.

"Of course not." Sirius said shortly. He quickly rummaged through his rucksack and pulled out the sloppy notes he'd taken.

He moved towards Remus warily, the other boy still looking down, and proceeded to hand them over. Remus slowly reached his hand out to grab onto them, but at the last minute changed his mind and decided to take ahold of Sirius' wrist instead, pulling him closer. Sirius gasped at the suddenly movement, caught unaware.

"What happened?" Remus asked quickly, as if not able to hold back his words any longer. His voice was low and had a slight note of desperation in it.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his voice shaking. He tried to pull his hand away but Remus' grip only tightened, making it clear that he wanted an honest answer.

"This past summer, Sirius," Remus implored. "What _happened_?"

"Nothing happened." Sirius lied.

"Was it your family?"

"Honestly I've no idea what you're going on about."

"Regulus then?"

"It wasn't anything…"

"Your father?"

"I _said_ nothing happened!" Sirius yelled, yanking his hand away and sending several of his scrolls flying around them.

A deafening silence followed as the two boys stared at each other, neither flinching to move in order to pick up the mess they'd made around them.

"Listen," Sirius finally breathed out. He struggled to look at Remus in the eye, feeling as though there was an overpowering energy in the room with them, filled with unsaid words and startling emotions.

"I've got to go." He lied, feeling his palms beginning to sweat. Remus only nodded, saying nothing.

"I'll see you later." Sirius mumbled, grabbing his rucksack from the floor.

As quickly as he could, he moved for the portal hole, feeling Remus' eyes bore into the back of his head the entire time.

**XxxxX**

Somehow, deep down inside of him, Remus knew this moment would come. When his friends would push the limits too far, forcing Remus to make a choice. He just had hoped that it wouldn't have happened so soon.

*"Let him down!" Lily cried, struggling to get at her own wand in order to undo the Levicorpus spell James had just performed on Snape.

Remus grimaced, clinging to his book as if he could successfully hide behind it unnoticed. But he knew that Lily had already seen him, had watched him let his friends take advantage of Snape, willingly let them humiliate the greasy haired boy in front of the entire school.

"Certainly," He heard James say, before flicking his wand upwards, sending Snape falling roughly to the ground.

A roar of laughter shot through the yard and Remus could feel himself becoming smaller and smaller. Every single thing he'd done this year had only made everything worse between his friends and him. When he had tried to talk sense into them, they had brushed him off as being 'too much of a prefect', when he'd finally confronted Sirius, the boy had snapped back at him before running away, and when he had finished the map and handed it over as a means to bridge the gap that had separated them all, the response had been disheartening. All three had grinned liked cats when he'd given it to them, but Remus soon found out later that they were using it to further torture unaware students. Cruelly sneaking up on them with both the map in hand and the invisibility cloak covering them, casting spells they wouldn't have dreamed of using in previous years. Remus nearly tore his hair out when he realized he'd helped them become even more monstrous in their acts.

And now…

"Petrificus Totalus!" Sirius shouted, causing Snape to keel over just as he'd begun to stand up.

"Leave him alone!" Lily cried out again, desperate for any kind of help. Remus felt her eyes glance over at him pleading, then grunt in frustration as she realized he was going to remain seated like the coward she had told him he was. He watched from the corner of his eye as she proceeded to whipped out her wand and point it directly at James, knowing full well that she had no back up.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." He said, staring back at her warily.

"Take the curse off him then!" She cried back, her hair wild as her face grew red with anger.

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter-curse.

"There you go," He said, as Snape struggled to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Snape snapped back.

Remus' heart nearly stopped as he felt his book drop from his hands. He stood up quickly, kicking the book aside and stepped out from under the tree that was covering him. His eyes quickly found Lily, standing perfectly still and staring at Severus with an enormous amount of hurt in her eyes.

"Fine," She finally said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

Remus watch as Snape's face fell, realizing instantly his mistake. He looked about ready to say something before James interrupted him.

"Apologize to Evans!" He roared, his wand pointed threateningly at Snape.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding back on James. "You're as bad as he is! You _all_ are!" She said, fixing steely eyes on Remus across the way. He swallowed with guilt, knowing she had every right to accuse him.

"What?" yelped James. "I'd never call you a- you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me sick!"

James' face fell at her words and Lily, breathing heavily looked around, realizing that half the school had now walked over to view the fight. She took one last look at James before turning on her heel. As she did, she flashed Remus one of the most angering expressions he'd ever witnessed. It was cold, something almost impossible for Lily to emit and it chilled Remus to the bone as he watched, mouth agape as she continued to walk away from them. He wanted desperately to run after her, but he found his legs still frozen in shock. Severus, the eye of Lily's affections for the last five years, had just publicly denounced her as something unworthy to be accompanied with. Knowing the horrible heartache Lily would be going through, Remus never wished more in his life that he'd been wrong about a person.

A flash of green light distracted his thoughts and he turned to see that James had once again cast Snape upside down in the air.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivellus' pants?" Sirius asked the crowd as another roar of laughter shook the ground.

Remus felt something snap within him as he looked across at his friends. Anger, jealously, disappointment, irritation, despair; every single emotion that had ever plagued him through his fifth year seemed to suddenly begin choking him from inside, desperate for release. A million thoughts and memories ran through his head. Sirius sitting with Anwen, Lily calling him a coward, James taunting first years; they all rushed at him and before he knew what he was doing his hand was clutching at his wand. Lily wouldn't forgive him for standing idle during this one. He was certain that unless he did something now he was going to loose one of the best friends he'd ever had.

"Expelliarmus!" He heard himself shout.

Sirius' wand, which had just been about to please the crowd with the removal of Snape's underwear, shot out of his hand, flying backwards into the mass of students.

"Remus!" Sirius looked over at him accusingly, his face full of confusion. "What the hell are you doing?"

But Remus didn't have time to waste on a person who seemed to barely care about him any more. He charged passed Sirius, nudging him roughly in the shoulder before he began to run after Lily. If he was fast enough he could still catch up with her.

"Hey!" He heard Sirius' voice call after him, but he ignored it, remembering all the times Sirius had chosen to ignore him. The thought seemed to fuel his legs to run faster and he quickly pushed through the crowd.

Up ahead, Lily was just making her way over the hill, her pace slowing.

"Lily!" He shouted, running faster. She didn't turn and Remus was unsure if she hadn't heard him or was purposefully not listening. He ran faster.

He was only a few feet away when he cried out her name again and when she still refused to turn around, he reached out his arm in order to grab onto her shoulder.

"Lily, wait." He breathed, as his hand took ahold of her.

Without any warning she spun quickly on her heel and slapped him straight across the face. Remus fell back a step from the blow and cupped his hand to his cheek. He looked up in surprise, finding Lily with tears streaming across her face. His eyebrows furrowed and he tried to catch his breath in order to say something, but found himself suddenly speechless.

"Lily, I-" He stuttered, but he couldn't seem to find the right words as he looked at her. Obviously finished with patience, Lily exhaled with frustration at his lack of expression, staring at him with such loathing that Remus wondered if he was already too late, that he had just ruined the last remaining friendship he had.

"Hey!" A voice cried from behind them. Lily glanced around Remus at who ever it was and then without another hestitation began walking away from him again. Remus could only blink before a warm hand forcefully turned him around.

"Merlin, did she hurt you?" Sirius asked, placing both his hands on Remus' face and peering delicately at his cheek.

Realizing who it was, Remus quickly shoved him off in anger, pushing him to the ground.

"Bloody-" Sirius shouted, before hitting the dirt hard.

"Get off of me!" Remus cried.

"I was only trying to help!" Sirius hollered back at him.

He tried to scramble back to his feet but the ground was still muddy from yesterday's rain and Sirius ended up falling back onto his knees. Without offering to help him up Remus turned away and began walking back towards the school.

"Remus!" Sirius cried, clumsily struggling to get up again. It was only a half a second later and the black haired boy was back at Remus' side, his hand grasping at his robes for him to stop.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked, his dress shirt now covered in splotches of dark mud.

"What's wrong with _me_?" Remus suddenly snapped, stopping in his tracks in order to face Sirius properly. He couldn't help but let out a loud laugh of hysteria at the question, despite knowing that he probably sounded like someone on the brink of insanity. His reaction sent Sirius stumbling back and for a moment Remus thought he looked afraid.

"You're acting like a real prat." Sirius countered, trying hard to ignore the crazed look in Remus' eye. His comment only made Remus laugh more with bitterness.

"I'm the prat…" He mumbled in amazement, looking at Sirius with a dubious expression. "_I'm_ not the one whose changed, Sirius. You go around calling every girl a bird now like some sort of Casanova while hexing your little brother with little more than an ounce of guilt about it!" Remus shoved his hand against Sirius' shoulder, forcing the other boy to take a large step back in order to keep his balance.

"_I don't even know who you are anymore_!" Remus cried at him, his heart ready to burst out of his chest.

"I'm your friend." Sirius replied in a small voice, staring back at him in bewilderment.

"My _friend_?" Remus asked sarcastically, scoffing at the very idea of Sirius' behavior this year as being anything friend worthy. "You know what?" Remus asked, stepping closer to him while shrugging his shoulders in defeat. "Don't bother anymore then."

Before Sirius could utter another word, Remus turned and decided to try and find the one person he might still be able to salvage his friendship with.

* * *

*Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

**A/N:**

**Please review :-) **


	11. Fifth Year - Part Three

**Fifth Year – Part Three**

* * *

Remus sat in the far corner of the Common room, a blanket thrown over himself in order to keep warm. It was late, well past midnight, but he couldn't bear to go upstairs into the dorm room yet. He had contemplated sleeping down here, believing the discomfort of the couch he lounged on was a fitting trade off for not having to sleep in the same room as Sirius Black.

All day Remus had refused to talk to him, making himself scarce around their usual hang out spots all the while trying to find Lily and apologize. The girl seemed to be even better than he was at making himself unnoticed if need be. Anytime he'd caught her red hair in the Great Hall or before an OWL exam, she had thrown daggers his way, warning him not to approach her. Remus couldn't blame her, considering he had been giving the exact same looks to James and Sirius any time one of them seemed on the brink of coming up to him.

He frowned as his thoughts unwillingly turned to his dorm mates. He couldn't help but wonder if Sirius was awake too, thinking similar things of regret and practicing a speech of apology. Remus couldn't help but hope so.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw a flash of white from across the room. He instantly recognized the red head, still in her night robe, and making her way across the common room. For a moment, Remus thought that she might be coming down to see him, having somehow known that he'd be down there, but instead of walking towards the corner he was well hidden in, she headed straight for the portal door. He watched with curiosity as she opened it and proceeded to step through, leaving the door still ajar. Remus sat still for a moment, wondering what she could possibly be doing when he heard voices come from where Lily had just took off to.

*"I'm sorry!" a muffled cry pleaded.

Remus heard a mumbled reply from Lily, not able to make out what it was because of the distance. Curiosity gaining the better of him, Remus began to stand up and quietly tiptoe nearer to the opening in order to hear better.

"I've made excuses for you for years," He heard Lily say as he stepped closer, "None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-"

There was a short pause were he heard a gasp of frustration and shuffling of feet.

"You see!," Lily continued, "You don't even deny it! I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen you're way and I've chosen mine."

"No- listen, I didn't mean-" came a boy's voice, someone Remus now knew had to be Snape.

"To call me a Mudblood?" Lily stopped him, "But you call everyone of my birth a Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

There was a silence and Remus wondered if the two of them had moved further into the hall to talk, but before Remus had a chance to move any closer in order to see, Lily stepped back into the Common Room and quickly shut the door behind her with a loud bang. Silence echoed against the walls as he watched her stand still for a moment, breathing out a shaky breath as she clenched her fists. Suddenly, as if changing her mind, Lily whipped back around towards the door and reached out her hand for the handle. As soon as her fingers gripped the knob though, she paused again, looking intently at her own extended arm. With one final decision, she let the handle go, letting her arm fall loosely to her side and stared unblinkingly at the closed door in front of her.

Silently, she took a step closer and gently leaned her forehead against the wooden frame before letting out harsh sob.

Remus fidgeted awkwardly, knowing he was crossing a very bold line of privacy. Unsure of what to do, he tried to weigh his options. He could either try to silently move away and hope that Lily wouldn't notice him, or admit to his presence. Something didn't feel quite right about leaving her alone and wounded like this, so Remus decided to act the Gryffindor and fess up.

"Lily." He said quietly, trying to not startle her.

She jumped anyway, quickly picking herself off the door and wiping frantically at her cheek before looking over at him. Her expression instantly angered when she saw who it was.

"Go _away_, Remus." She said bitterly, rolling her eyes.

She took a few steps away from the door, looking as if she was heading back up into her room, but then stopped and plopped herself onto a couch. She buried her head in her hands and let out another loud cry.

Remus stood for a moment, looking at her with a saddening expression, not sure if she had really meant what she told him. Using his instinct, he very slowly began moving towards the couch and as gently as he could, sat down next to her. Lily only continued to cry into herself, ignoring Remus' movement. Feeling encouraged, he moved his arm slowly until it hung loosely around her shoulder, patting her gently across the back. As soon as he did so, Lily quickly turned into him and, throwing all reservations away, buried her face into his shoulder.

"You were right, okay?" She wailed into him. "Happy now?"

"No." Remus replied simply, allowing his arm to grip around her tighter. "Not at all actually."

Remus got a loud muffle of sobs in reply and he delicately rubbed his hand against her back, letting her know that he understood. The tears began to soak through his robes as Lily continued to let go of all the emotions he was sure she had pent up for years. He could tell that she was still trying to keep her sobs to a minimum but was failing miserably at it. They sat there for a while, Remus attempting to comfort her as Lily attempted to control her weeping. After her cries seemed to quiet down, Remus cleared his throat, trying to remember the apology he'd been preparing all day.

"Lily," He finally said, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."

Hearing his words Lily slowly turned upwards, taking her time to remove her head from his shoulder and sit upright. Her nose was still running and had turned a bright shade of red. Her eyes were worn and bloodshot from the tears.

"You were right too," Remus continued, taking his time to get his words right. "I was such a coward. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you as a friend."

Lily blinked back at him for a moment before a small smile began forming on her face. She sniffed loudly and used her sleeve to very ungracefully wipe away any remaining tears and snot.

"Honest?" She asked wide-eyed.

"Honest." Remus replied with a reassuring grin.

Looking as if she was about to begin crying all over again, Lily quickly flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Remus smiled with relief, letting his hands easily wrap around her small frame. Out of pure happiness he squeezed her tightly for an instant before relaxing his hold on her again. He heard her giggle softly at the gesture and Remus found himself smiling, beyond grateful that she had forgiven him. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle loosing another close friend in such a short amount of time.

"I love you, Lily." He said without hesitation, knowing that this was not a moment to be shy. Lily had told him long ago how much she cherished their friendship and Remus was finally going to be brave enough to share the same information. She deserved it, especially now.

He heard her laugh lightly before pulling away from him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I know." She said simply and smiled back at him.

"And here I thought I was being discreet." He grinned, priding himself by making Lily smile even wider.

There was a comfortable silence as the two of them sat quietly next to each other, neither needing to explain anything further, both understanding.

"I suppose we should head to sleep," Lily finally said, beginning to stand up.

"S'ppose so." He replied, standing up too.

They fell in step next to each other as they began walking in silence towards the stairwell. Remus saw Lily tossed one last look back at the portal hole right before they reached the base of the stairs.

"You're too good for him." He said quickly and Lily turned to him, giving him a heartfelt smile.

"Thanks, Remus." She said quietly and then turned away, slowly making her way up into the girl dormitories.

**XxxxX **

Sirius turned over frantically in his bed, grabbing his pillow and covering it over his ears, blocking out the imaginary and annoying voices of guilt that had been plaguing him all night.

_You ruined your friendship with him._

_Never wants to speak to you again. _

_Thinks you're as bad as any other Black._

"No!" Sirius whispered into the night air, sitting up suddenly and throwing his pillow away from him. He watched as it flew past the closed curtains of his four-poster and heard it land with a soft plop onto the dorm room floor. His heart pounded and he struggled to inhale properly, his breathe heavy with worry.

"I didn't do anything wrong." He told himself for the millionth time.

Snape was scum, an insane purist who had everything coming to him. Remus had only overreacted because the full moon was tomorrow night. It's nothing more then one of their usual silly arguments. Remus will apologize in the morning and Sirius will give him a clap on the back, forgiving him instantly.

Somehow the reassuring thoughts did nothing to ease the anxiousness Sirius felt. In fact his stomach seemed to turn into knots as he thought back to earlier in the day, remembering the way Remus had looked at him in the yard, yelling at Sirius that he wasn't a friend.

_It's not true. I became an Animagus for him. He'll remember that and then everything will be fine again._

He grimaced, not able to believe his own assurances.

Remus had gotten _angry_ and Remus never got angry. He got irritated and sometimes resentful, often choosing to snap back at perpetrators with sarcastic words that went over their heads, but never had Sirius ever seen him yell. It was as odd as the idea of Dumbledore screaming profanities. Impossible. Yet the lanky boy _had_ gotten angry, at him. Sirius couldn't deny that part no matter how much he wanted to.

He reached his hand over to his drawn curtain, pulling it back slightly and peered over at Remus' bed. He frowned, seeing the curtains still open, bed sheets still neatly made, and no werewolf in sight.

_Did he plan to stay in the Common Room all night?_

Sirius flopped himself back onto his bed, not wanting to think about it any more. It was starting to give him a headache. He turned over, wrapped himself tightly in his blanket, and closed his eyes shut. Warding off any lingering memories and thoughts of Remus, Sirius strictly told himself to go to sleep and stop worrying about it. Remus always forgave him. Always.

Not a minute passed before Sirius grunted in frustration, throwing his blanket off of him and quickly moving to get out of his bed.

_Fine._ He thought angrily, fumbling to find his slippers from underneath his bed. _If he's not coming up, then I'm going down. _

Unable to see exactly where his slippers were hiding, Sirius turned to grab his wand from his nightstand.

"Lumos!" He grumbled at it a bit too loud.

He quickly kneeled down, grabbing his slippers and begrudgingly put them on before making his way to the door. Just as he reached the handle, he paused, an ounce of insecurity hitting him.

Perhaps Remus would turn him away.

He shook his head, forcing the thoughts away.

_Nonsense. That's just not who Remus is._

Quietly, he opened the door, his wand still lit and began to slowly make his way down the stairs into the Common Room. Just as he had hit the fourth step down he heard an exchange of voices and what he thought sounded a lot like sobbing. He paused, wondering if perhaps other rebellious students had wandered downstairs tonight. Slowly, he inched his way down another two steps, just enough so that he had a full view of the Common Room.

His heart stopped as he saw whom the voices belonged to. There, a little ways to the right of him, on the couch nearest the portal door, sat Remus and Lily Evans. The red haired girl had Remus in a tight hug, clinging to him while her face was buried into his neck. Remus was smiling, delicately holding onto her and stroking his hand back and forth along her back in comfort.

Sirius stood still, staring at them. A tight, sickening feeling gripped at him while his hand involuntarily found the banister and grasped at it firmly, supporting himself as his knees suddenly became weak.

"I love you, Lily."

He felt the blood drain from his face as the breath he'd been holding in released itself in a ragged exhale.

_No._

As fast as he could he turned around and bolted straight back up the stairs, his breathe wheezing despite the short distance it took to reach the dorm room.

_No. No. No._

He fumbled with the handle in a confused panic. Once he'd finally managed to turn it, he threw himself inside the room, quickly shutting it behind him and slamming his back against the door for support.

He knew. He _always bloody knew_ and yet this fact did nothing to calm him. He closed his eyes in earnest, trying to erase what he'd just seen, what he'd just heard. His chest heaved with every intake of air and he brought a hand to his eyes, covering them with his palm as if it would help block out the memory. He felt a wetness against his fingers and he shot up, removing himself from against the door, and gripping his lit wand tightly.

He would _not_ cry.

Out of anger and misery, he pointed his wand and cast one of his Quiddich broom models, that had been idly sitting on his dresser, against the wall. The small wooden toy broke into pieces as it slammed into a calendar hanging on Remus' side of the room, causing splinters of wood to shatter along the floor. He heard Peter shuffle in his sleep from the noise but Sirius couldn't have cared less.

_Remus was in love with Lily Evans._

Comforting her, as if she was some sort of weak maiden needing a knight in shining armor to rescue her from the mocking words of Slytherins.

Sirius scoffed with rage, kicking at the floor and thinking how ridiculous that sounded. Lily Evans, weak. _Right._ Sirius was sure she had planned it all; luring Remus with tears to hold her, claiming that Snape's words had actually offended her. Sirius knew better, having taunted the girl for years. Nothing fazed her and Remus had fallen entirely into her trap.

_Because he's in love with her._

Sirius pointed his wand again, throwing another model against the same spot on the wall. When that didn't satisfy him, he threw another and another, until all his models lay splayed out on the floor in front of him.

"What's going on?" came a sleepy voice that Sirius assumed had to be Peter. James never woke up for anything.

"Go to sleep!" Sirius snapped back.

He heard a whimper of a reply and a shuffle of curtains and sheets before silence echoed in the room again. Sirius sat himself on the bed, seething with rage.

Mad at _him_.

Calling _him_ a rubbish friend and then going to confess his love for Evans.

And _why_?

Because he'd pulled a prank on Severus Snape?

Remus was going to let a _Slytherin_, a dark arts fanatic who didn't deserve a second thought, ruin their friendship? It was mad!

Sirius grit his teeth in pure resentment. He'd never hated Snape more.

_It's all his fault. _

Remus would've never went to Lily, never screamed at Sirius, had Snape just joined the Death Eaters already and died for all he cared. It'd put all of them out of their misery, Sirius thought bitterly.

He turned his head upwards, willing himself not to cry. As he looked up his eyes glanced at the calendar that had attempted to cushion the models Sirius had thrown at it. A giant black mark circled tomorrow's date, a moon drawn in the center of it.

Sirius paused, his blood suddenly cooling as a thought came to him. A very small and dangerous thought, something he never should have considered. But now that the idea had emerged inside of him, he couldn't seem to shake it away, thinking it more brilliant as the moments passed.

Snape had always wanted to know, hadn't he?, Sirius thought wickedly.

A slow devious smile made it's way across his face and his eyes slit into lines as he continued to stare at the calendar in front of him.

**XxxxX **

Pain.

That's all Remus could seem to feel; achy, horrible pain. His whole body seemed to be fighting against him, imploring him to never wake up and continue sleeping. In what seemed miles away, he could hear the pattern of shoes clicking on the ground, pacing, growing louder as they moved closer to him and then softer again as they moved away. He listened to their beat, trying to concentrate on it instead of on the sharp agony that burned at his skin. With all the energy he could muster, he flitted his eyes open, groaning as the bright lights of the Infirmary hit him.

"Remus?" a strained voice asked.

He grimaced before trying to turn his head to see who was speaking to him. A blur of red finally came into focus and Remus saw Lily, hovering anxiously above him, her eyes looking as bloodshot as they had the night before.

"Oh, Remus…" She trailed, a worrying look on her face. He felt her hand tightly grasp his own and Remus tried to slowly move to sit upright.

"Don't!" Lily had started, but Remus, not quite in the right of mind yet, forced his body to move with him, causing a streak of pain to shoot up through his back. He muffled a short cry and Lily fumbled to help him upright. As she guided him to lean against the headboard, Remus closed his eyes for a moment trying to remember what was going on.

_Full Moon, _His mind suddenly clicked.

His eyes shot open again, staring at Lily and wondering in a frenzy how she'd known to find him here.

"Lily-" He began to question her, but she cut him off with a small whimper.

"Why didn't you tell me Remus, why?" She pleaded. "I could've stopped him maybe."

"What?" Remus replied in a rasp. His crinkled his eyebrows, trying hard to understand what she was saying. "What are you talking about?" he asked again. He was in too much pain and still too tired to play this game.

She stared back at him, her hands fidgeting and playing with themselves in front of her as her face scrunched up. An agonizing silence pulled between the two of them as Remus tried to pull together the pieces of last night.

"Did something," Remus stopped short and swallowed suddenly, remember a face "happen…?" he finished in barely a whisper.

All of a sudden, he saw it. The hatch, opening right as his transformation had begun taking effect, revealing a terrified face that did not belong to any of the usual visitors of the Shrieking Shack.

"Severus." Remus said aloud, horrified. A chill crept down his neck as a wave of goose bumps covered his whole body. Lily let out a loud sob, clinging even tighter to his hand and he knew he was right.

"Did I?," He asked hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. "I didn't,… did I?" His throat scratched with every word.

His eyes looked back at her expectantly, begging her for the truth. He felt his entire body go numb as he racked his brain during the few seconds it took her to reply.

"James," Lily said quickly, her tired eyes opened wide, as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "He saved him, Remus. Somehow. Snape came running to me afterwards in a panic, telling me everything."

"But _how_?" Remus croaked, stammering to get the words out, "How did Snape know?" A hysteria seemed to slowly be working it's way up in him, his pain forgotten with the alarm now taking hold of him.

"Sirius." Lily said, her voice dripping with contempt.

Remus turned up at her, not sure he'd heard her correctly.

"He told him _exactly_ where to go," she continued, letting her hand fall away from his and folding her arms across her chest. "They're all in Dumbledore's office now, making sure that Severus won't tell anyone."

Remus could only stare back at her, the words not fully registering with him.

_Sirius?_

"No." He said sternly, shaking his head in earnest. "It couldn't have been Sirius."

Lily's face fell, looking at him with sudden pity as her arms relaxed by her sides.

"Remus," she said softly, reaching her hand out to touch his again.

He quickly snatched his arm away, not allowing her to touch him. She dropped her outstretched hand in surprise, looking hurt.

He should've apologized but he couldn't focus, there was too much information, too much to sort out. He felt his breathing beginning to increase and he closed his eyes again, desperate to calm himself down.

_It wasn't Sirius. It wasn't Sirius_, he repeated in his head over and over again, urging himself to believe it.

"What are you doing here?" He heard Lily say angrily.

He opened his eyes, looking across the room and found two disheveled looking boys standing near the edge of his bed. He watched as James moved an inch closer, warily moving his eyes back and forth from Lily to Remus, obviously nervous. Remus vaguely noticed that he was holding something in his hand, chocolate, he thought, but Remus was too concentrated on Sirius too really care. The black haired boy was slouched, a strange position for him, and was staring fixedly at the ground. His hands were clenching and unclenching themselves in a rhythmic pattern, his knuckles turning white with every hold. Remus stared at him, waiting for him to look up so that Sirius could tell him that everything Lily had said was a lie, a bad joke.

He stared and waited for what seemed like centuries, but Sirius never moved. He just stood there, slumped over and looking ashamed.

_Looking guilty. _

A horrible thick pain ached at Remus as he realized the truth.

Sirius had told.

"_Get out_." A cold voice said. It took Remus a second to realize it'd been him.

Sirius finally looked up then, his eyes full of grief and worry.

"Remus-"

"Get out!" He heard himself shout again. He couldn't hear this. He didn't _want_ to hear this. The excuses, the explanation, the apologies, none of it.

"I'm so sorry!" Sirius cried, making to move forward, but James' hand stopped him short. "I just… it was Snape and he had gotten me so angry! I didn't think. I'm-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Remus screamed at him. He felt his blood boiling over, his body turning hot from the anger. His cuts and scratches from last night were burning under his bandages. His eyes were blurring, his body tensing and Remus couldn't concentrate on the people around him any longer. His consciousness seemed to slip away as a different part of him started emerging.

"I think you should leave." He heard Lily's voice say.

"Moony, I'm so sorry"

Remus didn't know if it was because he used the nickname or the repetitive apology that so obviously meant nothing, but something inside of him snapped and before he knew it he had sprung out of his bed, bandages flying, and grappled Sirius to the floor in a whirl of rage. He heard sobs and screams, hands pulling at him, but Remus could only think of one thing; how much he wanted Sirius to hurt. Hurt like he'd hurt him. Wherever Remus could, he flung at him, fists hitting the body beneath him as hard a possible and despite it not seeming to fight back or even protect itself from his blows, Remus couldn't stop.

"Remus, NO!" Lily cried. He felt her arms wrap around his torso, desperately trying to pull him off. "Stop it!"

He heard James grunting, his hands attempting to grab onto Remus' shoulder in order to pull him back. Eventually he succeeded and Remus was thrown off Sirius, stumbling back into the edge of the bed. Lily came to his side immediately, using herself as a barrier between him and Sirius. Fear was in her eyes as she looked him over.

"Merlin," She gasped, "Look what you've done…"

He looked down, realizing that most of his bandages had been torn away and his cuts had all reopened, beginning to bleed again. James, hovering over Sirius, gently began helping him up and Remus saw blood, but he wasn't sure if was because of his own open wounds or if he had honestly hit Sirius that hard. Just as Sirius stood up with James' arm wrapped around his shoulder, Remus turned away, not wanting to see his face. He felt Lily's wand already beginning to heal the wounds on his back as he heard the other two boys begin shuffling out of the room. As they reached the opening of the door, Remus heard Sirius say something to James, too softly for Remus to catch.

"I know, mate. I know." James replied. And then they were gone.

Remus' heart slowed down as the pain he'd caused his body finally began to register. He collapsed onto the bed, feeling his eyes close before he could help himself.

* * *

*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	12. Fifth Year - Part Four

**Fifth Year – Part Four**

* * *

The dorm room was dark, eerily quiet as Sirius stared up at the canopy above his bed. His arms were folded neatly across his stomach, frozen there against him as he laid thinking. Tonight was the fifth day of Remus having disappeared from Hogwarts' grounds and Sirius found himself growing number as the nights passed without his companion's presence. He tilted his head slightly, looking past his open curtains and eyed Remus' bed. All signs of the young boy ever living there had disappeared right along with him.

The day after the incident, James and Peter had attempted to enter the Infirmary to visit Remus after classes, only to find the bed empty and their questions about Remus' whereabouts ignored by Madame Pomfrey. The three of them had assumed that he might've moved to St. Mungo's since his injuries had been so bad, but when the elves came for his things not three days later Sirius' heart had plummeted.

The house elves had explained that the items were being shipped to Remus' house in the countryside. Sirius had run from the room then, bolting through the common room and searching for Professor McGonagall for an explanation. When he finally found her, she briskly told him that Remus had withdrawn from Hogwarts for an undisclosed amount of time. Sirius remembered her face being completely void of any pity as she closed her office door on his face.

Reluctantly, Sirius turned his head back to the canopy, a heavy sadness pushing down on his chest. Normally, when Sirius was this distraught about something, the werewolf was the only person he could turn to, but Sirius had gone to strenuous lengths to make sure that never would happen again, hadn't he?

A stinging sensation moved along his eyes and Sirius lifted his palms up and against them, willing it away. He hadn't the right to cry. _Everything_ had been his fault. He'd been so bloody stupid and now he could barely stand looking at his reflection in the mirror, hating himself more than he'd ever hated Snape.

Not sure he'd be able to hold back his tears with his palms alone, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, throwing his legs over the bed and breathed in deeply. He needed to get out of the room, away from everything and himself if possible. He scrambled out of bed and headed towards James' trunk. As quietly as he could, he fished out the invisibility cloak and Marauder's Map, closing the latch slowly behind him. Creating as little noise as possible, he tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs into the common room. Once he reached the portal door, he pulled out the map.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." He whispered at it, just as Remus had taught them.

The blank page quickly filled itself with the grounds of Hogwarts. Sirius had only really been planning to escape to the Astronomy tower for a few moments to think, but when he saw a name walking along one of the halls on the fifth floor he quickly changed his mind.

_Dumbledore. _

If anyone could tell him about where Remus was, he could. Knowing he'd have to hurry in order to catch up with the Headmaster, Sirius rolled up the map and threw the cloak around him.

Several minutes later and panting breathlessly, Sirius finally saw the older wizard calmly strolling the third floor hall ahead of him. He stopped running and stared at the retreating form in front of him. Dumbledore was taking light steps, his hands clasped behind his back as his robes billowed gently behind him from the movement. Sirius exhaled sharply, his nerves catching up with him. The last time he'd seen Dumbledore was in his office a week ago, the day he'd ratted out Remus' condition. It had not been a pleasant visit and Sirius was sure the Headmaster held some contempt for him. It was obvious Remus had been one of his favorite students, taking time to talk with him on a regular basis through the halls. It wasn't often the Headmaster could be seen openly conversing with a student, yet Remus had seemed to be an extraordinary exception. Sirius sighed, suddenly not sure if Dumbledore would even be willing to speak with him.

There didn't seem to be any harm in at least trying. How could anyone hate him more?

With one last sigh and shake of encouragement, Sirius began moving forward again, briskly walking the remaining length of the hall in order to talk with Dumbledore. As soon as Sirius had reached the man's heels, the Headmaster stopped abruptly and turned to face the wall, forcing Sirius to skid to a halt.

"Licorice Snaps." The Headmaster said, staring at a statue in front of him.

As the gargoyle began to move, Sirius realized that he'd followed Dumbledore straight to his office. The Headmaster slowly began walking up the stairs and without thinking, Sirius bustled in after him before the statue replaced itself. As the two of them ascended the stairs, Sirius began thinking up ways he could explain to Dumbledore that he'd somehow managed to break into his office and stalk him in order to ask questions about a friend he'd just betrayed.

He was definitely going to get detention for this.

When they reached the top of the stairwell and entered into the small room, Sirius watched Dumbledore go straight to his chair at the far end, greeting his Phoenix along the way and feeding it a small candy before sitting down. Sirius stayed stiffly near the stairs, thinking he might be able to escape easily if necessary. His eyes danced around the colorful room, glancing at the portraits of Headmasters pass. He'd only been in this room twice before; once at the very beginning of his first year and the second, last week. Both times he'd been too nervous to ever notice the ridiculous amount of trinkets Dumbledore seemed to collect. He let his eyes carefully examine them, temporarily forgetting his reasons of being there in the first place.

"So," Dumbledore's voice spoke. "Are you here to simple admire my decorations or is there something you wanted to see me about?"

Sirius froze as he eyed the Headmaster, hoping to Merlin that he'd imagined the older wizard talking to him.

But Dumbledore was staring straight at him, his hands folded together atop his desk, making it clear that he was speaking to Sirius. Sirius felt a panic in him rise up, unable to comprehend how the Headmaster had possibly seen through the cloak. Feeling as though there was no more use in keeping himself hidden, Sirius slowly took it off, bundling it up in his hands, and eyed Dumbledore back nervously.

"Ah," The Headmaster said, looking at him up and down. "Mr. Black, would you like to have a seat or do you prefer standing by the door?"

Sirius, still confused about how Dumbledore had seen him, hastily moved into the nearest chair facing the older wizard's desk. He sat down, taking care to not look the Headmaster in the eye and trying to come up with a reasonable excuse for his intrusion. The older wizard made no noise as he stared down at Sirius, waiting for an explanation. Unfortunately, nothing immediate came to Sirius' mind and he shifted uncomfortably, feeling as if he had transformed back into his twelve-year-old self.

"I assume you are here about Remus Lupin," Dumbledore finally said, giving up on Sirius starting the conversation.

Sirius meekly nodded his head in agreement. He noted a tinge of coldness in Dumbledore's voice as he spoke to him.

"I just want to know where he is," Sirius said quietly, "and when he's coming back."

Dumbledore sighed softly, letting his body relax into his chair and peered at Sirius with a concerned look.

"Remus has been taken out of Hogwarts," He replied after a moment of reflection. "He does not plan on attending it any longer. His parents sent for his things only a few days ago as I'm sure you are aware."

Sirius gaped at the man in front of him.

"You mean, he's not coming back…_ever_?" Sirius asked.

"I'm afraid despite my assurances, Mr. Lupin does not feel safe here any longer."

"But," Sirius tried, feeling his face drain of blood. He'd thought Remus might disappear for the rest of the year, but to drop out of Hogwarts _permanently_, he'd never even considered it. "But you have to talk to his parents! You have to make them bring him back!" Sirius cried suddenly. He stood out of his chair and began pacing in front of Dumbledore's desk. "He's the best wizard in our year!"

"I think you are confused, Mr. Black," Dumbledore interrupted him calmly. "It is not Remus' parents who insisted on taking Remus home, it was Remus himself who decided to leave. It was entirely his choice."

Sirius stopped his pace and looked up at the Headmaster with glistening eyes.

"But," Sirius tried again, his voice cracking. "That's…he's only punishing himself that way, not me."

Dumbledore looked at him, his eyebrows perking up above his glasses as he tilted his head in curiosity. He studied Sirius, as if for the first time and Sirius swore he saw the old man's mouth twitch up into a small smile before it came back down into a fine line again.

"I," Sirius tried, but he knew if he talked any more he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears. Something about crying in front of the Headmaster was remarkably unappealing. He closed his mouth and looked back at Dumbledore solemnly, not sure of what to say. A chilling silence moved between the two of them, Dumbledore still studying him and Sirius trying to keep his tears back. After a moment, Sirius finally took a step away in order to leave, knowing he wouldn't get any more information or help out of the old man.

"Mr. Black," Dumbledore called out softly. Sirius stopped and turned around to face him, the cloak hanging loosely from his hands. "Perhaps if you want your friend back so badly, you might consider doing something to level out the pain you've caused him."

"Yes sir," Sirius agreed sadly, forcing himself to meet the wizard's eyes. "but what can possibly compare with what I've done?"

Dumbledore only stared back at him, giving no answer and Sirius, feeling as though the entire world was crushing down around him, turned to descend the stairs and make his way back into the dormitories.

When Sirius finally made it back to his room, he shut the door and threw the cloak off of himself, not caring where it landed. He looked at Remus' empty bed straight in front of him, his arms slumped at his sides. He stared at it, thinking of what Dumbledore had told him, that the bed may never again be filled with the tawny haired boy again. The tears already started to roll down Sirius' face as he began making his way slowly towards it. He sat himself roughly down on the duvet, quickly pulling the curtains closed and casting a silencing charm on them before letting out retched cry.

He didn't care if he deserved to cry or not, if he was acting childish by letting his tears flow freely instead of bottling them up inside like a boy his age was suppose to. He didn't care what anyone thought any more; if they thought he was gay, straight, stark crazy, or obsessed with his best friend. He couldn't care less because nothing was worth loosing Remus, _nothing_. He'd given up enough in the name of normalcy.

He'd never been normal and thinking back, he'd no idea why he ever tried to be. He wouldn't deny or care about the fact that he'd fallen in love with his best friend any more, because now, he suddenly realized that's exactly what had happened. He hadn't told Snape because he wanted to kill or punish him. He told because he'd been jealous and angry, angry that his love was so clearly unrequited. But he promised,_ begged_ the curtains in front of him as he cried, that if Remus returned, he wouldn't care about that either.

Sirius inhaled sharply, choking on his sobs momentarily before turning his head into the pillows. The linens still held a faint trace of Remus' scent in them; chocolate, Sirius thought and the idea only made him let out a groan of remorse.

_I love him, _Sirius thought, making his tears stream even faster. _And he hates me now._

Remus had been kind, comforting, and a wonderful friend, so much so that Sirius had fallen for him. And as a means of repercussion for Remus' generosity, Sirius had decided to ruin the other boy's life.

It was nonsensical.

_It was unforgivable. _

Sirius clutched his body tightly, wrapping it up in a fetal position, and tried to subdue the overwhelming shame he felt. He continued wiping feverishly at his eyes as all thoughts traced back to Remus; his smile, his laugh, his eyes. All the things Sirius might not ever see again. Without wanting to, Sirius eventually found his eyes closing, the word 'love' repeating itself over and over again in his head as his sobs turned into light breathing.

**XxxxX**

Despite James and Peter still talking with him, Sirius was painfully aware of the unspoken contempt they held against him. He had single handedly split up the Marauders. He understood their unforgiving glances, since he wasn't sure he'd ever forgive himself either. He'd never heard James scream at him so viciously as the moment that he found out who Sirius told. Even after, before entering Dumbledore's office, James' wrath was something obscene. His words had been hurtful, demeaning, and Sirius could only shrink away from them, having no excuse for something he finally realized was the worse mistake of his life. It had only been after, when they'd seen Remus in the Infirmary, that James calmed down and began taking some sort of pity on him. He must have concluded that Remus' punishment had been quite enough. Yet even though James obviously strained himself by being civil towards him, Sirius knew he had broken something between them; _all_ of them and he wasn't sure if he could fix it or not. Looking over at Remus' empty seat at the dining table, Sirius thought not.

He'd just told the other two Marauders as they sat down for breakfast, what Dumbledore had informed him of last night. James and Peter stared back at him in disbelief, the words "this is all your fault" at the tips of both of their tongues. Sirius fumbled with his food in order to avoid their expressions and he heard James take a large swig of his juice before letting out a loud sigh of frustration.

"Well," James said, clearing his throat. "What are we going to do about it then?"

Sirius and Peter perked their heads up, looking back at him.

"What _can_ we do?" Peter asked bitterly, stabbing his fork into his eggs. "Remus doesn't want anything to do with us anymore." His eyes flitted to Sirius angrily before shoving the food into his mouth.

"Just because he doesn't want to be our friends doesn't mean he has to quit Hogwarts." James retaliated, looking annoyed at Peter's dismal outlook. "We all know that Hogwarts is his best chance at ever getting a job in the future, if he gives this up, he gives up everything."

Sirius tore off a piece of his toast, slowly bringing it into his mouth. The bread, normally full of rich flavor, tasted bland against his tongue. He forced himself to swallow it nonetheless.

"James, Remus isn't going to come back, no matter what we do." Sirius said sadly. "You know how closed off he is normally, this has only made him more so."

"Well I wonder why that is." James snapped back, slamming his cup against the table. Sirius winced, trying not to take offence and ripped off another piece of toast, shoving it into his mouth.

James sighed, throwing a hand into his hair and tried to calm himself.

"The point is we can't give up," He replied after a moment. "Remus is worth more than us just sitting by idly while he ruins what little chance he has left at a normal life."

Sirius gulped his bread down as Peter and him exchanged skeptical glances. Remus was probably the most secluded person they'd ever met and it had taken years to build up the trust Sirius had thrown away in one night. The possibility of rebuilding that relationship with the boy seemed futile. Even if it was for his own good, Sirius doubted that Remus would ever listen to their advice again.

"Potter's right." A small voice said.

All three boys turned to see Lily Evans staring glumly at her own plate, only a few seats down. She slowly dropped her fork and turned to look at them.

"Remus deserves more." She said quietly, looking between the three of them.

Sirius knew it was probably taking all of her willpower to acknowledge them. If James and Peter were mad, Lily had to be positively furious at him, probably straining herself to not kill him on the spot. He grimaced thinking back to the conversation Remus and her had secretly shared in common room. Glancing at the woeful look in her eyes, Sirius knew that she must have reciprocated Remus' feelings.

_Who wouldn't?_

"He hasn't answered any of my letters." Lily continued teary eyed. She sniffed lightly, trying not to allow herself to cry. Sirius watched as James removed a napkin from the table and reached over to hand it to her. She paused, looking at him with surprise before gripping it and bringing it up to her nose.

"Thank you." She said in barely a whisper.

After bringing the tissue down, she cautiously scooted closer to them.

"We'll have a better chance at convincing him if we work together." She said as an explanation for joining them. "Potter, did you have something in mind?"

James looked over at her seriously, his mouth forming into a thin line as if in thought.

"Honestly, I've no idea." He replied after a moment. Lily nodded her head in bleak understanding. She turned to eye Sirius and Peter, silently implying the same question.

Sirius shrugged in response.

"If he's not talking to you," He said, "He's certainly not going to talk to me."

"What if we sent a Howler?" Peter chimed in. "He's probably not even opening your letters Lily, shutting himself off from everyone and whatnot. He's good at that you know."

"But what would we even say?" James asked, looking intrigued.

"The truth." Lily answered him bluntly, sincerely considering Peter's suggestion. "We'll tell him he's making a mistake and needs to come back." She turned to look at Sirius who was still eyeing his food. "You can tell him how sorry you are." She added, a small edge to her voice.

"He doesn't want to hear an apology from me, Evans." Sirius replied, nervous as to not make the girl next to him angry. "He hates me." Sirius stated truthfully.

"Maybe so, but you still have to do it." The red head implored. "Our words won't be enough."

There was a moment of silence as the four of them contemplated their idea, each staring off in separate directions, deep in thought.

"Remus has already missed three OWL exams." Lily voiced whimsically, almost to herself.

James and Peter both looked over at Sirius with stern expressions.

"Who knows the charm for a Howler?" Sirius asked.

**XxxxX**

Remus was sitting on his bed, staring out his window. He'd been doing quite a lot of that lately; staring and thinking. He tried hard to think about nothing in particular, carefully keeping his thoughts away from a certain group of friends still far away in a school he didn't want to remember. But as much as he urged himself to divert his thoughts from the events that had taken place a week before, Remus found his mind hopelessly caught up in them anyway.

Sirius Black was like a plague; haunting him and making Remus hate himself for thinking about the black haired boy so much. So much bothered him about what happen that Remus couldn't even begin to separate the different levels of betrayal and hurt Black had caused. Yet all of them seemed to merge into one ultimate question that gnawed at him the most.

_Why?_

No answer was ever satisfying enough, even though Remus ran through scenes in his head over and over again, trying to piece together _why_ Sirius would ever do such a thing. There was a part of him that still wanted to deny it, find some sort of reasonable explanation. But a much stronger and prominent side of him was searching for all the signs Remus had missed along the way; all the times Sirius had displayed behavior that was as vicious as Remus now learned he truly was. Lily had recognized it for years and Remus had never listened to her. It made him mad with anger, thinking of that. He was so sore with himself for having put so much trust into one person, having naively thought that his secret could be safe to share. All he wanted to do now was to forget; forget any of it had ever happened. All five years, Remus wanted erased from his mind and he wondered several times if he could perform the Obliviate spell on himself. A rare smile crossed his face as he thought of all the memories he would erase.

_The first time he'd met Sirius_ – gone.

_The first time he'd confronted Sirius in the Great Hall_ – gone.

_Every single time Sirius had visited him in the hospital wing, along with the times he hadn't_- gone, gone gone.

Remus grinned bitterly.

_The time Remus had hugged him after learning about the Animagus. _

_The time Sirius had stuck up for him against Snape. _

_The time when Sirius had fallen asleep on Remus' shoulder and Remus, not wanting to wake him up, had decided to sleep in the common room also, resting his head against the black haired boy's and having one of the best sleeps of his life_.

Realizing he was now smiling for a completely different reason, Remus quickly stood up and tried to physically shake himself of all thoughts Sirius Black. Just as he did so, he noticed an owl headed straight for his window with a letter clutched tightly in it's claws.

_Lily_, Remus thought instantly.

The girl had been sending at least one letter a day, yet Remus couldn't bring himself to reply, or even open them. He'd take the letter each time and thrown it quickly away, not willing to let Lily's words convince him of returning. He had made up his mind and he was determined to stick to it. He knew it was cruel to cut her off so suddenly, but she was linked to a place he wanted to forget and he couldn't afford his only chance of escaping it by contacting her.

The owl gracefully swooped into his room, dropping the letter onto his nightstand before eyeing Remus coolly. It cocked it's head, as if asking Remus if he wanted to reply this time. When Remus only stared back, it perched itself back onto the window seal before taking flight again. Remus looked over at the letter solemnly, he sighed and began walking towards it in order to throw it away. Just as he was reaching for it, he stopped in surprise. The letter began moving on it's own, rattling loudly against his nightstand.

_A howler_, Remus recognized instantly. He couldn't help but smile to himself. Lily was a smart girl.

Knowing it'd be pointless to run, Remus quickly concluded that he'd have to listen to whatever Lily had wanted to say so badly. Perhaps he'd return her letter this time and explain himself.

The loud pop of the letter finally bursting apart had Remus jump back a step as Lily's voice rang through his room.

"Remus," she said, "Please don't be mad. You wouldn't answer any of my letters and I didn't know what to do. I miss you, Remus. We know you're not planning to come back and we had to try something."

Remus froze suddenly.

_We?_

"I know you're hurt, but running away from Hogwarts is a mistake and you know it. Besides, you can't leave me here alone. Who will be Head Boy with me now?" Remus heard a sniffle and a whimper before it continued.

"Please come back Remus." She said.

"See what you've done? You've made Lily cry." Came another voice that Remus recognized instantly. Remus plopped himself onto the bed in shock, realizing how much he suddenly missed James' friendly voice.

"Remus, I won't deny how wrong it was what happened, but I want you to know that I'm sorry, for everything."

"Me too!" came Peter's voice. Remus smiled, picturing the smaller boy jumping up and down behind James and trying to get his voice into the letter also.

"And Peter too," James added lightly. "We know you're angry and we know you probably never want to see us again, but honestly I don't want you to make a mistake by leaving Hogwarts. Dumbledore has somehow wrapped Snape around his finger about this and I'll make sure no one who already knows is kept quiet. You don't have to do this."

"We miss you." Remus heard Peter add.

"Yea, and we miss you." James repeated, sadness in his voice. "It's really not the same without you."

There was a silence and Remus figured the letter had ended. He sighed in relief. It hadn't been as bad as he thought.

"Moony," a voice suddenly said. Remus shot straight up out of the bed, his heart beating a million miles a minute. He looked over at the door, deciding if he could somehow outrun the letter.

"Don't run away." Sirius' voice boomed again. Remus began making a bee-line for the door, all rational disappearing. The letter quickly followed behind him, floating in the air.

"I was a prat." It said desperately as Remus reached for the door handle. "You were right about everything Remus; my brother, the girls, _me_."

He paused, fighting within himself to run away or stick his fingers in his ears in order to not hear that voice.

"I _had_ changed." Sirius continued, "I changed into a horrible person, someone the Blacks at home would be proud of I'm sure."

_Run_, Remus' mind echoed, but he couldn't seem to move, his body rigid as if Sirius' voice had some untold hold on him.

"But you still have a chance Remus. You're the best wizard I've ever known, not to mention the best friend I'd ever had. I know I ruined this, but… it doesn't mean that you have to ruin your own life because of it. I know that you don't want to do it for us, but then do it for yourself. I promise you that I'll stay away. You won't ever have to talk to me again and I deserve that. But you? You don't deserve any of this and Hogwarts _is_ where you belong despite what you might think. You need to come back…I-"

It paused.

"…We love you."

Remus heard the letter hit the floor with a thwack and he jumped slightly from the noise. He stared at his hand still placed onto the handle, his knuckles now turning white from the grip. It took a moment before he pried his hand free and shaking, turned to press his back against the door. With his weight against the wooden frame, Remus slowly slid his body down along the length of it until he felt the floor underneath him. He eyed the letter a few feet in front of him. It took only a minute more before he felt hot tears begin rolling down his face.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Please Review :-)**


	13. Fifth Year - Part Five

**Fifth Year – Part Five**

* * *

Sirius tossed in his bed again, throwing the blanket off of him for what had to be the sixth time that night. He knew he wouldn't be able to go to sleep, just like all of the other nights since Remus left. He wondered why he even tried anymore. His mind shifted quickly to the other boy, thinking of all the things he missed about him and pondering on whether Remus had received their letter or not yet.

_Of course he has, it's barely a day trip for an owl to travel there... _

He'd been so nervous while making it, thinking and re-thinking what he was going to say over and over again. Nothing ever seemed good enough, partially for the reason that no words _would_ ever be good enough and partially because he was rubbish at expressing himself, always had been. When the four of them had finally starting making it, Sirius had been shaking so badly that James had to put a hand on his shoulder in order to keep him steady. If that was how he acted just talking into a letter to Remus, Sirius couldn't imagine himself actually seeing the boy.

He'd meant every word he said though, that he was sure of. He'd leave Remus alone, never bothering him again as long as he returned. Within the small amount of time Remus had been gone, Sirius had seriously sat himself down, talking within his own head and perhaps sometimes out loud as well, making sure he understood what he needed to do if Remus ever, by the miracle of Merlin, decided to come back. Once he finally decided to truthfully face his feelings, it didn't taken him long to come to terms with what Remus was to him, and what he was _not, _or ever would be, to Remus. He could live with it, accept it for what it was and let Remus live on without him if that's what he chose. He was going to do it right this time; no jealousy, no resentment, no obscene dating to try and get over it, just be a friend if Remus ever wanted him to be and only that.

He grabbed at the blanket suddenly and wrapped himself up in it again, trying with difficulty to get some sort of sleep. While he lay there on his side, thinking of, once again, Remus' possible reaction to the letter, he heard a soft creak of a door opening. He froze as a shuffle of feet and small thump on the ground came from somewhere within the dorm room. Curiosity getting the best of him, Sirius quickly sat up and moved his curtains just enough so that he could peak through them, keeping himself concealed to whoever had disturbed his thoughts about Moony.

Light had pooled into the room from the hall, casting shadows against a thin looking boy that Sirius recognized instantly. His heart practically leapt out of his chest at the sight of the lanky frame. A larger man stood behind him outside the open door, not having stepped through the threshold.

"No doubt, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Black will have a surprise in the morning?" Sirius heard the familiar sound of the Headmaster's voice ask.

The boy standing inside the room made a grunt of agreement before Dumbledore began closing the door behind him.

"Goodnight Remus." He said, before shutting the door completely.

The room was cast into darkness once again and Sirius lost sight of Remus. He held his breath, his hand still frozen against the curtains, and listened for movement. His body tensed when he finally heard a sharp inhale of breath from where Remus had last been standing and then a few light footsteps into the room. He heard the other boy throw his belongings down near his old bed and then climb into it.

Sirius found his mind racing, his body still rigid with excitement and shock. He blinked at the darkness, for no reason other then to try and decipher if he was dreaming or not. He was so sure Remus would've never returned. It was so unlike the boy to change his stubborn mind. A glimmer of hope erupted in Sirius, thinking that perhaps it was_ his_ words that had finally convinced the boy. Maybe, Sirius dared to think, Remus had forgiven him.

"Keep your promise."

Sirius jumped as he snatched his hand back in alarm, the words having come just beyond the curtains. Lost in thought, he hadn't heard Remus walk up to his bed and he found his heart tightening at the idea of Remus being so unknowingly close to him. Before he could succumb his surprise and gather enough thoughts to reply though, he heard the sound of light steps quickly retreating away again. As his curtains continued to swish softly back into place, Sirius heard Remus' bed creak once again before only silence penetrated through the dorm room.

It took a moment for him to recover from the impact of Remus' cold phrase, but when he finally did he couldn't help but smile anyway.

_Remus came back. _

He took his time, dreamily sinking back into bed and pulling his blanket tightly over him with the thought.

_Thank you_, he mouthed silently to the curtains in front of him.

**XxxxX**

The common room was relatively loud and boisterous since most of the fifth year students were celebrating the end of OWL exmas. With only two more weeks of school left, everyone in Lily's year was getting ready to say goodbye and enjoy their last remaining days at Hogwarts before the summer began. The break from studying would've been much appreciated by Lily, considering she had overexerted herself these past few months, trying to ensure that she'd get O's on every last test. But instead of relaxing with the rest of the Gryffindors in her year, she was currently sitting down next to Remus, helping the other boy catch up on the examinations he'd missed.

She'd nearly fallen over when she saw Remus return two weeks ago, sitting alone quietly in the library and reading to himself as if he'd been there the whole time. She'd had to physically restrain herself not to tackle him to the ground with the biggest hug she'd ever given anyone and instead had simply sat down next to him with a giant smile on her face. Luckily for Remus, Dumbledore had made special arrangements for him to retake several of the tests he'd miss and Lily was all too happy to help him study for them. She knew Remus didn't need all that much help, but she was taking every opportunity to cling to his company. She'd missed him while he was gone, feeling as though the atmosphere in Hogwarts had turned cold without his playful smiles and sarcastic quips.

Now, as they sat together at one of the many common room tables studying, everything seemed to have returned back to normal.

Unfortunately, Lily knew better.

She picked her head up, eyeing the boy sitting across from her. By the looks of things, Remus seemed content returning to Hogwarts, easily settling back into the ritual of tedious study sessions and long nights in the library. He had the same studious face on he'd always had when thinking over particularly hard problems and his quill was tucked behind his ear as usual, ready for any necessary notes to be jotted down. But although Remus' demeanor appeared normal, Lily knew that the perplexed look on his face probably had nothing to do with OWL's. She'd only wish he'd talk to her about it, knowing that the small smiles he'd shared with her over the few weeks were only covering up the hurt he was really feeling.

Diverting from her thoughts temporarily, Lily sighed before glancing around at different groups of students strewn about the room. Across from her, Remus had his back facing away from the bustle, his reasoning being that he didn't want to get distracted by the commotion. Lily thought it was more likely due to the fact that Sirius was sitting on a couch in the middle of the room, shamelessly stealing glances at Remus' back the entire evening.

She leaned herself to one side, glancing over Remus' shoulder to see if the black-haired boy was still around. Sure enough, there he was; alone, with a book placed open in his lap as though he was reading it. His eyes betraying him as they darted back and forth between the pages and the corner where Remus and her sat.

Lily frowned, knitting her eyebrows in thought before turning her head back to the scrolls laid out in front of her.

As much as she still loathed Black and Potter for being rubbish people, they _had_ helped get Remus to come back and in a way redeemed themselves in her eyes for it. Well that, and the fact that Lily had finally learned of what the four of them had done for Remus' lycanthropy.

When Remus had returned, he'd sat Lily down with a serious expression, at first promising that he'd never hide anything from her again, and then proceeding to tell her about the Marauder's animagus forms as well as details about his lycanthropy. The information had her re-evaluating her thoughts on the four marauders. It was irksome to think that even Potter and Black had some redeeming qualities. It had almost become a religion hating them, faithfully counting on them to muck up whatever they do and cause her frustration at every turn. The worse part was now she was actually beginning to feel sorry for them.

All last week, Lily had noticed Black repeatedly trying to catch Remus' eyes with his own. She couldn't help but feel a smidge of pity for him, so bluntly out-casted from his friends. Potter, Peter, Black, and Remus, the four people Lily thought she'd never be able to separate, had split invisible lines between themselves. Remus had only been talking to Peter and herself, and though he was willing to acknowledge Potter's presence he still refused to even look at Black.

She sighed to herself again, thinking that she must be going soft, actually _caring_ about Black's feelings.

"I'm off to bed," Remus' voice suddenly interrupted her. She jumped slightly from his words, turning to face him. "I'm knackered looking this over." He explained, yawning while throwing his book closed. He stood up, stretching before letting his arms fall lazily at his sides.

"No problem." Lily said, offering an understanding smile. "G'night."

"Night." He said with a wave.

She turned her head, following him as he walked over and ascended the stairs. When she finally turned back around she caught Sirius staring after him, his eyes now glued to the empty stairwell. She rolled her eyes, trying to play off indifference to the other boy's suffering.

It wasn't working.

Black looked as miserable as Lily thought Remus must be feeling. The other boy was just much better at covering his remorse up. A small part of Lily knew that Remus would never be the sarcastic, loving person she knew he was until the two of them made up. She wasn't sure if that was even possible, but for the sake of Remus' happiness, she hoped it was.

Making up her mind and annoyed at her inability to ignore Black's glumness, Lily quickly shuffled her papers together, shoved them into her rucksack and began making her way over to Black.

The boy, his eyes still looking at where Remus last took off, didn't notice her approach until she had sat down on the couch right next to him. He turned his head suddenly, as if he'd been caught doing something he wasn't suppose to and then realizing who it was, gave Lily a quizzical look.

"The lights better over here." Lily lied quickly, digging out a random scroll and slowly unrolling it. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but said nothing. He turned his head down towards his book, ignoring her.

Lily fidgeted, not sure how to begin a conversation with someone she'd hated for so long. Everything that came to mind seemed hostile out of instinct.

"I know what you did." Lily said after a moment, trying her best to say the blunt statement as friendly as possible.

Sirius looked up at her again, confusion still etched on his face.

"That you went to the Shrieking Shack and all…" She mumbled quietly, leaning in.

Sirius' face dropped, his jaw opening slightly at her statement.

Incidentally, a full moon had landed on the fifth night Remus returned and Lily had overheard James and Peter discussing Sirius' part in it. Knowing the werewolf would be easier to control with the three of them, Sirius had arrived late in the night and left early in the morning, making sure Remus hadn't seem him. For some reason, Lily had found this fact endearing instead of out right irresponsible and disrespectful to Remus' wishes as it should have been.

"Don't worry," she assured him quickly, "I'm not going to tell. I just..." She paused, not sure what she wanted to say. "I guess I just thought that it's…_nice_."

Sirius only stared at her, his mouth still agape and Lily rolled her eyes.

_Well, this is awkward. _

"It's nice," she repeated, "that you're still doing it for Remus, even though…well you know."

Sirius continued to stare at her, as if trying to figure out if she was being serious or not. When he still refused to utter anything back at her, Lily wondered if she should try and make a quick escape. She had said what she wanted to hadn't she? Just as she was about to stand up, Sirius cleared his throat.

"I'd do anything for him." He mumbled quietly.

His eyes moved back down to his book, his fingers playing nervously with the corners of the pages as Lily pierced her lips in concern. As much as she wanted to believe Sirius Black had no feelings and never would understand the meanings of the words shame or humility, she couldn't help but notice how utterly sincere his words were. Without wanting to, she found herself believing them.

"He misses you, you know." She said, trying to comfort him.

Sirius scoffed lightly in disbelief, his eyes still fixed on his book.

"I mean it, Sirius." She replied. "Don't you wonder why he never switched out of the dorm rooms? Or why we're in here instead of studying in the library?"

He met her eyes with a look of complete misery and Lily felt the urge to hug him suddenly.

Of course she wouldn't though, ever. Having an emotional conversation with one of her arch nemesis was plenty enough.

"I mean, even for the full moon, do you honestly believe he doesn't know you were there?" She continued. "Didn't even guess? He doesn't remember everything, but he'd remember you I'm sure. He'd have to have at least thought of it, smelled your scent afterwards maybe."

She paused again, sure Remus would kill her for saying any of this.

"He's torn because he knows you deserve to be cut off from him, but he still doesn't want you to be, don't you see that?" She asked.

They stared at each other for a moment, silently communicating a mutual understanding as Sirius looked both grateful for her words and yet even more hopeless at the same time. Sitting there together, talking about important things such as emotions and forgiveness, almost made it feel as if Sirius and her were friends.

Then, as if both of them had realized that fact at the same time, the two of them jerked their heads away suddenly and stared fixedly at something on the floor instead.

Sirius coughed awkwardly.

"Well," Lily said a little too loudly, "I better be-"

"Yup, G'night." Sirius finished for her.

As quick as she could, she stood up and made for the stairs, cursing herself for having interfered. What would she do next? Thank Potter for saving Severus? She scoffed as she climbed the last steps before entering her dorm.

Only a few days later, Lily cornered Potter and did exactly that. She'd almost laughed at his shocked expression, looking as though she'd petrified him. Without allowing him to respond, she quickly walked away and hoped he wouldn't take her gesture as a means to convince himself she was in love with him or something equally ridiculous.

**XxxxX**

Sirius Black's family was absolutely mad. He had always known this, but for some reason their shenanigans this weekend truly drove him up the wall this time. Not only had he been called out of school for the last weekend at Hogwarts before the summer started, but the emergency his family had bidden him for turned out to be just some more of their pure blood ranting. Apparently, _someone_ through the grape vine had gotten word back to his parents that a werewolf was now attending Hogwarts. The news sent them into a tantrum, owling both Regulus and him to return home immediately to discuss urgent 'family matters'. They both had left Friday night by train and Sirius, not able to deal with their hateful talks of half-breeds, ended up leaving the very next day. He would not give up another moment he could be spending at Hogwarts in order to fight with his family. He still had a week before he had to deal with them again and he'd savor every minute of it.

He looked at himself in the mirror next to his bed, checking to make sure he'd cured any of the visible markings his parent's 'lecture' had given him. The talk about werewolves ended up creating quite a fury in Sirius and he'd ended up in one of the typical Black family duels as per usual. This one happened to be particularly hard on him though. By all accounts he'd lost, but it really wasn't fair when it was two against one.

He angled his mirror slightly so that he could view the bed directly behind him. On it sat Remus, carefully looking over a book, his back comfortably against the headboard. He'd no idea why Remus was still studying, Sirius knew that he'd completed all his missed exams already and he wondered absently if it was just another way of the werewolf silently telling the others in the room to leave him alone.

He grimaced at the thought and turned the mirror back so that he could only see himself. With a quiet sigh he carefully stripped himself of his robes so that he was only in his boxers and then turned to reach into his drawers for some pajamas. Just as he pulled them out he heard James from the other side of the room.

"Sirius, what is that?" He asked from his bed.

Peter and him had been arguing over some new Quiddich magazine James' parents had sent. Sirius, having a great ability in blocking out their annoying voices over the years, had almost forgotten that they were there.

"What is what?" Sirius asked, confused.

"That, on your back." James said, vaguely pointing with his finger.

Sirius turned around to face the mirror once again, pulling it closely and arching his neck so that he could see what James was talking about. There, on the lower part of his back, sat a giant purple bruise, courtesy of Orion Black. Sirius silently cursed himself, having sworn he'd healed all of them on his train ride back to Hogwarts.

"Sirius, is that a _bruise_?" James asked with concern. He stood up from his bed and began walking over.

_Damnit._

As quick as he could, Sirius threw his pajama shirt over his head and quickly pulled it down over himself. When his head pushed through the collar he saw with sudden horror that Remus was now staring at him, his expression unreadable. Sirius turned his eyes away from him, feeling unusually exposed.

"It's nothing," Sirius shrugged, casually nodding James off as the other boy approached him.

A large bang was heard through out the room as Remus slammed his book closed. James stopped abruptly in his steps as Sirius and Peter all turned their heads to watch Remus quickly get up out of his bed, grab his wand from the night stand, and then begin walking over to where Sirius stood. His march looked angry, yet his face seemed completely void of any emotions. Sirius cringed as the lanky boy stomped up to him, not knowing what he was planning to do. When Remus finally reached him, he gave Sirius a blank look before reaching out his arm to lift up Sirius' shirt.

"What are you doing?" Sirius panicked, jumping back slightly.

Remus gave him a reproachful look, clearly telling him not to argue, and then proceeded to reach for his shirt again, this time more forcefully. Only Sirius' nerves kept him compliant as Remus placed a hand on his shoulder and jerked him to turn around so that his back faced Remus. The other boy kneeled down and delicately lifted the shirt up.

"It _is_ a bruise," James said in wonder, stepping closer to see.

A wave of chills seized Sirius as he felt Remus' finger graze the offended area. This was the first time since the hospital wing that Remus had even acknowledge him, let alone touched him. It was all a bit much to hold together, with James questioning him as well.

"Since when do the Blacks hit from behind?" Remus' voice asked coldly.

Sirius tensed, taking only a second before he jumped away from Remus and turned around to face him, a look of hurt crossing his face.

"What's that suppose to mean?" James asked, looking between the two of them.

Remus slowly stood up again, his eyes easily meeting Sirius' with no visible regret about what he'd just said.

Sirius knew that Remus suspected the Blacks were continuing to use physical means to keep Sirius in line, but they'd never discussed the topic since second year, when Remus had seen it with his own eyes. It'd always been an unsaid understanding that they both knew what was happening but kept it silently between themselves.

Until now.

_One outed secret for another_, Sirius thought painfully.

"You can't mean…" James trailed.

Peter now walked up behind him, realizing he was missing something important.

"Did_ they_ do this to you?" James asked angrily.

When Sirius paused for a split second more then he should have, James turned to Remus for an answer. The other boy ignored him, taking another step towards Sirius and reaching once again for his shirt. Sirius, his nerves getting the best of him, slapped his hand away on instinct.

"It's not what you think," Sirius replied hastily, addressing James and trying to ignore the fact that he'd just _smacked_ at Remus.

"Did they hit you!?" James roared, his angry rising.

"No, for Merlin's sake James, calm down!" Sirius tried. He looked over at Remus for help, but the boy only gave him another blank stare, clearly not willing to lie for him this time.

"I can't believe-" James sputtered, making rounds about the room. "Why wouldn't you tell me!?"

"Would you shut up already," Sirius hollered back. "It's nothing like that."

"You can't stay there this summer." James replied, "I won't let you."

"The hell you will." Sirius snapped back.

He was a grown man. He could handle his family. It wasn't as if he hadn't been living with them for the last seventeen years already. James' reaction was getting him agitated and Remus' wandering fingers weren't helping. Every time the other boy reached to grip at his shirt, a distracting shock of heat coursed through him, making his nerves even worse.

"Why would they do that?" Peter asked, stunned.

"Because he hangs out with us!" James cried back. "That's why!"

"James, shut it will you?" Sirius replied. He took several steps away from Remus, trying to cool his nerves down, but the boy only followed after him, determined in his task.

"You're staying at my house for the summer." James said bluntly.

"No." Sirius replied, slitting his eyes in persistence. James glared back at him.

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why!?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" Sirius cried back. With an alarming amount of force, he knocked Remus' arms away from him, making the other boy take several steps back to steady himself. A cold silence filled the room with both shock from Sirius' gesture and from the words exchanged.

Sirius looked between the three people surrounding him. He'd never felt so vulnerable in his whole life and as he glanced at Remus' composed form, he felt the guilt hit him. The only time Remus had been willing to talk to him and Sirius had pushed him away. It was so unfair.

"Just leave it alone." Sirius said quietly, looking back at James.

"Fine." James finally spat, his face still red. "Suit yourself."

He walked over to his bed, grabbed angrily at his Quiddich magazine and left the room. Peter quickly trailed behind him. As the door slammed shut, Sirius jumped, closing his eyes for a moment and wondering when he would stop making enemies out of his friends.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Remus standing in front of him.

"Let me heal it." He said simply, his composure entirely calm.

For some reason the words made Sirius want to cry. Here he was, having just had a horrible row with one of his best mates about something he'd purposefully always avoided talking about and the one person he would've turned to for comfort was standing in front of him, entirely unaffected by his misery. He wanted so desperately to hug Remus, talk to him as they use to, and joke away the hurt that had just occurred.

Instead, Sirius scrunched up his face, holding himself back and turned around slowly. With two swift motions, Remus lifted up his shirt, pointed his wand, and mumbled the appropriate incantation.

"Thank you." Sirius croaked quietly, but the other boy already began walking away, not responding to his words.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thanks for being so patient with me, I know I wrote fifth year pretty dramatic but things only get better between Sirius and Remus from here, Marauder's honor. Also, if anyone cares, we're official half way through this fanfic...that makes me excited at least! Never thought I'd actually get this far!**

**Please review :-)**


	14. Sixth Year - Part One

**Sixth Year – Part One**

* * *

Remus glanced at the room around him, taking in the brilliance of how clean the Potter's house was. Everything in their living room seemed to match perfectly with the décor. Every table was clean of dust and not an ounce of dirt could be found on the floor around him. He wondered strangely if Mr. Potter had spent all day cleaning just for his arrival. It seemed silly, since he really hadn't planned to stay too long.

He gripped a small letter in his right hand tightly, looking down at it for a brief moment.

James had messaged him this morning, explaining that Sirius had arrived at his house not three days ago in a state of shock, mumbling off words and passing out almost instantly on the bed they'd quickly laid out for him. Apparently when he'd woken up, almost twelve hours later, he was unusually distant and refused to explain to James what had happened. James had owled both Peter and him in order for reinforcements.

Remus rolled his eyes, wondering why in the world he'd even come. He'd thought he was getting better at this; cutting Sirius off. He hadn't contacted the boy all summer long, despite the persistent urges to do so. Even still, all through the holidays he'd tried and failed miserably at forgetting about the bruise he saw on Sirius' back. He couldn't help but worry, contemplating whether the Blacks were seriously abusing him or not. He'd wanted desperately to write Sirius, asking if they were keeping their hands and wands to themselves this time, but every time he'd finish a letter, he'd force himself to crumple it up and throw it into the trash.

The saddest part about the entire situation was that Remus wasn't sure anymore who this lack of contact was punishing; Sirius or himself? It seemed like the growing wads of paper symbolized the bits of Remus' heart that broke off each time he threw out one.

"Remus!"

Remus looked up to see a disheveled looking James pounding down the stairs. He quickly stood just as James came around the couch and pulled him into a giant hug.

"I've missed you mate." James said, letting him go and looking him over with a smile.

"Missed you too." Remus replied softly.

The two of them hadn't hung out much after the incident with Snape. James, unlike Peter, had continued to spend the majority of his time with Sirius, forgiving him easily enough and Remus, not wanting to see the other boy's face had excluded himself from James' company by default.

"What's going on?" Remus asked suddenly, skipping to the point. "I got your letter this morning."

He held it out in his hand for a moment as proof. James glanced at the carefully folded note before meeting his eyes again.

"Right," He started, throwing a hand into his messy hair. "It's just that, well…Sirius."

Remus nodded solemnly.

"Yes, I got that much from the letter," Remus answered wryly. "What I want to know is what you want me to do about it?" His voice was more brisk then usual. He was trying hard not to care and James stared at him in slight shock from the lack of empathy.

"Look," James said. "I know you're still cross with him, but… he's not acting right, Remus. Something happened, something awful and I can't get a peep outta him."

"But I can?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Yes. You can." He replied. "You were _always_ the one he went to for this sort of thing, you know it and I know it. The fact that you knew about his family and I didn't should tell you that much."

Remus stared back, wondering if perhaps this was some sort of elaborate plan to get him talking to Sirius again. He quickly threw that idea away though. Not even James would venture into those waters. If something critical had happened to Sirius, than James was right, the blacked haired boy would've always trusted in Remus for some reason. In the past Remus had taken these moments of sincerity as something special between the two of them, something that had set their relationship apart from the other Marauders.

Which was why it was so hurtful when Sirius sold his secret and just like that, threw their unique connection away.

"No." Remus said sternly, "I can't James, I'm sorry."

James' face fell in surprise.

"Remus…" He tried.

"I just can't." Remus said again shrugging. He politely handed over the letter to James and the other boy slowly took it from his hand. He gave James an apologetic smile before trying to move passed him, but James stopped him with a gentle hand to his shoulder.

"He's hurt, Remus."

Remus stood still for a moment, contemplating the words as his mind instantly remembered a horrid looking mark on Sirius' back not three months ago.

"What do you mean he's hurt?" He asked with an eyebrow raised. His voice was calm despite the small panic pounding inside of him.

"He's _hurt…_ and he won't let any of us heal him." James said sadly, looking down at the floor. He looked ashamed, as if it had somehow been his own fault.

Remus could only stare. His heart pumped with worry, betraying him as his brain ran through a million ideas of how the Blacks could've 'hurt' Sirius.

"I…" Remus trailed, beginning to loose resolve. He hated himself for it.

"_Please_." James said, his voice full of desperation.

Remus sighed loudly, cursing himself for not being strong enough.

"Where is he?" He asked, giving in.

"Up the stairs, my room."

He watched a small smile pull at the corners of James' mouth and Remus wanted nothing more than to smack it off of him. Instead he made for the stairwell, feeling as if he was heading towards his own death sentence.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he made a slight right and slowly walked up to James' door. He reached for the handle and then paused, his hands suddenly very sweaty.

If he walked through this door, he would be practically forgiving Sirius.

He sighed to himself, taking his hand back and throwing it into his hair instead. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that. He hadn't planned on _ever_ being ready for it, in fact.

He stole a few glances down the hallway on both sides, if nothing but to buy himself some time to think this through.

_I don't have to forgive,_ he assured himself, _I just have to go in, say what I can and get out. Make it clear that I'm here on James' behalf and nothing else. _

He grunted in approval, thinking it would be an easy enough task to achieve.

Bucking up his courage one final time, he very slowly opened the door.

The room was rather dark, the only light coming from the two large windows placed at either side of James' bed. From what Remus could see, the walls were covered in Quiddich posters and it smelled distinctly like dirty socks. Despite the lack of illuminating light, Remus picked up on Sirius' tall form immediately. He was standing with his back facing the door and looking out of the right side window. He had grown, Remus silently noted to himself, at least an inch more and he looked as handsome as ever.

Remus stepped quietly through the threshold and shut the door behind him with enough noise to let the other boy know he was there. He waited for a response, standing still with his hands limp at his sides.

"I told you I wasn't hungry James." Came a quiet voice, his back still facing Remus.

"It's not James."

He watched Sirius' shoulders immediately tense at the sound of his voice, his body turning rigid. A deafening silence echoed between the two of them as Remus stared across at the angles of Sirius' back.

"Figured he'd of owled you." Sirius finally breathed.

"Peter's coming tomorrow."

"Brilliant." He replied sarcastically.

Remus took another small step into the room, eyeing in disgust the amount of dirty clothes riddled along the floor. Apparently, Mr. Potter hadn't passed down the cleanliness genes to James. Begging himself to concentrate on the issue at hand, Remus looked up, ignoring the mess and saw Sirius still standing stock by the window. He sighed to himself, realizing that he'd have to approach him if anything was going to be said. Tentatively, Remus took a few more steps, closing the gap between them and standing next to Sirius at the window. Without stealing a glance at the other boy, he gazed out of the glass frame and smiled. A giant tree, planting itself inches away from James' window was blocking the entire, beautiful yard the Potters had.

"Nice view." Remus said with some amusement.

He looked over at the other boy for a response but Sirius quickly turned his head away from him. He hadn't been quick enough and Remus caught sight of what he was trying to hide.

"Look at me." Remus suddenly demanded, his voice louder than it should've been. A sickening feeling gripped at his stomach as Sirius hesitated for a moment before slowly moving his head back to face him.

Remus nearly fell to the floor in shock.

A large, burning red gash grazed angrily across the other boy's cheek as if he'd been lit on fire. Several other nasty marks were above Sirius' eyebrow and streaking far into his hairline. His right eye was oozing something green around it's edges, so puffy that Remus couldn't see where Sirius' eyeball began or ended.

He looked as if the Blacks used him as a practicing target.

Without thinking Remus reached out his hand to the offended skin, making Sirius shy away instantly and take a step back.

"Why didn't you heal these?" Remus rasped out angrily, though he wasn't sure what he had to be angry about.

Sirius gave him a blank look, shaking his head slightly and then turned to sit down on the bed behind him.

"I don't know." He whispered. He bowed his head, looking down at his hands.

Remus stared at him for a moment, his stomach trying to decide if it wanted to heave it's contents or simply flip over inside of itself.

James had been right, the Blacks _had_ done something horrible. They've somehow managed to break the boy in front of him entirely. Remus never thought it possible, to destroy the spirit that glowed so brightly in Sirius. Even during their fifth year, when Remus had refused to acknowledge him, Remus still saw it. He saw the hope in his eyes that one day Remus might forgive him, the affection. Now, there was nothing. No light, no affection, and definitely no hope lingered in Sirius' eyes. They were desolate, seemingly void of all life and Remus wanted to hug him in order to squeeze the light back into him.

Whatever Sirius had done, he didn't deserve this, Remus thought angrily. They'd no right to hurt him.

_You hurt him, _a small thought echoed back.

A stir of guilt clutched at him, remembering what he'd done. He wondered if the state he'd left Sirius in that day looked at all similar to how he was now. Had Sirius compared the two incidents too? Did he find that Remus was just as heartless and cruel as his family members?

Remus sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before deciding to sit down next to Sirius on the bed and tossing all thoughts away.

"If I'd known it was this extreme, I wouldn't have kept your secret for so long." He said quietly.

"It's not what you're thinking…" Sirius trailed, still looking at his hands.

"Really?" Remus scoffed. "Then what's it like? Blacks only strike hard when their children truly deserve it? Like when they play with muggles or get sorted into Gryffindor?" His voice dripped with bitterness, trying with difficulty to bite back his anger at the pure-bred family.

"It's not-" Sirius tried. He paused, obviously trying to find the right words. "It's gotten worse." He finally finished lamely.

"When?"

"Recently."

"_How_ recently?" Remus egged.

"Fifth year, maybe fourth." Sirius replied, shaking his head while trying to remember. "They're awful, always have been but I push things too." He paused, looking past his hands to something on the wall instead. "Ever since Voldy-whatever started his little pureblood rantings, my parents have become more stern in their beliefs. And I- Well, I've only gotten more resistant to it."

He looked over at Remus.

"I just pushed it too far this time." He said softly before glancing back down at his hands.

Remus grimaced, angry and troubled that Sirius had somehow convinced himself that he was to blame for whatever happened. He silently cursed himself for not having come sooner, thinking he could've prevented the feelings of guilt from ever forming and been able to heal Sirius' wounds for him. He could've written him this summer, or forced Sirius to go with James after the end of fifth year. He could've done a million things that would've kept the boy next to him away from the cruelty of his parents, but he hadn't. Instead he'd kept a sickening grudge that had eaten away at him more then it had ever harmed anyone else. What on earth had he been thinking?

Remus suddenly felt very lost and lonely despite the obvious company.

He eyed Sirius' hands. They were shaking as they gripped onto the other boy's knees, playing with the cloth that gathered there. Remus reached his own hand over, grazing lightly over Sirius' fingers before lacing his through them. He hoped that the gesture might be enough to speak for him, telling the other boy how sorry he was, that he didn't deserve their poor treatment or anyone else's for that matter.

He watched Sirius' eyes dart to where their hands laid intertwined. When he looked up to meet Remus' eyes, Remus swore he saw a blush creeping up Sirius' neck. Oddly, as Sirius continued to stare back at him, Remus felt his own cheeks beginning to burn. The room suddenly warmed and despite the flush of red making it's way up into Remus' ears, the two of them continued to look at each other, neither willing to break the long over due contact.

Remus finally cleared his throat, slowly tugging his hand away from Sirius' and feeling very light headed. With a small wobble, he stood up and brushed off invisible dust from his pants.

"I'm going to tell James that you're ok and then I'm going to have him heal you." Remus said briskly, taking back whatever indifference he could manage to offer. His plan of coming into the room and leaving quickly had failed miserably.

He looked over at Sirius, who looked even more miserable than when Remus had first entered.

"I'm _sorry_, Remus" He said, his voice soft. "I'm so bloody sorry."

Remus couldn't help but scrunch up his face in pain. He'd hoped, that in some miraculous way this wouldn't have come up, but it had all been wishful thinking.

"I'm sorry." Remus heard Sirius mumble again, still staring at him.

Remus turned away, looking towards the window and finding the tree trunk outside of James' small glass frame now entirely enthralling. No wonder Sirius had been staring at it earlier.

"I know you are." Remus replied, not able to meet the other boy's eyes. "But that doesn't make it any easier."

He heard the bed creak as Sirius stood up and took several steps to stand behind him.

"I want to hate you." Remus said, turning around to face him. "And Merlin knows I tried too, but honestly at the end of the day I just miss you. I want how we used to be back..." He paused, contemplating "but I'm not sure if that's possible anymore."

"I can try." Sirius cut in earnestly. "I promise I'll try and I- I won't date anyone or pick on anyone, not even Snape. I promise." He said as he took another step closer.

Remus couldn't help but laugh softly at the desperation in Sirius' voice. It was comforting in a way to note how much Sirius wanted this too. He found himself nodding his head, half in reluctant defeat and half in amusement.

"Do you…" Sirius trailed looking at him carefully. "You forgive me?"

Remus looked back at him, surprised to see the light he thought was gone now reappearing in Sirius' eyes. He smiled, realizing he'd been able to spark it's return. Glancing down at the floor for a second, Remus sighed loudly, letting his shoulders slump down with his exhale.

"Don't I always?" He replied, looking back up.

Within seconds Sirius had taken a small, leaping step and wrapped him up in the tightest hug he'd ever been apart of. The impact left Remus winded, his right hand falling back behind him and gripping the window seal in order to keep balance.

"Merlin, I've missed you." Sirius whispered against him, clinging tighter.

Remus' smile stretched wider, taking in all at once the tight hold Sirius had on him as well as the distinctive scent the black haired boy always gave off, something he hadn't smelled in much too long. He realized as his hands slowly reached over to embrace Sirius back just how much he wanted this, how much he'd wanted to forgive him.

"I've missed you too." He whispered back.

**XxxxX**

The five of them sat contently around the Great Hall table for lunch. Sixth Year had begun a month ago and Remus couldn't get over the happiness he felt as he watch the four others around him, eating quietly together. It was strange, the Marauders finally reunited. Things weren't perfect, far from it actually, as Remus and Sirius still had an awkward way of moving about each other, neither completely comfortable in each other's presence. Remus knew Sirius was walking on egg shell's around him, constantly checking to make sure he was being a good friend, but not too needy. It was almost amusing how much Sirius seemed to be taking his opportunity to right things between them so seriously. It was very much unlike him to take care in anything he did, but Remus gladly noted the change and hoped that by the end of the year they'd learn to be the easy friends they used to be.

But it wasn't just Sirius and his mending relationship that made the atmosphere among the marauders different. There was now the knowledge of what Sirius' family had done to him and everyone, especially James, was going out of their way to watch their words around the other boy, avoiding anything that might lead to thoughts of the Black family. Sirius had eventually told them that an argument, pertaining to his poor lack of judgment in friends, had led to a disownment. James' parents quickly welcomed Sirius to live with them, but Remus knew he was uncomfortable staying there and was actively looking to find a place of his own.

Yet despite all of these differences now hovering over their group, Remus had to say the oddest change was Lily Evans, who was currently sitting next to Remus and laughing quietly at Peter's attempt to eat a potato that keep rolling off his spoon.

She had begun sitting with them in order to be in Remus' company more often. This year had the two of them often separated, each having chosen different NEWT level courses to follow. The fact that Lily now had a scarce amount of good friends left since the Snape incident, she reluctantly began joining the marauders at meals in order to see Remus more. For a while she'd only speak directly to him, trying hard to ignore James' statements or longing stares, but eventually she delved into small chatter between the four of them. She was never overly friendly with her conversations, but nevertheless, Remus was rightly shocked.

He was also shocked by the way Sirius would look at Lily and him sitting together, stealing glances between bites and making Remus' hand sweaty whenever his eyes caught the other boy's. Though this difference, he couldn't explain the reason for.

"_What?_" he heard Lily cry with frustration.

He looked over at Lily, who was staring daggers across the table at James. And James, who had his eyebrows knitted together, was staring back at the red head intently, his eyes dancing across her face and neck.

"James, quit staring." Sirius mumbled, trying to nudge him out of his trace.

"Where's your necklace?" James asked, ignoring Sirius and continuing to look straight at Lily.

Lily looked at him confused for a moment before bringing her hand to her neck and feeling for the nonexistent charm.

"Oh, I-" she started and Remus saw a blush creep up her face. "I just, I thought it'd be best not to wear it anymore, that's all." She stumbled.

"Why?" James asked relentlessly, a sad look in his eyes. "You always wore it, every day."

"Because." Lily said shortly, trying to ignore him.

"Because why?"

"Just _because_. I don't think I need to explain myself to you of all people." Lily huffed, getting annoyed.

"Why shouldn't you explain it to me?" James said again, looking unusually upset.

"Why _would_ I?!" Lily retorted back quickly.

"Because I gave it to you!" James replied angrily.

Remus, who'd been in the midst of eating his corn bread and happily ignoring the bickering, suddenly swallowed his food with a gulp.

He'd forgotten all about that bloody necklace.

The table instantly quieted as Lily looked at James through slit eyes. She scoffed at the statement.

"No you didn't, Se-," She stopped, "A-another person did." She finished.

"No, it was _me_." James said defensively. "I even wrapped it up in green paper because I knew it was your favorite color."

Lily's mouth dropped open slightly as her eyebrows instantly loosen their tight connection. She looked from James to Sirius to Peter, seeing if perhaps their expressions would tell her that James was joking and she should just ignore him. After a moment of awkward silence building through the five of them, Lily gasped, finally understanding the truth.

"YOU?!" She exclaimed, standing up immediately and looking horrified.

"Yea, me!" James shouted back, stung by her obvious revulsion.

"But I-," Lily started, bringing a hand to her mouth in shock. "But I wore that _everyday_ because I thought…" She trailed, growing even more distressed. She quickly turned her head towards Remus, who was trying very hard to remain invisible.

"Did you know about this!?" She asked, looking straight at him.

Remus looked up at her with apologetic eyes, shrugging meekly in answer.

"Oh my-" Lily breathed, her face turning bright red from embarrassment. "I-"

She never finished her thought though. She struggled to pull her legs over the bench and practically stumbled away from the table, looking horrified. James quickly stood up and went after her, calling for her to stop and still demanding an answer for why she took it off. When the two of them, James' rants included, had disappeared behind the Great Hall's doors, both Peter and Sirius turned to look at Remus.

"What the hell was that all about?" Sirius asked confused.

"Long story."

**XxxxX**

This was embarrassing.

Sirius was the last of only three in line and he was fidgeting awkwardly, shuffling his feet and hoping that whomever Professor McGonagall was talking with at the head of the line, would hurry up so that his embarrassment over the whole thing would end.

Christmas was coming and Sirius, freshly 'freed' from his parent's grievances, had nowhere to go.

Technically that wasn't true, but he still felt that way. Obviously the Potters had instantly offered him a spot at their home, assuming he'd say yes, but Sirius couldn't help but feel out of place there despite their kindnesses. It just didn't feel right, invading another family's Christmas and so here he was, standing in line and waiting to sign up in order to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays.

Now if only the _Lupins_ had offered, Sirius thought to himself in amusement, he probably wouldn't have hesitated for more than a few moments before packing his bag and shoving Remus and him onto the nearest train.

Sirius laughed softly out loud, knowing full well that accepting that invitation had nothing to do with Christmas.

He took a step forward, the girl talking to McGonagall finally signing her name down and moving on.

Things between Remus and him had certainly gotten better.

For one thing, Remus now talked to him.

Immense improvement.

They'd even begun joking about Professor McGonagall's wrath again, which was always a good sign. The only times the events of what happened still hung in the air was when Remus and him were alone and accidentally said something that would lead their thoughts to more horrible things. Every time it happened, the conversation would die instantly and they'd stand near each other, grasping at straws to try and lighten the mood again. Usually one of them would give up and make a quick excuse to hustle off. It was frustrating, but Sirius couldn't complain. He knew that eventually it'd be ok…

Maybe.

A slight problem in getting things back to the way they used to be was his developed feelings.

Evans had begun hanging around with them more often, no doubt for Remus' sake, but he couldn't help but feel the jealousy eat at him every time they sat next to each other, conversing so easily. He'd watch them with envy, wishing Remus and him could find a way back to similar conversations. He'd promised to let Remus go, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt him to no ends watching it happen. A part of him wondered bitterly when the two of them would finally break the news to James and Peter. James could be as bad as he was, but the bloke still deserved the truth, especially about this.

His thoughts were interrupted as the boy ahead of him signed his name and shuffled out of line. Sirius stepped up to face Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Black." She greeted him, holding out a quill.

He took it, eyeing her suspiciously. He wasn't sure if she'd ever forgiven him for sending her favorite student away. He'd become unusually careful around her as a precautionary measure. Nothing was more dangerous than a revengeful McGonagall.

He quickly signed his name, scribbling it across the scroll and handed it back to her.

"See you for the holidays." She said kindly.

He nodded and then quickly turned around to begin walking away. His steps were cut short however when he bumped into someone who'd been hovering behind him. Thinking he'd been the last in line, Sirius hadn't looked to see where he was going.

"Sorry." He mumbled, rubbing his head and stepping back from the other person.

He looked up to see Remus smiling back at him.

"I'd thought making the Quiddich team this year would've made your reflexes much better, not worse." He quipped.

Sirius, stunned at first at the boy's appearance, quickly broke out into a wild grin.

"Yea well, James' is a shotty captain." He beamed back.

Remus laughed.

_The_ laugh.

And Sirius relished in the fact that he could still cause it. Moments like these made things seemed like they were back to normal and Sirius cherished them more then anything at this point. He'd tuck them away inside his memory for future reference when the truth of their situation was more apparent. Sometimes he'd just pull them out during particularly boring classes, to preoccupy his time. He told himself to remember the smile on Remus' face now, thinking he might need it later in Muggle Studies when Professor Rumpkins decided to scold him for an unfinished essay.

"Er, Sirius?" Remus interrupted.

"Yea?"

"Do you mind stepping out of the way now?"

Sirius, realizing that he'd been staring, jumped to the side hastily.

"Oh, right." He said, letting Remus pass, "Sorry" He tried desperately to bat away the heat rising up in him.

Thinking their conversation over, Sirius started walking away, but he halted once it dawned on him what Remus was in line for. He turned around to see the lanky boy taking the quill from McGonagall and writing his name down neatly underneath Sirius'.

"Why are you signing up for the holidays?" Sirius asked shocked.

Remus returned the quill to McGonagall and then calmly turned to face him. He shrugged evasively and began walking past Sirius and back down the hall. Sirius quickly followed suit, standing next to him and trying to keep pace.

"The full moon falls three days before Christmas." Remus offered as an explanation, guiding them out the Great Hall's doors.

"So?" Sirius asked.

Remus _always_ went home for the holidays, his parents being very selfish of their limited time with him. Sirius got the impression that they were wildly protective of the boy, for all good reasons, but Sirius wondered what Remus could've possibly said to convince them to let him stay.

"So," Remus continued. "It's always better when you're there."

Sirius turned to look at him, surprised by the response. His stomach flipped at the blatant compliment, but his head told him that couldn't be the only reason Remus was staying.

He'd never perfected how to read between Remus' lines, but he thought might have a hunch at what the other boy was saying now.

Maybe it was true, that Padfoot had a way of calming the werewolf in Remus down, but the real reason was much less selfish. Remus loved his parents and loved spending time at home with them. He wouldn't give that up for a better full moon. He'd dealt with pain his whole life.

Remus was staying for _him_. He didn't want to leave Sirius alone for Christmas.

"I-" Sirius started but Remus cut him off.

"I'll see you later." He said and began heading down a hallway that split off from their own.

Sirius realized how far they had walked and stood, gaping at the boy now receding from him.

It made him want to jump onto his Quiddich broom and fly off into the sky with wild glee at the idea of Remus staying for winter break with him, _because_ of him. But it also made him extremely nervous, wondering if the two of them could handle it. It had always been when they were alone, without James and Peter's inputs, that Remus and him staled in their conversations. The holidays meant just them, with no other students around to help them. Sirius cringed, thinking of all the awkward moments sure to happen.

He sighed before finally beginning to move his legs again. He had taken several more steps before the words "Remus" and "alone" began repeating themselves over and over inside his head.

A new worry took hold of him.

Considering all the feelings he'd been collecting inside of him since third year for the other boy, Sirius bit his lip in thought, hoping that he'd have enough sense to keep himself in control during Christmas too.

He wasn't always know for his common sense though.

* * *

**A/N:**

**You guys, thank you SO much for all the wonderful comments. They are lovely! I find myself laughing at some of the ways you guys phrase things. I can tell without a doubt that each of you has a distinctive and unique personality that keeps me cracking up. All of the comments have been really helpful and have encouraged me to keep writing, so thank you!**


	15. Sixth Year - Part Two

**Sixth Year – Part Two**

* * *

His sense of feeling always came back first after a full moon, the aching pain ripping through his torn body, paralyzing him to the floor. Hearing came next; distant, disoriented sounds until they slowly became words. Then smell; blood usually from the wounds he'd caused himself. And lastly sight, that is if he could manage to open his eyes as bodily functions usually took the longest to recover. It took time, as it always had, for Remus to ever fully come into his own person after the werewolf controlled him. Yet while his body gradually took these steps into making itself functional again, his mind was always agonizingly clear. It ran away with questions, trying to piece together the events of the night prior, panicking that something horrible had taken place. They were always the same ones.

_Had I hurt anyone? _

_Did I bite anyone? _

When those were answered, or couldn't be remembered, he'd turn to the more obvious ones.

_Where am I?_

_How'd I get here?_

Funny how despite the immediate pain he'd feel after every transformation, that he never once thought to ask a question about his own state of health.

As he became aware of the cold ground beneath him now, those very questions running through his mind, Remus heard a small muffled noise. He felt something wet against the side of his stomach and groaned, a shot of pain seeping from where the moisture had made contact with him. He heard the noise again, clearer now, a small whine from an animal, and then he felt a distinctive softness against his face that he recognized immediately.

_Padfoot. _

He felt the dog breathing closely against him and Remus wanted to smile or move a limb, anything that might assure the canine that he was still alive. But his muscles weren't yet ready to cooperate and so he laid there instead, taking in the scent and warmth of Sirius' animagus as his body regenerated on it's own. A short moment later and Padfoot nudged his wet nose against Remus' cheek, as if trying to speed up the recovery process. Remus heard him move away from his face and felt the hot breath of the dog's panting on his side instead. With sudden clarity Remus realized what the wetness he felt before had been.

He struggled to open his eyes, just in time to see the black animagus lick caringly at a cut on the lower part of his stomach. His eyes struggled to focus, blurred lines now becoming clear as he watched Padfoot lap at the wound. Something about the act should seem strange to him, he thought. Padfoot was Sirius, and now Sirius was licking him while he was lying starkers on the floor. The very idea of it should be causing waves of protests, but it wasn't. Instead, Remus watched intently, a sudden heat rising through his body everytime Sirius' tongue slowly rolled over the offended area.

Something told him that it wasn't just the coldness that was stopping him from enjoying the change in body temperature.

Too tired to analyze the reaction, Remus closed his eyes again, groaning lightly from Padfoot's continuous care and relishing in the warmth it was creating.

Perhaps Padfoot always did this after a full moon and Remus had just been too indifferent to notice before.

He racked his brain, trying to think of another time Sirius had licked anywhere but Remus' face. His stomach twisted when he couldn't and he groaned in frustration, feeling as though he should be piecing something together but was too disoriented to do so.

He heard a shift in the room and then Sirius' voice.

"Remus?" He called softly.

A hand came up to Remus' face, caressing his cheek for a short moment before snaking it's way around the back of his head and tilting him up slowly.

_When had Sirius' touches become so soft? _

Remus opened his eyes again to see Sirius leaning over him, a look of concern on his face as he supported his head.

"Morning." Remus croaked out, trying his best to show a grin. He felt a small amount of triumph as Sirius' face dissolved to reveal a smile of his own, laughing lightly at his greeting.

"Good morning." Sirius said back, using his other hand to begin setting Remus up right.

Remus tried to stifle his pain as he maneuvered himself into a sitting position with Sirius' help.

"Cold." He rasped out, not having enough energy for full sentences.

Sirius quickly grabbed at a blanket inches away from them, shaking it out once before gently placing it around Remus' shoulders. After he tucked the material securely against Remus' body, Sirius pulled out his wand and caste a warming charm on the fabric. Remus shivered from the sudden warmth and Sirius, most likely thinking that Remus was still cold, placed his hands on the other boy's shoulders and began running them up and down his arms in quick movements.

Remus shivered again.

He looked up, still dazed with exhaustion and eyed the boy in front of him with curiosity. Something was different about the way Sirius was touching him, something familiar and foreign all at the same time. Remus had never seen him so blatantly caring or so gentle. Touches between the Marauders had always been reserved for tussles and wrestling, but this was clearly neither and Remus struggled to put a finger on what exactly made it so distinctive. He tilted his head, continuing to study the concentrated look on Sirius' face.

The other boy looked almost as disheveled as Remus felt. His hair was ruffled, strayed about at different angles and several patches of dirt riddled his clothes and skin. Remus found himself smiling, thinking the other boy looked rather handsome with a bit of mud on his face.

"I should heal you." Sirius said suddenly.

Remus nodded in agreement, but neither of them made any attempt to move. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually injured himself since the Marauders had begun joining him at the full moon. Considering it had only been Padfoot last night with him and not Prongs and Wormtail as well, it made sense that the werewolf would be more restless. He'd grown used to the companions.

He felt the rhythm of Sirius' hands beginning to slow, taking their time feeling along the length of his arms. He glanced up at him again, expecting a sly remark to the change in speed, but Sirius was busy looking intently at his own efforts, eyeing the way he grazed his hands against the fabric that separated them.

Remus swallowed, feeling the air around them suddenly shift, thickening. He tried to shoo away the nervousness growing in him as he came fully aware of the way Sirius' hands moved tantalizingly slow up his arms.

He had hoped, in so many ways, that staying for Christmas break would finally be the chance they needed to rekindle their friendship. That whatever tension was still causing them grief would disappear after spending some quality time with each other. But despite Remus' best intentions, the holidays seemed to have only worsened the situation. The strain that followed them around made it clear that their relationship had dramatically changed somewhere along the lines, and not just in the way they touched each other. It frustrated Remus to no ends that he couldn't seem to find a way back to what they used to be. Left alone with Sirius, Remus became skittish, flustered, and always aware of the other boy's proximity, as if Sirius standing too close to him might snap the small band still holding their friendship together. He wished he could find the culprit for the sudden change and correct it, but he'd been trying since the beginning of the year and always came up empty.

A small red spot, glistening wet against the upper part of Sirius' shirt suddenly distracted Remus from his thoughts.

"You're hurt…" He realized. He reached out a hand to touch the injury and Sirius' hands stopped moving, his body suddenly tense. Remus grimaced, knowing he'd now made the tension between them even thicker.

"Let me heal you." He tried, pretending to ignore the other boy's stiffness.

Sirius' eyes wondered to his, staring at him for a brief moment, his expression unreadable. He seemed pained, as if Remus' touch was hurting him. Remus could only stared back, not sure what he'd done wrong or how to correct it.

"No," Sirius finally answered, shaking his head. "It's fine, just a scrape." He stood up, letting Remus' hand drop to the ground and took a step back. "I should probably heal you first, before Pomfrey gets here."

Remus only nodded, not wanting to make things even more awkward.

He leaned forward, bracing himself to stand up as Sirius took two steps to his side, spotting him if he needed help. The black haired boy knew by now that letting Remus do as much as he could by himself was always best. The werewolf in him usually took a defensive position on these vulnerable mornings.

Stealing a quick breath, Remus used all his might to push himself up and forward, begging his body to pull itself together. But halfway up his left knee gave out under him and Sirius had to reach out, grabbing his elbow in order to support him. Feeling as if he was going to fall, Remus quickly laced his arm around Sirius' torso, gripping at the back of his shirt in order to stay steady.

Once he gained footing, he stood there for a moment, leaning against Sirius and panting from the small exertion while trying to catch his breath again.

He felt Sirius shutter against him.

"Are you cold?" Remus asked, letting his body lean away enough to face him.

Sirius' eyes were staring directly at the wall ahead of him, refusing to meet Remus'.

"Not exactly." He replied.

Remus stared at him, not understanding. The other boy turned to face him and with a small head nod, gestured down. Remus followed the movement and immediately stepped away.

In all his attempt to stand up, Remus had let the blanket fall from his shoulders and had been leaning against Sirius entirely naked.

"Oh," Remus said, embarrassed as he stepped back. He quickly bent over, fumbling for the blanket on the floor. "Merlin, I'm sorry." He said, trying with difficulty to pick the material up. He swayed, blinking his eyes several times as he tried to focus on the fabric in front of him. Before he could finally manage to grab it, Sirius bent down and swiftly picked it up for him, throwing it quickly over his shoulders.

"Not a big deal." He muttered, watching Remus wrap the blanket around himself once again. "Nothing I haven't seen before right?"

This did nothing to comfort Remus and he felt himself redden.

"Right." Remus agreed, clinging even tighter to his blanket.

"Come on, let's get you healed."

With some cautious shuffling, Sirius let Remus lead the way to the bed, his hands at the ready in case Remus lost his footing again. Remus couldn't help but frown at the behavior. Normally Sirius wouldn't have hesitated to at least hold on to his arm, always taking precaution over his fits of independence. It felt as if Sirius was purposefully keeping his distance and Remus felt troubled at the thought.

Had they really become so far gone that they were afraid to touch each other now?

He sighed as he reached the bed, contemplating whether re-establishing his friendship with Sirius was hopeless or not as he proceeded to sit down.

He looked on as Sirius pull out his wand and lean down on one knee in front of him. Remus fidgeted awkwardly, realizing that he'd have to pull the blanket away from him again in order for Sirius to get at the wound. Hoping to get it over with fast, Remus quickly tugged at the fabric, exposing his torso and making sure to keep as much of himself covered as possible. Sirius, obviously trying to hurry along as well, pointed his wand and said a quick incantation. Once Remus felt his skin close, he brought his arms around himself and clung to the blanket tightly.

The looked at each other and then there it was again; that horrible, thick atmosphere that always seemed to take over whenever they were together. The one that made Remus sweat nervously and body temperature heat up.

It felt as if the entire room were trying to suffocate them.

"Remus." Sirius said suddenly, interrupting the deafening silence that had followed his healing spell.

Remus looked up, meeting his eyes with hesitance.

"Did anyone ever tell you, that you look like shite in the morning?"

Remus stared, entirely dumbstruck.

Sirius quirked his mouth up into a teasing grin.

Before he knew it, the two of them started nervously laughing with each other.

A joke.

A bloody joke at the most inappropriate moment and somehow, because both of them had felt the heaviness in the air, it seemed to lift everything off their shoulders. As Sirius started to peal over, now laughing loudly at his own childish behavior, the noise between them escalated as their laughs became almost hysterical. Soon they were bursting at the seams, but not because Sirius' words were even the slightest bit funny, but because they both understood how inept they felt, trying to find a way back to each other. And _that_ at least was the one thing they still shared.

As Remus looked over at Sirius laughing and trying to wipe tears away from his eyes, he figured that maybe this whole thing wasn't as hopeless as he thought.

**XxxxX**

The common room was quiet as Remus and Sirius sat on the floor, surrounding a small chess set and playing against each other. It was nearing the end of the Christmas holidays and all things considered, Remus had been glad he stayed. After the full moon, things had relaxed between the two of them. He wasn't sure if they'd learned to live with the awkwardness and accept it for what it was, or if the tension between them had actually disappeared. He doubted it had, but either way, he was much more content with the way things were going now.

"Knight to B4." Sirius said.

The two of them watched as his knight slowly moved over the polished set, landing centimeters away from Remus' pawn and then smashing it down into bits.

"James teach you that one?" Remus smirked, knowing full well Sirius had never been good at wizard's chess. He'd never had the patience for it.

Sirius only smiled smugly, leaning back onto his legs that were folded underneath him.

"That's too bad," Remus continued. "because honestly, James is rubbish at chess. You should never listen to him. Queen to B6."

Sirius' grin quickly disappeared as Remus' Queen moved in line of his knight and knocked the black figure roughly off the board.

"Oh, and who taught you that?" Sirius asked, folding his arms in annoyance.

"Lily." Remus replied simply, still smiling.

He watched as Sirius' face fell and then quickly turned his head toward the game, pretending to concentrate on the few pieces he had left. Remus eyed him, feeling as if he'd said something wrong.

"What?" he asked.

Sirius lifted his head up and shrugged at him.

"Nothing."

"Why do you look like that?" Remus persisted.

"Look like what?"

"Look like I just stabbed you with a knife."

"I don't."

"You do." Remus insisted.

"Fine." Sirius grunted back, "I do."

The other boy shook his head and directed his eyes back down at the board, ignoring Remus' concerned stare. Not yet ready to give up on the conversation, Remus continued to watch him, boring holes into his head and clearly telling him that it wasn't over. After several moments the black haired boy lifted his head back up in irritation and stared back.

"I just-" He started, giving into Remus' nagging. "I just I think you should tell them."

"You think I should tell who, what?" Remus asked confused.

"Look, I-, I know okay." Sirius whispered, looking very nervous all of a sudden.

"You know?"

"Yes, I mean I didn't mean to find out but it just happened and I don't want you to be angry."

"Well that's a nice thought, Sirius" Remus replied, "but I've no idea what I'm suppose to be angry about."

"Lily and you…" He mumbled back, gesturing vaguely with his arms.

Remus stared at him, entirely lost where this conversation was going.

"Lily and I?" He asked.

"Yes, Lily and you." Sirius said sternly. "I know you two… are in love."

Sirius had barely whispered the last two words, making Remus blink several times to make sure he hadn't misheard him. His head jerked to the side, eyebrows knitting together as his mouth dropped open. For a moment, he thought Sirius was joking, but after observing the uneasy look on the other boy's face, knew that he was entirely serious. Remus closed his mouth, contemplating how to respond.

"Do you?" He found himself saying, slightly amused by Sirius' continuous mistakes in reading people.

"I-," Sirius stumbled, his nerves gaining the best of him. Remus had to stop himself from smiling at the flustered boy. He couldn't fathom how Sirius had somehow come up with this one. He struggled to keep his face straight, waiting for the absurd explanation Sirius was sure to give.

"I heard you…" Sirius tried again. "I didn't mean to. It was the night that you slept in the common room because you were so cross with James and I. I came down to apologize or something and there you were with Lily…"

Remus stilled, the hardship of keeping a straight face now gone as he realized that this wasn't very funny at all.

"And..I, I _heard_ you." Sirius muttered, eyeing Remus' reaction with caution.

That night had been one of the worse Remus had ever had, not to mention the most emotionally draining. He had poured his heart out to the young girl, trying to make up for his mistakes all last year. He'd said those things in privacy, in confidence, and he knew he should feel a twinge of betrayal from Sirius' confession. Yet for some reason his mind raced instantly to another thought.

That had been the night before the full moon. The night before Sirius told Snape.

Remus felt his hand twitch, telling him that somehow those sequences of events were important.

"Honest, I didn't mean to pry!" Sirius cried out.

Remus look over at him, his train of thought interrupted. The other boy looked as if he was about to pass out from anxiety, obviously waiting for Remus to reply.

"As soon as I saw you I turned right around and went back upstairs." Sirius continued, sweat pooling at his brow. "The only reason I mention it is because… I-I think you should tell James now instead of later, that way he can get over it." He paused, "You can't blame him for liking her...I mean, Lily's..._pretty_."

The words, spoken with obviously distaste, struck Remus with a sudden thought.

"Why do you hate her so much?" He asked bluntly.

Sirius, surprised at his sudden response, withdrew a breath that he'd been holding in.

"I don't." Sirius shrugged back, his eyes glancing down at the board.

"It's obvious you do."

"I don't." He repeated even quieter.

Remus only stared back at him skeptically, tired of the lie. This had been an issue for far too long and on all accounts, Remus could never before figure out why. Now he was determined to.

"Alright, I do but only because I don't think she's nearly good enough for you." Sirius finally said.

Remus leaned back, holding back a grin at the idea of Sirius protecting him from a girl as kind as Lily. Surely it should be the other way around.

"Well you better start because I'm going to ask her to marry me." Remus joked straight-faced, fully aware of the chaos he'd cause with that one.

He could really be quite cruel sometimes.

Sirius' face went completely blank at the words, his eyes growing wide as his skin turned a pale white.

"That's…" He choked. "That's…great."

He gave the most pathetic smile to Remus before glancing back down at the chessboard again.

Remus' mouth broke into a wide grin, wondering how on earth Sirius could believe such a ridiculous statement. He didn't feel bad about the comment though, considering Sirius definitely deserved it, if not only for prying where he shouldn't have been.

Looking at his sulking friend and feeling as though he'd pushed his joke far enough, Remus sighed and stood up, making his way over to the other side of the table and sitting himself back down next Sirius.

"You know, I really thought we got over this in third year." Remus said teasingly as he nudge the other boy's shoulder.

Sirius raised his head, looking back at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Sirius," Remus smiled. "I'm not, and I'm going to try very hard to stress this part, _not_ in love with Lily Evans."

"You're… not?" Sirius asked, his voice small.

"No, I'm not." Remus continued, "Lily is like a sister to me, you great git, and when you heard me say that, that's exactly how I meant it, nothing more."

He watched as Sirius seemed to take in the words slowly, his expressions changing within seconds from confusion to relief to embarrassment. Remus only smiled fondly at him, thinking of how silly he looked.

"Oh." He finally responded, his cheeks flushing a bright red.

When Remus was convinced that Sirius had finally accepted the truth, he easily maneuvered back into his spot at the other side of the table, taking his time during the next twenty minutes or so, slowly killing off Sirius' chess pieces. He won, naturally and the last remaining hours of the night were spent on the couch, as Sirius began writing James a letter and Remus decided to get an early start on his Charms book. Remus was quietly reading about who first invented the Lumos spell when Sirius interrupted him again.

"But why?" He asked suddenly, turning his head away from the letter on his lap and looking over at Remus.

Remus turned up to eye him, sticking a finger between the pages as not loose his place.

"Why what?" He replied.

"Why don't you fancy Lily?"

Remus blanched, caught off guard by the question. He'd never really considered why he didn't, he just never had.

"I just don't I suppose." He replied honestly.

"But she really _is_ pretty," Sirius confessed. "And you guys get along well enough. You've got plenty in common, haven't you?"

Remus closed his book, not caring too much about his spot anymore as he place it on the table in front of him. He shifted on the couch so that he could face Sirius better.

"Didn't you just say she wasn't good enough for me?" He mused.

"Yea, but why would _you_ think so?" Sirius asked again, not teetering away from his inquiry, even for frivolous jokes.

"I don't know why…" Remus said again, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable under Sirius' interrogation. "I just never really thought about it."

Sirius, seeming to take this answer in stride, looked back down at his letter again, deep in thought.

"Have you ever fancied _anyone_?" He asked quietly, still facing down.

"I-," Remus started, blushing for reasons unknown to even him. He glanced around the room, as if hoping to find the answer in the walls and furniture. "Well, I-…I mean, how do you even know if you fancy someone?" he settled on.

"Remus," Sirius turned, grinning at him "I know you can't be _that_ daft…"

Remus rolled his eyes, silently scolding Sirius' meaning.

"That's called sexual attraction…" Remus chided. "Which I'm not sure is the question you asked me. You said fancy, which implies…more than just physicality I would think."

Sirius smiled, laughing lightly to himself.

"Well," He said, turning himself towards Remus. "Your body gets all hot and sweaty when they come near you, like you need to take a shower but there's never enough water to wash it all away. And it's not just because you think their attractive or whatnot, it's their voice and their mind too. Everything about them makes you want to reach out and touch them, but you can't…so your mouth gets all dry, like a taste of sour pumpkin juice and then your stomach feels like it's going to throw up chunks of cheese all over the place. But it's much worse when they're away from you, like you'll die without them…" he paused, throwing a finger to his chin in contemplation. "All in the best way possible, of course."

"That sounds awful." Remus replied, looking rather pale from the idea.

"Yea," Sirius chuckled, throwing a hand into his head. "It is."

Remus stared at him, something pulling from the inside and wondering when Sirius had ever felt that way.

"So, have you?" Sirius asked again, looking over at him.

Remus turned, staring at the wall on the far end of the room, his mind turning.

"I …don't think so." He finally responded. He glanced over at Sirius, who gave him a sad smile before returning to his letter and ending their second conversation that night.

It took him a moment before Remus could reach for his book again, a disturbing feeling hanging over him. Trying hard to ignore it, he opened up to the chapter he had last left off at and began scanning the pages to find where he was before Sirius had interrupted him. When he finally found the sentence, he began trying to read, scolding his mind to put Sirius' questions behind him.

Nearly an hour later, a small pressure against his body forced Remus to finally look up from his book. Sirius, being the invading person he was, had leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, his mouth hanging open and his eyes closed.

Remus eyed him thoughtfully for a moment, thinking the other boy looked unusually peacefully.

It was deceiving, having Sirius look so content and calm while he slept when Remus knew it was all a rouse, disguising the loud and obnoxious person he was in waking life. He smiled as he edged his hand over and pulled back a piece of stray hair from the other boy's face, tucking it behind Sirius' ear. Sirius sighed from the touch and Remus' smile widened.

Amazing how, despite all the incest breeding that went on between pure blood families, Sirius still managed to come out looking like _that_.

_No one else could look so unbelievably attractive while snoring._

Remus snapped his hand back, a feeling of dread taking over.

_Attractive? _

He quickly shifted his eyes away as Sirius nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, letting out a sleepy moan of approval while doing so.

_Sirius isn't attractive. Sirius is...Sirius. _

Remus felt his mouth suddenly go dry. Stealing a glance, he looked back down at the boy against him.

_Bugger, Sirius _is_ attractive._

_..._

_For a boy._

The room was silent, yet something seemed to be screaming at Remus. Something begging for him to listen.

Closing his book, he quickly wiped his sweaty hands against the front of his trousers, his heart racing as he tried to make sense of his own thoughts.

His hands froze in their attempt to stay dry as Sirius mumbled something in his sleep and reached an arm over to hug Remus closer.

_Merlin, I think I'm going to be sick, _Remus though wildly as his stomach flipped.

Just then the voice stopped, Remus paled, and the entire room echoed in mock silence.

_Bloody hell._

Sirius had been wrong.

It wasn't sour pumpkin juice. It was much more like tasting a piece of molded turkey.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter fourteen! That means you, deadbattery, Siriuslymoonlight, Briana, Made-in-Denmark, Sanshine, resurrectedlove, Splashing-in-a-Puddle, Greenapple, Fantasy girl, Rhianna, N, and Technomancer. You guys are great!**

**Also thank you to Random Otaku, I didn't see your review for chapter 13 until much later, my apologies. **

Hope you guys liked it! See you next Weds.


	16. Sixth Year - Part Three

**Sixth Year - Part Three**

* * *

"Oh, fantastic." Lily grunted sarcastically.

Remus looked up from his book to glance over his shoulder at her, wondering what had already gotten her into an tizzy. They'd only just begun studying, grabbing heavy texts from the library shelves and then finding a place to sit in the slew of empty tables and chairs.

"What is it?" He asked quietly, angling his body to face her better.

She grimaced before nodding her head to the front of them and Remus quickly turned to look, only to have his heart jump up and create a massive lump in his throat.

There, pretending to nonchalantly walk up to them was Sirius and James, making their way past Madame Pince's suspecting glares and through the rows of lined books. Remus heard Lily sigh in frustration and turn towards her book, knowing the two trouble makers were on their way to torment her once again. Remus followed suit, trying to subdue the intense feeling of butterflies now coursing through his body.

It'd been a nightmare since Remus realized he'd fancied Sirius.

A terrible, horrible nightmare.

Trying to gather the pieces to when this had all begun, he'd soon realized that the bodily reactions to Sirius' presence must have been going on for years. It was only now, when Remus finally understood _why _they happened, that it had become so unbearable. The sweaty palms and nervous laughs were all he could feel anymore and Sirius' handsome features were becoming more apparent and a large part of his focus throughout the day.

All in all, Remus was sure he'd been much happier in ignorance.

The most imminent part of his situation was what he was going to do about it. The answer needed to be well thought out, logical in all senses, and of course what was best for everyone.

Which is why Remus concluded that he would completely and utterly ignore all feelings, suppressing them until they otherwise went away.

Naturally.

Because _that,_ was what Remus Lupin was best at.

"Oi," James said, coming up to the table, "Fancy seeing you two here."

"Yes, what a coincidence." Lily said dryly, looking up at him.

Unfazed by Lily's darkening glare, James proceeded to pull out a chair across from her, smiling like a git. Remus shook his head in disbelief, sure that if James grinned any harder, his mouth might fall off.

He turned his head to see Sirius pulling out his own chair from across him, a smile similar to James' plastered on his face.

"Hi."

"Hey." Remus replied softly.

Sirius' smile, if possible, widen at the response and Remus couldn't help but return the favor.

He'd never felt so foolish in all his life.

"Heard you need a study partner." Remus heard James say.

"No." Lily answered quickly, staring at the book in her lap.

"You don't even know what my question was." James replied annoyed.

"No," She said again, taking a moment to glance up at him. "I do not want _you _to be my study partner."

Remus and Sirius chuckled, watching James' face contort into embarrassment. Remus wondered if perhaps Sirius had somehow convinced the other boy to use that as his one and only pickup line. Considering the speechless expression on James' face, clearly at a loss of what to say next, it looked as though he was right.

"I get just as good of marks as you do." James said defensively.

"Yes, and tens times more annoying while doing so." Lily retorted, looking back down at her book.

"Come on now, Evans." Sirius smirked, leaning over the table at her. "James isn't all that bad. Once you get over the smell, he's really quite charming."

James glared back at him and Remus knew, had Lily not been in their presence, he would've likely done something much worse.

Lily's lips twitched up at the comment.

"Remus, can't you find somewhere to lock these two up?" She said, trying hard to wipe the grin from her face.

"Tried that, actually." Sirius cut in, "Handcuffed me to my own bed once, but it turns out Remus has a thing for misbehaved pure bloods." He winked and as the other two tried to stifle laughs, Remus gulped from the image.

"You're unbelievably crude." Lily reprimanded, still smiling. "Honestly, I don't know how Remus puts up with you."

"I don't know how I do either." Remus answered, trying to erase the inappropriate images now rampaging through his head.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sirius replied, "It's because I put some adventure into your life."

"You mean trouble."

"Nonsense." Sirius retorted, waving his hand in the air. "It just depends on how you define the word trouble."

"There's really only one definition, Sirius." Remus replied with amusement.

Sirius gave him a wiry smile.

"Remus, I don't believe you're considering all that my friendship includes."

"Oh, I'm not am I?"

"Besides devilish good looks, my friendship comes with amazing thrills-"

"-scoldings from McGonagall-"

"endless loyalty-"

"endless detentions..."

"And unconditional love."

Remus had been about to say 'and backfiring pranks', but Sirius' last statement had caught him off guard. The words fell away from the tip of his tongue as a strange gaggling sound come out instead. Besides Sirius, no one seemed to have noticed. Somewhere between their exchange Lily decided to go back to reading and James to continue staring at her. Only Sirius had seen his reaction and for a moment he stared back at him in curiosity, an electric static seemingly hovering in the air around the two of them.

"-got disowned by his own family." Sneered a voice.

The electricity disappeared as quickly as it came. Lily snatched her head up as James and Sirius stiffening instantly from the words.

"Great idiot that one." said another voice.

Remus eyed over Sirius' shoulder, immediately catching sight of the group of Slytherins now hanging about in the library a few feet from them and purposefully talking loudly. They'd obviously seen Sirius sitting with them and decided to act against it.

From the corner of his eye, Remus saw Lily's hand twitch nervously, knowing she was as worried as he was about James and Sirius' reactions. Despite being two prefects, he knew they hadn't a chance trying to stop the other boy's from picking a fight. James' anger was only a notch lower then Sirius' when provoked. If either of them got up, the other would surely follow, causing a slew of hexes, curses, and trouble to fly about the library within seconds.

"Who would trade all that for a few mudbloods and blood traitors?" Remus saw a Slytherin girl ask the group around her.

"Beats me." answered one standing closely next to her. "Anyone that daft shouldn't have been allowed in Hogwarts."

The group snickered in unison, causing James to grunt in anger. Sirius looked up, catching James' eye and Remus cringed, realizing what was going to happen next. He'd seen this look before, the silent communication between the two of them, as if they'd been born from the same womb.

Lily sucked in a breath, recognizing it as well.

James gave Sirius a small head nod and then...

Remus blinked, not quite believing his own eyes.

The two boys across from him, two people he swore he knew better than anyone, had relaxed their bodies in unison and then turned to face both Lily and him once again, ignoring the Slytherin's comments completely and not even reaching their hands towards their wands.

They weren't going to do anything.

Lily let out the breath of air she'd been holding and now it was Remus' and her turn to look at each other, silently questioning through confused eyes what had just happened.

Neither able to supply an answer, Remus looked back at Sirius, who had pulled out a quill and scroll and was now diligently scribbling on it. Remus smiled at the boy across from him, realizing that Sirius was trying to keep his promise.

Sirius had been serious.

"At least Regulus knows the meaning of loyalty." the Slytherins continued to mock.

Remus watched as Sirius' hand clenched up against his quill, shaking slightly. Ignoring the logical part of his brain telling him not to, Remus reached his hand over the table, lightly covering Sirius' with his own and giving it a small squeeze. The shaking stopped immediately and Sirius looked up at him, his body relaxing once again. He smiled at him and Remus smiled back before hesitantly pulling his hand away again.

That had not been ignoring feelings.

In fact, that had been completely opposite.

_Bugger._

As he proceeded to slide his hand under the table, stretching it across his thigh to rid of the tingling sensation, he wondered vaguely if he'd always been able to do that; give Sirius a small touch that calmed him. He couldn't remember, but he thought that had he been aware, he could've saved himself a lot of trouble through the years.

"I can help you with the Charms essay if you want." Remus heard Lily say to James.

Without looking, Remus could feel James' smile radiate over their table. He heard Lily chuckle lightly.

"Honestly Potter, you're hopeless."

He heard James slide his scrolls over the table and as she began ruffling through them she stopped suddenly.

"This doesn't mean I want you as a study partner."

**XxxxX**

"Hurry up!" Peter shouted behind him.

Sirius rolled his eyes, stealing a glance at Remus who smiled back at him.

"Do you think Peter is in love with James and not telling us?" Sirius questioned, never seeing the chubbier boy move so fast.

"Not unless all those times he'd tried to ask out Sheri Mertle was a joke." Remus replied, hustling to catch up with the other boy.

Today was one of the biggest Quiddich matches of the season and it was Gryffindor against Slytherin. James and Peter had practically thrown themselves off the Astronomy tower when they realized Sirius had been suspended from the game.

Despite keeping his hexes to himself, James and him still loved to set off innocent pranks around the school. Nothing harming and all in good fun, but Professor McGonagall had been livid catching him in her office setting off dung bombs. James had been hiding under the cloak and had gotten off scot free, while Sirius got the scolding of a life time and temporarily kicked off the team.

He didn't really mind, seeing as he'd be spending the evening squished up next to Remus instead of on a freezing cold broom stick.

He looked ahead to see Peter shoving people out of the way, moving through the high stands to gain the best seating. The bleachers were already packed, flowing with students from all four houses and Sirius glanced behind him again to make sure Remus was still keeping up. He felt his heart quicken at the sight of him.

Remus' nose was red from the wind blowing through the tall stadium and his cheeks looked full and alive. He was smiling handsomely, his red jumper bringing out the colour in his skin and making him look healthier then normal after a few days from the Full.

On Sirius' most agitated days he'd wish that he never knew Remus, thinking it would've been better for everyone. Other days, he'd thank the universe that he could even be a friend to the other boy. Regardless of how he felt, with each passing day his feelings were multiplying and now that he knew Remus wasn't interested in Lily, his heart constantly betrayed him, giving him a glimmer of hope despite his head repeatedly telling him to let it go.

But it'd always been impossible letting Remus go.

Seeing an opportunity to get close to him, Sirius reached out his hand and grabbed onto Remus', pretending that the contact was in order to not lose each other in the crowd instead of quenching Sirius' need to touch him. Remus took it without argument and soon they were both making their way towards where Peter had finally sat, Sirius grinning happily.

"Remus!" a voice called as they reached Peter. The three of them turned, seeing Lily bound through the crowd and trying to catch up with them.

Remus, taking his hand out from Sirius', waved at her before sitting down. Sirius quickly sat down next to him, their legs and shoulders brushing up against each other as Lily finally caught up.

"Hey," She said, slightly out of breath. She nodded in greeting towards Sirius and Peter before sitting on the other side of Remus. "I thought I might not make it. It's nuts out here."

She shivered, shoving her arms under her armpits. The day was warm, but it was always colder in the stands.

"Hush down!" Peter scolded. "It's starting."

Lily rolled her eyes, mimicing Sirius only a few moments ago and causing a laugh from both boys next to her.

"And so it begins, the first Quiddich play-offs of the season!" came the announcer's voice.

A roar ripped through the crowd and Sirius felt Remus shake with laughter next to him. He looked over to see the young man chuckling, his eyes glistening with delight.

He knew Remus never really got Quiddich or the hype surrounding it. In all honestly, Sirius sometimes didn't get it himself, but Remus enjoyed the chaos that surrounded the games nonetheless, always ready to join Peter in watching them. He'd been especially eager to watch the tournament today and Sirius relished in the youthful look he had on his face now. So often, Remus looked and acted older then he really was, gray hair already beginning to grow. It was nice to see him out of his element.

"And here they are!" the announcer continued. "From the Slytherin team, Captain Thomas Avery!"

A slew of boo's echoed from the Gryffindor side just as the Slytherins cheered in glee.

The announcer continued to rely the names of each team member, the stars coming out on their brooms as they were introduced. When the entire Slytherin team was on the pitch, the announcer started on the Gryffindors. All four of them were on their feet, cheering as James' name was called. He wisped by the Gryffindor stands on his broom, waving before turning to hover contently in the middle of the stadium as his other teammates were called. Two minutes later and both teams were on the pitch, ready to begin.

Thinking the announcements were over, the four of them sat down, waiting for the referee to blow the whistle. Just as they had gotten comfortable however, the announcer's voice came back on through the speakers.

"A special game it is today as James Potter, Gryffindor's captain, would like to dedicate every goal made by the Gryffindor team to Lily Evans, his future wife!"

Sirius barked out a loud laugh, not noticing Lily, who stood up immediately with a look of horror on her face. A roar of laughter and geers were heard throughout the entire stadium just as the referee finally blew the whistle and the teams were off.

"That cheeky devil!" Sirius roared, having a hard time not thinking the stunt was hilarious.

Remus and Peter looked over at Lily, who was now red-faced and had her hands clenched into tight fists.

"I'm going to kill him." She mumbled, throwing herself back roughly into her seat next to Remus.

Sirius laughed loudly at the comment and he felt Remus elbow him in the side.

Despite Lily's brooding, the game continued on and not surprisingly the Gryffindor team was soon making a lot of goals in the name of Lily and James' marriage. Seated Gryffindors, giddy with excitement, began making it a habit of shouting out "FOR LILY!" every time a quaffle flew through the Slytherin hoops. Lily grunted in rage from the continuous reminder, her face turning an unattractive shade of red whenever the words were shouted.

Sirius chuckled under his breath. James was going to be murdered by the end of the night.

**XxxxX**

"I'll kill him!" Lily shouted, throwing a book across the common room. It ricocheted off the wall and landed loudly against the floor.

Remus grimaced from the noise, wondering how in the world he was always caught in the middle of these things.

She glanced at the book a few feet in front of her, looking guilty. She quickly walked over to the text and picked it up again, dusting it off before returning to her seat next to Remus.

"I don't understand how he can be so nice one second and such an arse the other." Lily said, sighing into her chair. She placed the beaten book in front of her, placing a hand atop it's cover as if saying sorry.

After the match (which they had won), Lily found James and rightly hexed him, very publicly in the boy's locker room. Apparently he was still recovering in the Hospital wing but Sirius had said he'd been smiling the entire way there.

"Is it similar to how you felt about Snape?" Remus asked without thinking.

He immediately regretted his question, knowing full well that Lily had been trying to forget all about the greasy haired boy since last year's incident. He looked up, feeling awful for bringing him up, to see Lily looking back at him with sad eyes.

"No," She said after a moment, taking her time to think about it. "Severus only ever made me sad, not angry."

Remus swallowed, hoping that'd be the end of it and not wanting to upset Lily any further.

"It's funny, you know." She continued, looking contemplative as she leaned back in her chair. "Severus never wanted to be seen with me and now I have Potter shouting out that he's going to marry me in front of the entire school."

She smiled, playing lightly with the book's binding and staring at her hands. Remus eyed her in curiosity, wondering if maybe...

But no, that would be almost as ridiculous as the idea of Sirius and him together.

Utter nonsense.

**XxxxX**

"Sorry!" Lily said as she rushed through a group of third years.

The smaller children in the middle of the courtyard separated quickly out of her way, letting her pass by without so much as a shocked face. They were probably used to the treatment by other Sixth and Seventh years, Lily thought guiltily.

The day was bright, the sun shining warmly as Lily continued to speed through the open yard, trying hard to keep her book firmly in it's place against her chest.

_Stupid Potter._

She wouldn't have been late to her next class had she not bumped into the git in the halls. Ignoring him the past two weeks since the Quiddich tournament had only made him more relentless. She swore that every time she hexed him he took it as a sign of affection.

It was infuriating.

He'd caught sight of her coming from her NEWT level potions class and not for the first time Lily cursed her red-hair being much too easy to spot out in the slew of students. Potter had quickly tailed behind her, exclaiming how marvelous she looked and then desperately tried to trap her into a conversation about the weather with him. Realizing he might follow her all the way into her next class, she finally stopped and turned around, giving him a wide smile.

"You look dashing as well, James."

She'd nearly puked at the words, but it had worked. Potter stood stunned as she easily slipped away from him and into the courtyard.

_He looked like an idiot, _that's_ what he looked liked._

"Messy-haired arse." She cursed as she continued her hustle.

_Just because he has nice eyes, thinks he can do anything he wants. He probably charmed that announcer with that idiotic smile of his._

_Actually, it__ probably _was_ his eyes. __They're annoyingly blue._

A striking image of James' eyes came to mind and Lily's shoe scuff along the ground, making her stumble and her book drop from her arms and onto the grass.

She stood for a moment, looking down at the fallen text in surprise.

_Oh honestly, _she scolded herself,_ They're not _that_ blue, _and she quickly shook herself of the image.

Grumbling, she bent down to pick the book back up.

"Lily!"

She stopped in her tracks, recognizing the voice instantly and bolted upright, her book still on the ground. She turned, seeing the greasy haired Slytherin making his way over to her in a panicked fashion, his face full of nervousness.

_Walk away, s_he told herself instantly.

But Lily's feet stayed firm in their place, her heart pumping wildly.

_Perhaps he's coming to apologize again. Maybe..._

"Lily," Severus breathed, finally making his way up to her. "Lily are you-"

He paused, looking up at her with a strange expression.

Lily couldn't remember the last time they stood this close to each other. She'd practically changed her entire route to certain classes so that she didn't have to see him anymore, not wanting even the slightest chance of going back on her word.

His hair was strewn about wildly, unruly and looking unwashed as usual. It was strange, but Lily had always found this endearing about Severus. The fact that he'd just openly come up to her, called her name out in the middle of a slew of students struck her.

It had to be something important. Something-

"Are you dating James Potter?" He blurted out finally. His face twitching with anxiety.

Lily's face fell, her eyes glaring back at him as she felt her body beginning to boil with anger.

She screamed at herself inside. For a fraction of a second she'd actually thought he might've changed.

How naive of her.

"That," She replied with venom. "Is none of your business."

She quickly turned on her heel, stomping away from him and trying to cool herself down. She felt a hand on her shoulder tug her back.

"Lily, please!" Severus said, pulling her back around. "Anyone but him!"

"How dare you!" She hollered back, ripping herself out of his grasp. "It should've been _you_! But you made sure that didn't happen, didn't you? At least James isn't afraid to be seen with me."

She stared at him as his mouth contorted into a fine line, his face growing even paler. Her chest heaved with adrenaline, livid at the idea of Severus thinking he had any say in her dating life.

"This thing bothering you, Sev?"

The two of them turned, letting go of the staring contest they'd begun and saw Avery and several of his other friends stalking up to them. Lily scoffed. Their robes billowed behind them as they walked, faking intimidation, but Lily knew Avery was just another wannabe Death Eater. His marks were worse then Peter's and there was nothing intimidating about that.

"No, no" Severus stuttered nervously. "It was only trying to borrow my notes."

Lily turned her head back around on him, stunned by his words.

_It?_

Despite swearing to herself that she'd gotten over him, she felt her heart sink deep into her chest.

Where had the boy she once fancied gone to?

Severus, seeing her remorseful expression, fidgeted in his stance and looked away, not able to handle the disappointment in her eyes. A sickening feeling filled up the space between them and without hesitating, Severus bolted through the group, leaving Lily alone in the courtyard.

_Coward_, she thought sadly looking after him.

It took her a moment before she could tare her eyes away from his retreating form, wondering how they'd changed so much from how they used to be. Sighing, she turned to retrieve her book from the ground once again.

"I don't like the way you talk to Severus."

Lily stepped back, realizing that Avery and his gang were still hovering around her.

"Avery, I'm already late. Tell me about it another time." Lily replied rolling her eyes.

She took a step to move past him but he quickly stood in front of her, blocking her path.

"Move out of the way." She said, getting annoyed now.

"You've no right going near him, mudblood." He continued without listening.

"Really?" Lily replied sacastically. "Well, I think you won't have to worry about that anymore, now please get out of my way."

She took another step forward but Avery quickly jolted his arm out to physically push her back. She fumbled away from him, her feet trying to steady herself as her hands instantly gripped for her wand. A second later she'd pulled it out of her robes and looked back at him in anger.

"Avery, I'm warning you." She said, pointing it directly at his face.

"Or what?" He mocked, looking at her as if she was an ant on the ground.

"Prefect, remember?" She warned, taking her other hand and pointing at the badge pinned to her robes.

Avery laughed, easily taking his own wand out.

"I'm not sure that's going to help you this time." He nodded his head, gesturing to the four other people in his group.

She turned her neck slightly, realizing they'd surrounded her.

_They wouldn't, not on school grounds._

"_Confringo!_"

Lily quickly ducked, allowing the spell to miss her by an inch. Without thinking she pointed her wand from her crouched position back at the perpetrator.

"_Confundo_!" She shouted back. She watched as a stream of light shot out of her wand and hit the spell castor straight in the head. "_Furnunculus!_" She shouted again, gaining her footing and pointing her wand to the other side of her.

Her spell hit one of the boys to her left and she turned to point her wand threateningly at the next person over.

"_Sectumsempra_!" She heard Avery say from behind her.

Lily felt herself cry out as she fell to the ground, a pain ripping through the length of her back and leg. She threw her hands around and underneath her left thigh, feeling for where the spell had hit her. When she brought them back, they were covered in red.

She was bleeding.

She looked up in shock to see Avery standing over her. These spells were dark magic, she realized suddenly.

_How did they know these curses?_

"You think it's a joke mudblood, but it's not." She heard Avery mock.

"_What are you doing_?" She asked, gasping for breath between the shocks of pain.

This was absurd. Somehow Sixth years had learned and mastered dark arts not even legal outside of Hogwarts and now she'd become their targeting practice for simply talking back to Severus.

_What was going on?_

"There's a war," Avery continued. "You're kind won't be bothering us for much longer."

"Avery, what are you-"

"_Crucio!_"

Lily heard herself scream and she buckled over, her body twitching in agony. Distantly she heard other students screaming around her, but she couldn't focus. Her senses strained, a tormenting burst of fire and needles seemed to scorch at her skin. She struggled to move her hands, but they spasmed uncontrollably against the ground. She kept screaming, her throat growing sore from the cries but she couldn't help it. It felt as though the spell were trying to rip her joints apart, setting her aflame while doing so.

All of a sudden, the sensation stopped and she felt her body go limp, her form sinking into the ground beneath her. She heard a scuffle of shouts, screams, and feet shuffling near her before everything went black.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Ok, so I'm sure everyone is like...where the hell are you and why aren't you writing this story? I'm still here and I swear I'm still working on it. I moved and then uni started and basically I'm up to my eyeballs in research papers and readings that have nothing to do with Harry Potter. By the time I finish them, my hands have carpal tunnel and all I want to do is never type another word again, even if it's about Harry Potter. I'm trying to find the time inbetween these moments of WordPros. hatred to type out the next chapter to this story, but it might take a while. I'm aiming for another chapter by the end of this month. This story WILL get finished. I'm way too far to stop now. It's only the 'when' that I'm finding conflict with. Please be patient and THANK YOU!**

* * *

I just want to thank everyone for their well wishes. You guys are so supportive! :-) Things have gotten much better for me so thank you all for being so patient and hope it has been worth the wait! Hope the part with James' announcement wasn't too corny...I wanted something cute but I don't know if I'm up to par with some of the other writer's ideas on this site.

Special thanks to **Sirius about Remy, FanstasyGirl, DustyWolf, timeisticking, Magimace, Remus1960Sirius, daisley, DeepSeaFanglyFish, DangerousHorizons, Xylaphe, resurrected love, Hadeslover, N, Deadbattery, ImsuperSiriusGuys, Technomacer, Sanshine, Greenapple, and MiraclecloudstastelikeBeef.** You guys were so nice! And I'm sorry I wasn't able to PM to thank most of you... computer stolen and all. But I really appreciate it! Thanks again!


	17. Sixth Year - Part Four

**Sixth Year - Part Four**

* * *

The four of them stood, arms hanging loosely by their sides as they stared down at the unconscious red head. Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore had just left, discussing with them in grim tones the importance and seriousness of what had happened. Remus had never seen the Headmaster so solemn in all his days at Hogwarts. Despite confronting Dumbledore on several sober issues throughout the years, there had always been a positive and hopefully demeanor in which he spoke back to Remus, no matter how dire the circumstances.

This time was different.

Nearly five minutes after the four boys had run from their classes and into the Infirmary, the Headmaster had arrive with a sense of urgency, Madame Pomfrey closely at his heels. Instead of consoling the boys about Lily's condition he quickly asked them questions about what they knew of the incident. Considering none of them were there to witness it, there was a limited amount of information exchanged and once Dumbledore realized they'd be no help to him, he told them he had to leave and that they had permission to skip their classes today in order to stay by her side.

James, practically in hysterics, immediately stopped the Headmaster in his tracks, demanding to know what happened. Dumbledore had only put a hand on his shoulder, telling him to look after Lily closely, before gliding past him.

And now that's what all of them were doing. Standing, watching, waiting to see if Lily would ever move.

She hadn't. At least, not yet.

"What the hell did they do to her?" James asked, pacing the floor.

His face was grave, eyes blood shot from the tears Remus knew he'd been holding back since hearing the news. Remus watched him throw a hand into his hair, pulling at the strands in frustration. He was sure that by the time Lily woke up, James would be bald.

"Dumbledore said he didn't know." Peter answered quietly.

He was sitting in the only chair in the room, staring at Lily in absolute shock. His eyes had barely left the girl's face and Remus could see the fear of what happened already beginning to grip him.

"The hell he didn't." Sirius muttered angrily.

Sometimes Remus wondered if there was any other way Sirius dealt with things, because no matter what happened, he always seemed to jump into a fury.

This time however, Remus felt unusually similar. An immense amount of resentment for Avery and his gang seemed to be slowly building up in him the longer Lily lay still. He was also positive that Sirius was right. Dumbledore knew what they did to her and was keeping it to himself. Why else would he have been in such a hurry?

James let out a low moan of grievance, taking a step closer to Lily's bed and eyeing her in worry.

"What did they do to you Lily?" He asked so quietly the rest of them barely heard him.

Peter, Sirius, and Remus all looked up, their eyes fixed on their best friend leaning over the bed. Remus watched in interest as James reached out a hand to stroke Lily's forehead and all of a sudden he felt as if he was intruding on a private moment between the two of them. By the shuffle of feet, Remus knew Sirius and Peter felt the same way.

It was strange. James' advances towards Lily had always been seen as a joke between the four of them, none of them actually believing James' intentions as being honorable or even honest. But now Remus wasn't so sure. The look James had on his face was as remorseful as his own, a feeling that spoke something much stronger then just "fancy".

Caught up in the thoughts of James' feelings, Remus barely noticed the brush of skin against his fingers. His breath fell short as he stole a quick glance down.

Sirius, having just unfolded his arms from his chest, now had his hands loosely at his sides as he stood next to Remus, the back of his hand millimeters away from Remus'.

They were standing so close to each other, they had been all evening.

_Too close_, Remus had figured.

But every time Remus had tried to distance himself from the black haired boy in the Infirmary, Sirius would subconsciously close the gap between them again, never leaving his side. Now their hands were practically touching and Remus couldn't help but wonder if Sirius had been doing it on purpose.

Before he found the courage to glance up at Sirius, the door to the room creaked and all eyes turned to view the intruder.

Standing in the door, with mismatched robes and holding a small box was Severus Snape.

"How dare you come here you greasy little shite." Sirius hollered instantly, removing himself from Remus' side within seconds and stepping up to face the boy.

"Says the traitor who tried to kill me." sneered Snape back. He moved to step out of Sirius' way but the black haired boy followed his movement, not allowing him to pass.

"Get out of here before I try it again." Sirius said threateningly.

He pulled out his wand, readying for an attack just as Severus fumbled to grab his own.

"Sirius." Remus said sternly coming up behind them. He placed a firm hand against SIrius' shoulder, squeezing it tightly. His touch had an immediate effect as Sirius' muscles relaxed and his raised hand slowly drifted down. His eyes never left Severus'.

"I'll take care of this." Remus said reassuringly.

Sirius paused before putting his wand away and turning to look at him. Remus gave him a reassuring nod before he finally sighed and step away, allowing Remus to view the distain filled face of Snape.

"I think we should go outside." Remus offered to Severus, gesturing towards the door.

Snape glanced around the room, taking in his options. James was standing ridged, one of his hands still firmly pressed onto the bed near Lily's shoulder as he looked over at Snape with a silent hatred. Sirius now stood behind Remus, trying to regain some composure as Peter sat still in his chair, darting eyes between both James and Severus.

Realizing he'd never get to Lily with the four of them in there, he scoffed before finally following Remus' advice.

Once the door was shut behind them, blocking out the remaining three boys hovering over Lily's bed, Remus turned to face him.

"I'd hoped you would've gathered better friends after Black's last stunt Lupin. But I suppose you don't have many options considering most people would try and kill you if they knew who you really were."

Remus stared back at him, unfazed by the comment. He'd heard worse.

"I want you to leave and never talk to Lily again." He responded calmly, taking a step closer.

Severus took a step back, distancing themselves once again before looking at Remus with confusion.

"What right do you have telling me what to do?" he snapped back.

"You've hurt Lily for the last time Snape. I'm tired of comforting her after your mistakes. Everyone knows you were there this morning."

"Rumors are rumors for a reason you stupid half-breed! I wasn't there when they attacked her!" His voice was pitched high and Remus could feel the anger rising in him.

"Avery is your friend and he just put Lily in a coma by using dark magic." Remus with ease. "Dark magic I'm certain you've used yourself." He paused, waiting for a denial.

There was none.

"You've chosen your side, now leave her alone." He continued.

"And what can you do if I won't?" Snape asked condescendingly.

"You know what I know what I can do."

Severus' face dropped, staring back at him in horror.

"You wouldn't."

"Would I?" Remus asked mockingly.

Snape was right. Remus would never in his wildest fantasies purposefully bite someone, but he was tired and angry. Someone he considered his sister had been at the end of a wand today because of stupid purist beliefs and he was going to get them to leave her alone, even if that meant making empty threats about his lycanthropy.

"You're a bloody monster, a filthy animal!" Severus spat at him, taking another step back. Remus followed with his own small step, thinking it much to easy to fake intimidation.

"You'll regret this Lupin." Snape cried, giving him once last taunting look before finally turning around to leave, the small box still in his hand.

Remus watched him leave, staring after his clumsily form with a small amount of pity. Once the boy was out of sight he looked down at himself, feeling guilty and uncomfortable with his words. He'd never used his lycanthropy like that before and he hoped he never would again. It was one step towards becoming the monster he swore he'd never let out.

Sighing, Remus turned and opened the door, seeing the three Marauders still hanging around Lily's limp body. Remus caught Sirius' eyes immediately and the other boy gave him a worrying look, obviously noticing that something was wrong. Remus smiled before moving into the room and standing next to him.

"Alright?" Sirius asked quietly, looking him over.

"Never better."

**XxxxX**

"I'm pretty sure that if we study anymore my heads going to explode." Sirius whined, throwing his book closed and flopping back until he was laying on the bed.

Remus threw eyes up at him, catching a teasing amount of mid drift as Sirius' shirt hiked up around his torso. He quickly looked away again, feeling a rush of embarrassment.

"You've only been studying for five minutes, Sirius." Remus replied, focusing his eyes firmly on his book and refusing to look up again.

"Five minutes too long." Sirius sighed, tossing himself onto his side so that he could face Remus at the head of the bed. "How do you do this for so long?"

"I find it distracting." Remus said, flipping a page of his book.

Neither of them had to ask what the distraction was for. It'd been two days and the only movement Lily showed was when she tossed in her sleep. They couldn't afford to skip any more classes and the Infirmary was strictly off limits at night, which left a very small window of opportunity to visit her. Remus was often sharing that time with other people, girlfriends Lily had in Gryffindor or other Houses. He was worried, lonely for his companion, and sick with disgust at what the rumors suggested; that Lily had been hit with an unforgivable. Avery's sudden suspension seemed to be proof of the accusation.

There were very few reasons why someone would be kicked out of Hogwarts and performing an Unforgivable was one of them.

"You know, there are other ways of distracting yourself." Sirius said, a smile suddenly playing on his face.

Remus looked up with unease to see Sirius bring himself into a sitting position, then crawl his way up to the headboard. His legs and arms grazed against Remus' as he proceeded to sit uncomfortably close to Remus.

"Really?" Remus swallowed, trying to remember how they ended up studying on his bed to begin with.

"Yes." Sirius smiled. "Much more enjoyable ways for sure."

Sirius knocked against his shoulder, just as Remus turned to face him.

_Was it just him, or did that sound extremely suggestive?_

"What would you advise then?" Remus responded, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Quiddich? Eating? Pranks?" Sirius joked. He gave a wide yawn before leaning his head back against the headboard. "All three perhaps?"

"How about I just _read_ you the chapter? That way you can continue your lack discipline while I do all the work."

Sirius cocked his head to the side, as if seriously contemplating the idea and Remus rolled his eyes. He turned to flip another page of his text, pretending that Sirius wasn't a perfectly fine distraction all by himself.

"Alright." Sirius finally said, sliding his torso down the wooden frame so that he was now laying on the bed again. He aligned his right leg straight up against Remus' left one, so that the two of them were touching all the way up to their hips.

Remus paused, peering over his book's binding to first look at where Sirius had decided to place his leg and then at the boy's face. Sirius had closed his eyes, offering no explanation for the contact and Remus quickly turned away, chastising himself for looking for a reason.

Sirius never had an excuse for invading personal space, it was only the awareness of Remus' feelings that had him now searching for something more.

"Ok, then." Remus began, shaking off the feeling of disappointment.

Just as he was about to verse the importance of proper potion storing, the door to the dormitory swung open with a bang, James rushing through it.

"Kicked me out!" He hollered, barely noticing the fact that two of his best mates were closely snuggled in bed together. Remus was sure that he would've at least raised an eyebrow if he were to find James and Peter in an equally compromising position.

"Said I couldn't be there!" James continued, heading straight for his trunk. Remus watched him open it with usually force, dropping to his knees before digging around inside it.

"Do you think it has something to do with how _loud_ you are?" Sirius asked irratated. He clearly was annoyed at James' intrusion, his leg now pulled as far away from Remus' as possible.

"Sirius." Remus reprimanded, his voice urgent. He nudged him in the shoulder, trying to get the black haired boy to open his eyes.

"_What?_" He asked, finally looking up. Remus nodded to where James was throwing random items out of his chest and Sirius followed his glaze.

"If they think that- that I'm just going to-" James stuttered as he continued to push things around. His movements were frantic, his voice cracking at every word. Remus saw a hand lift from the trunk momentarily to wipe at James' nose.

"I'm not going to leave her alone!" James cried into the furniture.

A slew of tears began dripping down from his cheeks and into the trunk. Sirius, now sitting up straight in Remus' bed, frowned at his friend's behavior. This wasn't one of the regular childish rampages James usually went on.

" They can't make me." James continued, finally lifting his hand out of the trunk and gripping onto the invisibility cloak.

Finding what he came for, James slammed the chest shut just as Sirius decided it time to interrupt his breakdown.

"James." Sirius said with concern, walking up behind him.

James stood and turned around, finding his best mate staring at him with a solemn expression. Remus watched from his bed as the two boys stood across from each other, communicating through a language he'd never understand. A moment passed before the silence between them finally broke and James let out a harsh sob, bringing a hand to his face in order to hide the pain. He took a step back before leaning against the bed post and sinking to the floor to sit.

Sirius was by his side in an instant, sitting down next to him and it only took Remus another second more before he lifted himself off the bed and moved to sit on the other side of James.

"She's barely moved." James wailed quietly, sniffing for air and trying to regain some composure. "What if she never wakes up?"

"She's going to wake up." Remus replied, mostly to reassure himself.

"They said it was the Cruciatus Curse, Remus! Do you know what that is?" James cried, "It's an Unforgivable! They could've killed her."

"But they didn't." Sirius added, "And she's stronger then all three of us put together. She'll wake up."

James let out another sob and Remus turned away, opting to stare at the wall in front of them instead. He really didn't want to think about what they could've done or if Lily was even going to wake up. It was the entire reason why he started reading obsessively before Sirius interrupted him.

"I should've been there." James said suddenly, his voice faltering. "I could've fought them off, I know it."

"James," Sirius interjected. "Lily's a better fighter than you. You've been hexed enough times to know that much." He offered a small smile, trying hard to lighten the mood. "The only reason she lost was because it was five against one."

James lifted his head up at the words, wiping his sleeve against his face in an attempt to clean it. He looked down at the cloak in his hands for a moment before moving to stand up.

"I'm not going to leave her until she wakes up." He said determinedly, grabbing the post to heave himself up off the floor.

He turned to look at the two boys now sitting on the floor without him.

"Thanks." He mumbled. With another quick movement he was out the door, the cloak quickly thrown over himself.

Remus watched as the door shut behind him.

"You know, I don't think I ever believed him when he said he loved her until now." Sirius said, letting out a long breath of air.

"Me either." Remus said quietly, still looking after him.

Sirius leaned his head against the bed frame, relaxing his body and closing his eyes once again. Remus couldn't bring himself to do the same, his body still tense as a terrible thought suddenly trickled into his head.

"Sirius?" He asked hesitantly.

"Umhm?"

"Did your-" He paused, already feeling sick with the thought of what he wanted to ask. He wasn't sure he was ready for the answer.

"Did my what?" Sirius asked, popping his eyes open and lifting his head up again. He must have sensed Remus' discomfort. There weren't many times when he stumbled over words.

"Did your family ever...," Remus continued, gesturing vaguely with his arms.

Sirius eyed him in confusion.

"The _Cruciatus curse, _Sirius." Remus said desperately. "Did they ever use it on you?"

Sirius' eyes bulged at the suggestion.

"No!" He blurted, "No, Merlin no. They were bad, but not that bad Remus."

A huge wave of relief hit Remus in the chest before spreading throughout his muscles, finally allowing him to relax again. He smiled with sudden ease, thinking he was silly to even think of it.

"I just thought- maybe that's why you were so torn up that summer." Remus explained when he found Sirius still looking at him.

"Well, I'll admit those weren't the nicest curses," Sirius shrugged. "but none of them involved an Unforgivable."

"Good." Remus said, bringing his knees into his chest. "Because if they had I'd-"

"What?" Sirius teased, leaning his head closer. "Throw a book at them?"

"No." Remus answered defensively, "I'd do something much worse if they'd hurt you like that, Sirius."

He clenched his hands against his thighs, thinking of some of the extremities he might go to in order to keep Sirius safe. He'd let him get beat up enough by the Black family. There was a protectiveness in him now, guilt to an extent, for allowing it to happen for all those years.

"Well," Sirius replied, eyeing the way Remus clung to his legs. "You can keep your innocence because they didn't do it."

Remus nodded, looking away and staring back at the door James had just left from.

"Come on, let's finish some distracting homework," Sirius said with a wink. He stood up and held out his hand for Remus in order to pull him up as well.

He didn't realize how hard he'd been clutching at his thighs until he pried his hands away and took ahold of Sirius' outstretched arm. As soon as he grasped it, Sirius lifted him easily, then without letting go, marched them over to the bed.

**XxxxX**

"No more excuses! You must leave or I'll be forced to tell the Headmaster about this!"

_Shut up_, Lily wanted to say to whoever was disturbing her sleep.

She didn't.

She couldn't move.

That thought should've worried her, but instead she could only concentrate on the bickering voices near her.

"I'm not leaving!" the one shouted,

"Dumbledore said you can skip classes for one day. _One day._ It's been almost a week young man. You have to leave." retorted the other.

"No."

_What a prat. _

She wondered if it was perhaps a child being scolded by their mother. Yet, that voice sounded so familiar. So irritatingly familiar...

"I'm going to stay until she wakes up."

_Oh no. _

"Mr. Potter-"

_Not him. _

"You must leave immediately!"

_Anyone but him. _

"I'm not leaving until she's up!"

"No."

The voices suddenly stopped and Lily realized it was her own voice that had spoken the last word. With all the effort she could muster, she opened her eyes. A bright, blinding light hitting her as she heard a scuffle of feet.

"Lily?" She heard Potter say. She felt a hand against her arm.

"No." She mumbled again, trying in vain to jerk her arm away. If she had any strength at all she'd knock his teeth out for that.

"Ms. Evans, how are you feeling?"

Lily blinked before focusing on the face of Madame Pomfrey hovering over her.

"Like shite." She said on instinct, not in the head enough to even think about who she was speaking to.

She heard Potter laugh, so she must've done something wrong.

"Mind your manners now. I've already got this one to deal with." The matron replied.

Lily moaned, turning her head to the other side. When she did, she came face to face with none other then the troublemaker himself.

"No." She mumbled again.

"Mr. Potter, would you please give the girl some space." Pomfrey exclaimed with irritation.

Lily suddenly had a whole new respect for the woman.

She watched as Potter move back, allowing her nurse to step forward. Pomfrey's hands drifted over to Lily's forehead, hovering to take a temperature. She paused, a frown on her face, before pulling back.

"I'll be gone only a minute to grab some potions." She said, then turned to give Potter a warning glance. "You better behave yourself." She told him sternly before leaving the room.

"Merlin Lily," Potter exclaimed, coming near to her again as soon as the matron left. "You've no idea how much you had us worried!"

"Us?" Lily croaked, placing a hand against her temples.

"Remus, Sirius, Peter and I of course!"

Lily, dropped her hand while scrunching up her face at him in confusion. Had she somehow transported into an alternative universe where the Marauders and her were friends now?

"Peter practically said you'd die, but Sirius gave him a right hex for it. Remus was brooding around all week, pretending to read books. It was maddening. You know, it's been a week since you've mumbled anything more then 'No' at me? I was starting to think the spell might've turned you mad."

"Potter." Lily tried, holding up her hand for him to stop babbling. He was giving her a headache.

"All you did was lay there and sweat and sweat and sweat, sometimes mumbling things in your sleep. Once you even opened your eyes, but I wasn't actually sure if you saw me or not because you called me Aunt Lucy."

"Potter." Lily said again, more forcefully.

It didn't work.

"Once when Marlene came in to see you, she told everyone that you spoke to her. But I was here and you didn't even move an inch. Dodgy one that girl. I'm not sure you should being hanging around with that sort."

"_James!_" Lily said exasperated, her voice cracking.

The boy across from her immediately closed his mouth, looking back at her with a surprised expression. Lily sighed to herself, happy to get him to finally shut up. She took the moment to relax her head deeper into her pillows, closing her eyes along the way.

"You called me James." came the annoying voice again.

Lily propped open an eye to see Potter hovering only an inch away from her face. A goofy smile stretched across his mouth as his hair splayed out in crooked angles, much to long to be appropriate any more.

"You look like an idiot." She said truthfully, studying his face.

James only grinned wider, his eyes lighting up at her words. Lily had a hard time suppressing her own smile at the reaction.

_There really is no way to deter James Potter, is there?_

Seeing as there was no point in trying to rest while he was here, Lily shifted her hands behind her to use as leverage to sit up. Realizing what she was doing, Potter immediately reached out his own arms in order to help her.

"Touch me and you die." She said sternly, stopping in her tracks to send him a menacing look.

He quickly dropped his hands, opting to watch her struggle instead.

Eventually, she sat up, leaning her head against the headboard and wondering how long it would take Madame Pomfrey to get these potions she needed.

"What are those?" She asked, glancing at the small nightstand next to her bed where several large heaps of scrolls lay.

"It's all the homework you missed."

"Sorry?"

"You've been out forever, Lily. I figured I'd take your notes for you."

She watched as he bent over to pick up some books on the floor she hadn't noticed before. He took a step closer to her side, opening one of the pages up.

"Don't get mad, but I took your books and highlighted what we went over. And here," He said, shuffled through some scrolls on the stand before pulling a handful out. "These are the essays I wrote for you. There were at least five this week, but I could only get to four."

Lily stared, looking down at the pages in front of her.

_This was...weird. _

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to all of them, but I had to write my own too you know." James continued, looking nervous. "I mean, you could probably write better then me...but I figured I'd at least, i-it's not that-"

"Thank you." Lily said shortly, tearing her eyes away from the scrolls and looking up at him.

The words about to form on his mouth turned into another brilliant smile and without registering what she was doing, Lily smiled back. A deep red made it's way through James' cheeks at the response, eventually covering him in crimson. Lily continued to stare back at him, her smile fading as she thought wildly about what was going on.

This was not the James Potter she knew.

"Ok, Ms. Evans." Madame Pomfrey exclaimed, coming back through the doorway. She stopped short upon still seeing James there. "_Mr. Potter,_ _you must leave_!" She shrieked, setting down several potions with a thud before placing her hands on her hips. "If I have to tell-"

"Madame Pomfrey," Lily interrupted, feigning a sickly look. She'd no idea why she was helping him, but there was something especially pathetic about letting James get yelled at for staying by her side. "I really don't feel well."

The matron turned immediately, forgetting about James and taking a few short steps back to her potions.

"I feel awful." Lily continued, adding in an extra pout for good measure.

"You should see the marks you left on Yaxley, I bet he's feeling a lot worse then you right now." James chimed in.

Lily couldn't help but appreciate the information. She's glad she hit at least one of them.

"Mr. Potter." Madame Pomfrey said in a warning voice. "You must-

"I know, I know." He replied, holding up his hands. "I'll see you later Lily."

Still perplexed by his actions and struggling to figure out what had happened to the world while she was out, Lily watch the messy haired boy leave.

"Thank Merlin." huffed Madame Pomfrey, taking the first potion in her hand. "I don't think I could handle another day of that boy blubbering all over your sheets again."

Lily turned up to her in surprise as the matron struggled to uncork the bottle.

"Oh, now don't take it offensively deary." Pomfrey continued, "He's a nice boy and I'm sure he cares enough, but you two aren't the ones changing the linens every day."

"You mean," Lily said in disbelief. "Potter cried?"

"_Cried?_" Madame Pomfrey laughed mockingly. "More like poured the ocean from his eyes straight into the Infirmary. Boy wouldn't leave your side for one second, kept catching him at night sneaking in here." The cork of the bottle popped off in her hands, a stream of smoke spiraling out of it and into the air. "Relentless that one."

Lily smiled. "Tell me about it."

"Drink this down now." Madame Pomfrey said, handing the bottle over.

Lily took it in her hands before bringing it to her lips and downing the potion as quick as she could. Healing potions weren't known for their taste and this one proved no different. It was as if she was licking the bottom of a toad. Her face soured as she finally swallowed down the last drop.

"Are you sure it wasn't Remus?" Lily asked, watching Pomfrey pry another one open.

She already knew the answer to that one though. It was probably easier hand-catching a Norwegian Horntail then catching Remus Lupin openly crying.

"No, it was definitely Mr. Potter hovering over your bed every night." She said as she handed the second one over.

Lily took it without hesitation, doing the same as she did with the first.

"That's it for today. You need to rest still." Pomfrey said, clearing the empty bottles from the bed and making her way to the door.

"Madame Pomfrey?" Lily asked, stopping her in her tracks. "Did anyone else visit? ...Anyone with Slytherin robes maybe?"

Pomfrey looked at her with a knowing smile.

"I'm afraid not dear." She replied, "Now get some rest."

Lily sank back into her pillows, a small frown playing on her face as Madame Pomfrey let the door close behind her. Sighing she turned her head towards the nightstand, eyeing the pile of scrolls and papers muddled over it.

_Might as well make sure he didn't muck any of my essays up_, She thought, throwing a hand into the mess and retracting the first scroll.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hey guys, or whoever has been patient enough to keep up with this story. Sorry it's been such a long time for an update. I'm in school again so I'm warning everyone that the updates will be 100% sporadic and definitely not consistent. For those of you who are still reading, thanks! I appreciate it! This chapter is not proof-read and will probably have some changes before the next chapter is up. I just figured you'd want to have something, rather then nothing. **

**Thanks again!**

**Please review :-)**


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